posted
I have read all the 'Pregnancy Scared' articles (several times!)and yet i still cannot get rid of the worry that somehow I am pregnant. Every time we have vaginal sex we use a condom. the last time we had vaginal sex was the 1st of October. on the 4th, i got what i assume to be my period ( the bleeding lasted 4-5 days and i had achy breasts for the two weeks beforehand, which is a normal PMS symptom for me, and which disappeared soon after my period ended). i took a pregnancy test for this on the 20th ,21st and 26th of october,which all came out negtive, but i am so worried that the tests were wrong. on the 11th, we had manual and oral sex, where we were both naked but we were doing a 69 (sorry, tmi :/) so he ejacualated on my chest and the bed. i was concerned afterwards that, somehow, a massive load of ejaculate wound up inside me somehow, so i took EC on the 12th of october. now, today will be 21 days from that risk, and i plan to take another pregnancy test soon. with taking EC (Levonelle 1500) on the 8th day of my cycle, how late can i expect my period to be? on the box, it said that if you dont get your period within three weeks, take a pregnancy test. i had three days of light bleeding 4 days after taking EC, but, because i took it near the beginning of my cycle, i am not due for another period for aother week or so. so do i count this bleeding i had for three days as a period becoz it happened a week after i finished my period? or do i wait it out? a final thing, i saw my dr last week, and, during our discussion about condoms, she said that not only do they have a failure rate of up to 14%, they can also get tears that you will not notice... please, could i have some clarification on whether you will know if a condom has broken?? sorry that this is so long, I'm just going out of my mind with worry over this :'(
Posts: 135 | From: UK | Registered: Oct 2012
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Robin Lee
Volunteer Assistant Director
Member # 90293
posted
HI Cherylcakes and welcome to Scarleteen,
It sounds like you are super, super anxious about this.
Let's start with what your doctor told you. Yes, condoms do have a failure rate of about 14%; that is a measurement of people who were "typical" users of condoms (sometimes not using them properly) over a year. For people who are "perfect" users, the failure rate is only 2%, again, as measured over the period of a year with research subjects. So, this statistic doesn't actually mean that you have a 14% chance of being pregnant. You've taken several pregnancy tests, and also took emergency contraception.
No, it is not correct that condoms have tiny tears that you might not notice. That is an outdated belief that has been shown not to be accurate. If a condom breaks, you know it; it either splits or tears. So, as long as you're storing your condoms in a safe place, where they won't, say, get poked by a pair of nail scissors in your purse or drawer, there is no risk of tiny holes or tears.
Taking emergency contraception can throw off menstrual cycles for many people, so there's no telling when you'll get your next period. However, this doesn't mean that you can't trust any pregnancy tests that you take.
As you likely read in the articles on this site, pregnancy tests are considered accurate 14 or more days after the sexual activity that is considered to be a risk.
With the level of anxiety this is causing you, I would suggest that you and your partner sit down and have a conversation about changing things up in your sexual life. It sounds, from where I sit, as if engaging in the types of sexual activity that could lead to pregnancy is causing you more anxiety than it's worth. What do you think?
I'm also wondering if there are other things going on in your life that may be prompting this large amount of fear. How is your relationship in general? How about life overall? Anything else stressing or worrying you right now?
Here are a few articles to take a look at related to what I've talked about here:
posted
Hi, thanks for your quick and reassuring answer
I am, by nature, an anxious person- if i can worry about it, even if its a small thing, i will worry about it in the past, its been about illness in general , i am a terrible hypochondriac :/ i think this is all because this is my 1st relationship etc, and ive never been able to talk to my mum about this stuff because she is very religious, and, although she likes my partner, i can tell that this is not quite what she would like this upsets me, as i should be able to talk to my mum about this stuff :'( as for the doctor, i went into her office sobbing, and she was really abit insensitive about the whole thing just like to also say what a great site this is, god knows what i would have done had i not found it :')
Posts: 135 | From: UK | Registered: Oct 2012
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Robin Lee
Volunteer Assistant Director
Member # 90293
posted
HI There,
It sounds, from what you say, as if you and your Mum are very close, so I can see how it would be tough to feel her disapproval and to not be able to talk to her about something that is important to you.
How long have you been in this relationship?
What do you think about taking a break from intercourse for a while until you feel more secure?
-------------------- Robin Posts: 4610 | From: Washington DC suburbs | Registered: Dec 2011
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posted
it really does break my heart that me and my mum dont have the same attitudes to life
Only been going out a couple of months, but we have not had vaginal sex since the 1st of october, only manual and oral, and thats how its going to stay for a few months till i can get my head round everything we are safe only doing manual and oral, right? i know it says so in the pregnancy risk article, but i jus want to make absolutely sure that even if we are both naked, as long as theres no genital-to-genital contact and he doesnt ejaculate directly onto me then theres no risk? Posts: 135 | From: UK | Registered: Oct 2012
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Robin Lee
Volunteer Assistant Director
Member # 90293
posted
IN terms of level of risk, you've got that exactly right! Manual and oral sex don't pose pregnancy risks for the reasons you've mentioned.
These sexual activities do pose risks of STI transmission, though. Have you and your partner been tested for STIs?
Yes, I can imagine it would make you sad to feel like there's a barrier between you and your mom. How do you think it would be if you started a conversation with her, even just letting her know that you're worried she doesn't like your partner, and letting her know that you like your partner but that her opinion also matters to you? Do you think that might help you feel more connected to your Mum again? What do you think would happen if you had a conversation like that?
-------------------- Robin Posts: 4610 | From: Washington DC suburbs | Registered: Dec 2011
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posted
if i let her know that i feel like she doesnt like my parter, she will just be all 'you know why' (him not being religous, etc..) i dont feel that it would reap many results, as my main worry is about sex, something she would be really angry with me about if i even tried to bring it up so, if he was to ejaculate onto my chest, that would be fine and present no risks? i just get worried that somehow semen will find its way into me, even if our genitals are, like, waay apart at opposite ends lol so, for there to be a risk, he would have to ejaculate RIGHT, DIRECTLY ONTO my vagina, and that i would definitely know about it?
Posts: 135 | From: UK | Registered: Oct 2012
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Robin Lee
Volunteer Assistant Director
Member # 90293
posted
Nodding...it seems then that talking to your Mum isn't going to be the most helpful to you right now.
You've got it all right in terms of risks. Semen can't find it's way intside your vagina if it's on other parts of your body. It just can't.
-------------------- Robin Posts: 4610 | From: Washington DC suburbs | Registered: Dec 2011
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posted
okay, thanks for clearing that up so, can i say that the last time i had vaginal sex (1st october) was the last time i had a risk? and can discount all the manual and oral sex ive had since then as risks? if i was to take a pregnancy test in the next couple of days, it would be around 34 days after the vaginal sex and the test would be completely accurate? also, can i confidently say my 4-5 days of bleeding starting three days after i had vaginal sex was my period? thanks for all your help Posts: 135 | From: UK | Registered: Oct 2012
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posted
I don't see any reason you couldn't test at any time now.
On the whole, if it looks like a period, acts like a period, feels like a period, and comes around when you expect your period? It is a period.
-------------------- Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen About Me • Get our book! Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead Posts: 63686 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000
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posted
also, ive become really dry, when i get discharge its quite thick and whiteish...is this a sign that my periods coming?
Posts: 135 | From: UK | Registered: Oct 2012
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Robin Lee
Volunteer Assistant Director
Member # 90293
posted
Based on what you've read, does it make sense how that is so?
-------------------- Robin Posts: 4610 | From: Washington DC suburbs | Registered: Dec 2011
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posted
sorry, is this in response to my question about vaginal sex being the only risk? yes, i understand, however, i cant stop thinking that somehow, when i sat on the bed in my underwear or on a leather sofa after he ejaculated that i could still get pregnant if its in response to my question about discharge, i know that it means youre less fertile Posts: 135 | From: UK | Registered: Oct 2012
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Robin Lee
Volunteer Assistant Director
Member # 90293
posted
My apologies for being unclear. I didn't see your question about the discharge and was answering your question about the risk level. IN regards to that, it's not possible to get pregnant from sitting on a bed.
IN terms of discharge, yes, drier, thicker discharge is, for many people, a sign that their period is on its way.
-------------------- Robin Posts: 4610 | From: Washington DC suburbs | Registered: Dec 2011
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posted
so the fact that i had period-like bleeding three days after my last vaginal sex and a negative pregnancy test 20,21 and 26 days later means its very unlikely im pregnant? thanks for being so patient with me about all this Posts: 135 | From: UK | Registered: Oct 2012
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posted
With three negative pregnancy tests, I'd say you can know for sure that you are not pregnant.
-------------------- "Another world is not only possible, she is on her way. On a quiet day, I can hear her breathing." -Arundhati Roy Posts: 5344 | From: Canada/Australia | Registered: Sep 2004
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i was okay for the past couple days, now, suddenly, my pregnancy paranoia has flared up again
robin, common sense is telling me how its so that only the vaginal sex i had poses a risk, but i think i need to see it in writing from you, if thats okay..? for example, the other night, i gave my boyf a handjob and he ejaculated. we both washed our hands (i think!) but just after that he put his hands down there to adjust himself he then fingered me about 5 minutes later could he have got semen on his hand again after adjusting himself?? Posts: 135 | From: UK | Registered: Oct 2012
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Robin Lee
Volunteer Assistant Director
Member # 90293
posted
HI There,
Since you have already read the information on our site about how a pregnancy can and cannot happen, yu know that pregnancy can't happen from an indirect transfer like that.
Considering that you're having this degree of anxiety, what do you think about taking a break from sexual activities that promote this anxiety? Are you able to talk to your boyfriend about your worries?
y
-------------------- Robin Posts: 4610 | From: Washington DC suburbs | Registered: Dec 2011
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posted
I will take a break, just until i can get this all sorted in my head
I will tell him, he doesnt know that ive had anxiety issues in the past, but i am going to tell him soon
so, once and for all...ANY time semen makes ANY stops between penis and vagina, as in ANY,even a small stop on fingers,there is no pregnancy risk?
and it would be deliberate actions such as placing a penis INTETNIONALLY RIGHT, DIRECTLY over a vagina and ejaculating or INTENTIONAL, FULL genital to genital contact which is how a risk occurs? Posts: 135 | From: UK | Registered: Oct 2012
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Robin Lee
Volunteer Assistant Director
Member # 90293
posted
You've got it.
Pleaes let us know if you need any help figuring out how to talk to your boyfriend about this.
-------------------- Robin Posts: 4610 | From: Washington DC suburbs | Registered: Dec 2011
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i think im okay on that front, i mean, at the end of the day, if he cannot respect my decision to abstain, then i will have to do some serious thinking about this i understand that his feelings matter too, but how do i deal with it if he gets sulky about it?
also, i think id like to talk more about emotional ways of dealing with my anxiety about this Posts: 135 | From: UK | Registered: Oct 2012
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Robin Lee
Volunteer Assistant Director
Member # 90293
posted
Hi There,
You're very welcome.
It can be tough when two people want or need different things. Does your boyfriend tend to get sulky about things in general? My best suggestion for you would be to explain to him that while these sexual activities are fun for you while they're happening (assuming that they are, since that's why you're doing them, right?) it's not so much fun afterwards when you start to worry, and that you're working on the not-worrying part.
IN terms of the not-worrying/anxiety-management part, have you ever thought of talking with a counsellor or doctor about the anxiety you have around health things? If you're feeling severe anxiety around this and have felt this sort of anxiety around health before, I think either or both of those would be good places for you to start.
-------------------- Robin Posts: 4610 | From: Washington DC suburbs | Registered: Dec 2011
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posted
I did speak with a counsellor when i was at school (been in the uk for a few years now) but i had two sessions and never heard from her again, which sucked id rather not go back to my dr, after last time, shes not the emotionally caring sort i will see what i can do, i am trying to manage this on my own, and ive found it gets worse, along with my weird nervous tics i have round my period- theyve got worse in the past week or so, and im looking abit bloated, which i sometimes get before my period too im hoping that, despite the EC after manual sex, ill get my period soon Posts: 135 | From: UK | Registered: Oct 2012
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posted
i feel i would find it easy if i had like a mantra to go by and i found something that another volunteer said and just wondered if you can confirm that this is correct?
" really, any time you have to map out a route that the semen could have taken, you can be sure that there wasnt a risk to begin with" (joey)
Posts: 135 | From: UK | Registered: Oct 2012
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Robin Lee
Volunteer Assistant Director
Member # 90293
posted
Hey There,
Yes, that's a concise way of describing what we've been saying.
Do you have a mantra in mind? Meditation of various types can be helpful for a lot of people. Have you ever done meditation before?
-------------------- Robin Posts: 4610 | From: Washington DC suburbs | Registered: Dec 2011
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posted
my counsellor gave me some stuff to do, but i find it easier to worry
not a mantra as such, just something i can repeat to myself and have there to refer to when im feeling low, like what Joey said above Posts: 135 | From: UK | Registered: Oct 2012
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Robin Lee
Volunteer Assistant Director
Member # 90293
posted
*gentle chuckle* Often feeling better does take work, and it's a choice to do that work.
What did your counsellor suggest?
So, how about you try repeating that sentence from Joey every time you start to worry, or perhaps even at set times of the day? What do you think?
-------------------- Robin Posts: 4610 | From: Washington DC suburbs | Registered: Dec 2011
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posted
just some breathing excercises, i didnt fid them very helpful tbh
i definitely will refer back to what joey said, by far the biggest reassurance for me has been reading other posts on here, it has helped immensely Posts: 135 | From: UK | Registered: Oct 2012
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We have NEVER heard back from a single user, not in going on 15 years of service, who came telling us they were pregnant when we told them they had little to no risk.
Not once. And believe me, I pay attention to these things. (I've also always been the person who managed our email.)
Sure, maybe it happens and those people didn't get back to us, but given the level of complaints vs. accolades on sites like Yelp, and given what a big deal pregnancy is, I think we can probably agree we probably WOULD have heard back from folks like that.
-------------------- Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen About Me • Get our book! Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead Posts: 63686 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000
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I never am really satisfied that I understand anything; because, understand it well as I may, my comprehension can only be an infinitesimal fraction of all I want to understand. - Ada Lovelace Posts: 823 | From: Seattle | Registered: Apr 2009
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posted
and you definitely think that the fact i breaking out on my face and my discharge is white is a sign of my period, not pregnancy? Posts: 135 | From: UK | Registered: Oct 2012
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posted
so now im worried that we may have had genital to genital contact i didnt notice or remember- im 98% sure we didnt, but what if i didnt notice? Posts: 135 | From: UK | Registered: Oct 2012
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posted
Direct genital to genital contact is something that you'd notice happening, especially given your level of concern around this. It sounds to me like you're the kind of person who's very careful about avoiding potential risks.
You're already worrying about a lot of things, so there is no need to add unlikely what-if scenario to that, alright?
Have you had that talk with your boyfriend yet? How did that go?
(Btw, I am happy to see that the advice I gave another user has been so helpful to you! )
-------------------- -joey Scarleteen Volunteer
"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand Posts: 8455 | From: Cologne, Germany | Registered: Sep 2005
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posted
still no period, just white discharge, a bloated tummy, alot of anxiety and a moody temperament just some things that have been bothering me- i know you dont recommend withdrawal with condoms, but, unfortunately, thats what weve done in the past, and he hasnt held onto the base till i asked him to :/ the condom did not come off, it was still firmly on there is there still a risk? also, i know you say pregnancy and period symptoms are similar, but if youve got the symptoms of a period and are pregnant, are they your body gearing up for a period or are they separate and nothing to do with a period?
Posts: 135 | From: UK | Registered: Oct 2012
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Robin Lee
Volunteer Assistant Director
Member # 90293
posted
HI There,
We don't recommend withdrawal with condoms because of the increased risk that the condom could come off. However, if the condom didn't come off in specific situations, that doesn't present an increased risk.
How late is your period now?
I'm not really sure I understand your question about symptoms. Could you say more about what you mean?
-------------------- Robin Posts: 4610 | From: Washington DC suburbs | Registered: Dec 2011
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posted
i really couldnt say how late it is- im very irregular, i recently counted up my cycles for the year and they range feom 29 days to 43 but i am regular in the sense i get one every month
im so sorry i wasnt very clear- i meant that if you get period symptoms and you are pregnant, they are definitely because you are pregnant, your body doesnt prepare for a period by giving you those symtoms and then just not releasing the blood? i hope thats abit clearer Posts: 135 | From: UK | Registered: Oct 2012
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Robin Lee
Volunteer Assistant Director
Member # 90293
posted
No, because once you're pregnant the menstrual cycle stops.
posted
i know, but its really emotionally effecting me, all this worry i still cant help but think i am at risk from the vaginal sex i had just before what i assumed was my period, and negative tests :'( i cant do this much longer Posts: 135 | From: UK | Registered: Oct 2012
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Robin Lee
Volunteer Assistant Director
Member # 90293
posted
Can you perhaps talk some more about what it is that is making you not trust what you learned here, or the results of the several pregnancy tests you took?
-------------------- Robin Posts: 4610 | From: Washington DC suburbs | Registered: Dec 2011
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posted
i am at that age (18) where people i went to school with are getting pregnant, and now im sexually active its just a concern i have, i suppose
its not that i dont trust what you all say here, im sorry if it came across like that, it wasnt inteded, you have been a godsend i think i may have trust issues generally, ive never felt completely trustworthy of anyone, not even my family, i dont know why i want to trust what you say, i really really do, and to an extent i do..i just get a lingering sense of doubt in my mind
i read something good on another post on here about how people like me who have been brought up in a religious way feel guilty about having sexual relationships, and this manfiests itself in this constant worry, i feel i can identify with this anaolgy
i read a partic magazine quite regularly and it seems that every week there is a story about a woman who goes into labour after having NO IDEA she was pregnant- she was on the pill, said she had regular bleeds and the pregnancy test at the drs came out negative then the doubt creeps in, i start thinking what if?
so the 4-5 days of bleeding and a negative pregnancy test can fully be trusted?
quote:i read a partic magazine quite regularly and it seems that every week there is a story about a woman who goes into labour after having NO IDEA she was pregnant- she was on the pill, said she had regular bleeds and the pregnancy test at the drs came out negative
PLEASE know that stories like these are FICTIONS.
No one who takes a pregnancy to full term and delivers is going to have had a doctor be unable to find that they were pregnant throughout a pregnancy. You simply can't not locate a fetus in a person's body through a whole of pregnancy and yet have one developing throughout.
Maybe you'd feel better by getting some more education on things like this and a second opinion form an OB/GYN? Sometimes an educational talk with a doctor or clinician can be really valuable.
-------------------- Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen About Me • Get our book! Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead Posts: 63686 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000
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posted
ive been to two drs asking about things like this- the first one was okay, but was very keen on abstinence the second, my regular dr, made me feel scared and she was very insensitive i found this site, and it was everything i needed- non judgemental, informative, acurate and really is the only thing which calms me :') i found this comment which you posted on another post and wondered if you could explain your resoning..?
"but if and when there is genital contact but without any seminal fluid at all, then there still wont be pregnancy risks."
Posts: 135 | From: UK | Registered: Oct 2012
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posted
I'm so sorry to hear that about your experiences with doctors. GRR.
And sure, I'm happy to explain that.
In order for a pregnancy to occur, we need a lot of things to be going on, and one of the things we need are sperm sells. Without those cells, a pregnancy can't happen. And sperm cells are only going to be present if fluids from the penis are present.
-------------------- Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen About Me • Get our book! Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead Posts: 63686 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000
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yes, I really was shocked and saddened when the drs made me feel like i was irresponsible- i dont want to feel like this, im not stupid, i know the risks, im only 18, i dont want to be judged
i want to trust that my 4-5 days of bleeding was a period, ad that the tests were correct, i just dont know how i know deep down that it likely was a period any suggestions on this doubt issue i have?
posted
Well, and you -- and any patient -- has every right not to be. That's not the quality of care any healthcare provider should be providing.
Really, when logic and science aren't something someone is finding believeable, beyond counseling to address phobias (illogical fears), it's very hard to help someone.
What do YOU think would help you?
-------------------- Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen About Me • Get our book! Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead Posts: 63686 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000
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in the past, its been about illness in general , i am a terrible hypochondriac :/ ![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
we are safe only doing manual and oral, right? i know it says so in the pregnancy risk article, but i jus want to make absolutely sure that even if we are both naked, as long as theres no genital-to-genital contact and he doesnt ejaculate directly onto me then theres no risk? ![[Razz]](tongue.gif)
so, for there to be a risk, he would have to ejaculate RIGHT, DIRECTLY ONTO my vagina, and that i would definitely know about it?
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