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Author Topic: Is this orgasm?
kurisuto
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I've been sexually active with the same partner for about three years now, and as far as I know, I've never orgasmed. But /something/ is happening, but I don't know what it is. I "climax" to this point where it feels like something is about to happen, and it feels good, but then it stops or becomes uncomfortable and thats it. Afterwards my clitoris is very sensitive and it feel uncomfortable when touched. They always say "you'll know when it happens" but something is happening and I have no clue what. Please help~
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September
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Welcome to Scarleteen, kurisuto!

Maybe this article helps you figure out what is happening? Sexual Response & Orgasm: A Users Guide

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Johanna
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"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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Alas, we are not orgasm psychics!

Ultimately, we learn what orgasm feels for us by just observing our own patterns over time. That can be tricky, because it will not always feel the same way, and there is no real way of knowing for sure if orgasm has or has not occurred.

That said, we certainly can know if we are just enjoying ourselves or feeling good or not, and that is what really matters. It's not like anyone needs to fill out forms that ask about orgasm, or we need to check orgasms off on some kind of checklist everytime we're sexual. [Smile]

And all THAT said, a progression of sexual response to orgasm most generally feels like a rising tension paired with increasing sensitivity and responsiveness. Then something that feels like a peak, then something that feels like some kind of physical and emotional relaxation. With very mild orgasm, recognizing that peak can be something a person only does by recognizing the resolution afterwards, or the temporary hypersensitivity that can follow.

So, the answer here? Maybe, maybe not. But over time, with your own masturbation (which is the way the majority of people of all genders first "learn" to become orgasmic, so if that's what you're after, more masturbation is almost always the best ticket there) and sex with partners, you will probably figure this out for yourself.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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kurisuto
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I thought perhaps someone had experienced this same thing as well as orgasm concluding that this is not it. But I guess it shall continue to be a mystery.
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Heather
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Again, we can't make that call for you, and neither could anyone else. Especially since for a given person, what you are describing could be something they are feeling one time when they ARE having orgasm, and another time when they are not!

It's just going to have to be something you explore, experiment with and find out more about over time.

By the way, Betty Dodson's classic "Sex for One" is a very handy book for people with vulvas having issues with orgasm and exploring masturbation. So, if you want some help and information when it comes to exploring these things more, it might be a good one to find a copy of for yourself. [Smile]

[ 05-13-2014, 02:59 PM: Message edited by: Heather ]

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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kurisuto
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Thank you for your suggestions but in my circumstance I don't think it will be much help, but thank you anyway.
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Heather
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I'm not sure what you mean by that, but if you'd like to discuss it more, you know we're here. [Smile]

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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kurisuto
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I've just already tried all of this as it's the same advice I'm always receiving. But that's alright.
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Heather
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I don't know what "all of this" is (every single thing in Betty's book, from learning more about what really turns you on, to trying different masturbation and relaxation techniques? Or....?) to know how to respond to that, if a response is what you'd like.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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kurisuto
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I just thought maybe someone with similar experience could tell me where this fits in in the steps of sexual response, since im pretty sure it's not orgasm. But I will just stop worrying about it I guess haha
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Heather
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Were you able to read the link Joey shared with you? If not, it does address that question.

But again, what you CAN know is if you are enjoying yourself or not, and doing what feels good to you. And since those things are also mostly what leads to orgasm, when you focus on them, orgasm is also pretty likely to start happening in time, if it is not already, or, if it IS already, become less mild in time.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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