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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » EXPERT ADVICE » Ask Scarleteen » idk anymore (Page 2)

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foreverbroken
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I go back on the 23 and I come home on weekends. Basically when my dad is happy everyone is and he is very good at putting the blame on everyone else and making them feel like crap. I am sorry

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Im always abandond

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September
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You have nothing to apologize for, diamond.

How are you doing in terms of options for getting out of the house and fnding some distraction? Things like going for a run, meeting some friends, or even just sitting in a cozy coffee place to do some reading?

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Johanna
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"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

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foreverbroken
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ya i have a few things i can do to distract myself its hard tho when i dont have a car and my dad is always onmy case. Does that makes sense any ideas?

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Im always abandond

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foreverbroken
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I think my apt went fine they were unable to do a pap it hurt to bad. So he just felt it with his fingers. I had blood tests a shoot and a urine test done so I will have to wait and see I also have to get an ultrasound idk why and what that can show or scything. Confused I guess

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foreverbroken
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I was also wondering what all the terms mean like asgender queer gender and bi gender what do all the terms mean regarding sexuality?

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Im always abandond

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September
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Well, why don't you start by thinking of some things you like to do, and then working out which of them you can engage in. For example, if you like to be outside and go for walks, you can easily do that without access to a car. If there are places that you can't easily get to, maybe you can look into bus schedules in your area?

Sounds like that doctor's visit went well, then! I am sure you are glad it's over.

As for the terms you mentioned, they are ways that people can identify in terms of their gender identity. Some people don't identify with the gender assigned to them at birth, and instead identify as the opposite gender. Others feel like their gender fluctuates and can't be pinned down, and yet other people feel like they can't identify with any identity that is part of our binary system.

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Johanna
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"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

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foreverbroken
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i just thought there was LGBT. so what does queer mean and gender binary?? I am sorry i do not know what all these mean, i was taught heterosexual and homosexual. Is it ok to like both genders but only date the oppisete sex. What is that called?

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Heather
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Know how it's okay to like tomatoes and carrots, but only choose to eat carrots? same goes here. We can like whomever we like, yet still choose to date who we want to, and choose not to date who we don't, for whatever our reasons may be.

The Q in LGBTQ either means queer -- a term some people use to mean not-heterosexual, but any number of other variations -- or for questioning: someone who, like you, isn't sure how they identify at the moment.

The gender binary is a term that describes the idea -- the false idea -- the there are only two genders, not the wide range of gender there is in reality.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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September
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The words that make up the first three letters of th acronym LGBT (lesbian, gay and bisexual, respectively) describe sexual orientation. That doesn't say much about the gender identity of someone, only about who they are attracted to. The last word in the acronym, transsexual, is about gender identity: it means people who, like I mentioned above, do not identify with the gender they were assigned at birth.

The gender binary is the system that we live in, in which we only officially acknowledge two genders (male and female) even though there are a lot of people who don't fit into either category and/or don't feel comfortable with the gender they were assigned.

The word "queer" is pretty versatile and is used in lots of different ways. People can use it to describe their sexual orientation, then it usually means that they are/can be attracted to people of all sexes and genders, rather than just people who identify as male or female.

We have some articles that may also help you out with all these words:
The Bees and...the Bees: A Homosexuality and Bisexuality Primer
Genderpalooza! A Sex & Gender Primer
Q is for Questioning

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Johanna
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"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

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foreverbroken
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ok idk really what to identify myself as. I have never dated anyone before. But when i see a nice and pretty women i cant help but think oh shes is beautiful and i want to be near them alot and want to be close to them. I like when we hug or what ever. I have never kissed a girl or anything. I want to date guys on the other hand i cant help fantisize about girls and think what will it be like if i am with one. I am to scared and ashamed to be with one. I also am not attracted to every girl out there. So am i a bad person what am i? i am confused.

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Im always abandond

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September
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Diamond, why don't you read the third of the articles I linked to above? It is totally okay to not be sure what you identify as, and to not have that figured out yet.

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Johanna
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"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

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Heather
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Also? No one is attracted to every person, even if their sexual orientation is such that they could potentially be attracted to someone of that person's gender.

And being attracted to people or not doesn't make anyone good or bad people.

But for sure, how about doing some of that reading? [Smile] What you're asking for here is there.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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foreverbroken
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i have a hard time reading long articles like that my mind gets so compuzzled. So if i like both genders and only want to date the oppiset gender does that make me bi or bicurious?

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Im always abandond

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Heather
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We can't tell someone what their sexual orientation is because that's not something someone can assign someone else.

It's up to YOU how you identify, and on you to decide what orientation you feel you are. But again, who we date isn't really part of sexual orientation, because that's a term to talk about who we feel attraction to: whether or not we act on those feelings, or how, or if we have the opportunity to even do so isn't about feelings.

Just FYI, that last article isn't long. It's quite short, and I really do think it'd help. It's written in the exact same style we talk to users in here.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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foreverbroken
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ok i am sorry with my disabillity it makes it hard for me to read in general. I am sorry for asking and for coming on here. Please dont be mad

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Im always abandond

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Heather
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No one is mad. Asking for someone to acknowledge limits we have -- whether it's us asking you, or you ever asking someone else -- isn't about being made. We've got limitations just like you do, that's all.

We simply need all of our users to understand that we don't have the resources as an organization to to provide information for users only via our direct services like the boards.

We need users to use both those services and the articles combined when there's a high level of need, which we write in the same way we write in direct services, so if communication this way works for a user, most of the articles should as well. If and when they don't, we're always happy to look for articles on our site or elsewhere that better fit someone's learning style or abilities.

[ 08-10-2012, 04:21 PM: Message edited by: Heather ]

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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foreverbroken
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ok i am sorry please forgive me. Do you want me to stop coming here and delete my account? That always happenes to me. They get sick of me and cant deal with me and so they kick me off and say i cant come back again adn i have no where else to turn so if that happenes here idk what i will do i will have no o ne to talk to nothing i can do and i dont know what will happen with my health and what not. I hope this is not happening to me if it is thats ok to its not my site and i only the workers and what not can tell me if i cant come back or not. So am i allowed to come back or not?

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Im always abandond

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Heather
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diamonddust: here's what I need for you to do for being here to work for everyone, same as we need from anyone else.

I need -- we need -- for anything we or you say that's in some kind of conflict, or where you feel uncertain -- not to be escalated. In other words, you assume we're mad, we make clear we don't, but then you take that another step and post about deleting accounts or getting sick of you, etc.

I understand you have those feelings and fears based on previous experiences, but we really need our users to try and base their experiences here ON their experiences here.

We also need for users not to effectively threaten us by saying if they didn't have us, something terrible would happen to them. That's just not a fair burden to put on us as a service, especially one with so many limitations.

Again, no one has asked you to leave, but certainly if you feel your well-being hinges strongly on an online forum of any kind, I would suggest that is a pretty serious issue, and a signal you need more in-person support than you are getting, and I'd do what you could to increase that support.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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foreverbroken
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i am sorry for over reacting i tend to do that a lot. I really am sorry i dont mean to cause any trouble i really am. I have had a lot of peole leave me in my life and its hard to not have a wall up. Does that make sense? Please for give me for my wrong doing. I have an advicate that i see once a week for an hr. Thats going to help and getting out of my house and getting more freedom will help me alot. I know that i am not getting kicked off and i can count on all of you. I do understand that there are limitations and it makes it hard for you to help everyone and not be able to from limatations and distense and what not. I am very thankful for all the help i have gotten on here. It means a lot and i am going to keep coming back and talking i need sensitivity and gentel respones when it comes to telling me what i did wrong. I have social skills disorders and its hard for me to know bonderies and so on. I am trying really hard to overcome that adn i have gotten better i know i still have a lot to learn and i am going to keep learning. I hope this makes everyone more informed with what i am going thro and how my soical skills affects me. If there are any Qs? i am more then happy to answer them for ya. Again i am sorry for how i over reacted i do not want to get hurt again thats all. I want to say thank you again for everything it is has and will always be very helpfull

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Im always abandond

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Heather
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I understand.

I just want to make clear that we are as gentle and sensitive as possible, so if the way we have responded to date isn't something that works for you, there really isn't anything we can do to make it work more. If that's going to be an issue for you, then it'll just be up to you to decide if this is a space that's right for you. If you come to the decision it isn't, feel free to let us know and we'll see if we can't find you a different space that suits you better.

In the meantime, please understand that we communicate very directly here: there's no subtext. So, if we need someone to take a break from here, that's what we'll say. If we feel that we need to put someone's account no hold or take their access to the board away, we'll say that directly, too. And if we feel upset by something someone has said, we'll say that we feel upset.

In turn we do need our users to do what they can to respect our limits and boundaries. We understand not everyone is good with that, so we can make some leeway, but we need users to make an effort to be respectful in that way, that's all. [Smile]

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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foreverbroken
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i feel like everyone else has been nice and sensitive to me but you. i feel like i did something to you and i dont know what. I feel like you personaly do not like me. I am doing my best i want everyone to know that. When i read others posts and they say thanks you reply with your welcome and with a smile. I dont know what i did i am sorry i want to know if you can forgive me. Have i done anything wrong that makes you want to have my account on hold?

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Im always abandond

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foreverbroken
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i mean maybe i am reading into this to much and i am sorry i will stop assuming people are mad at me and stop appologizing for something i didnt do and i will read the articles i get from you and if ihave any other questions I will ask after i read the article. I really want to know if i can still talk about my rape on here i like the help i am getting by the volunteers [Smile]

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Im always abandond

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Heather
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Once more, no one has even remotely suggested you cannot talk about what you want to talk about here. You can.

And in the spirit of non-escalating or creating drama that isn't there, let's move forward, okay? Again, if anyone feels upset by something you've said or done, we will absolutely let you know, and will let you know that very clearly.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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foreverbroken
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i wasnt trying to start drama and lets start fresh. Hi Heather my name is Diamonddust. Nice to meet you and i am glad i found this site and am able to talk here on how i feel regarding the rape and if i have any questions or anything regarding sex i can ask. Makes me feel happy and safe. [Smile]

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Im always abandond

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Heather
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Heh. [Smile] Nicely done.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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foreverbroken
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[Smile] when the doctor did the exam and when he ended up sticking his finger all the way in me since a pelvic exam was to painful i felt violated and like it was happening again and when he put pressure on my overias and cervix it was tender is that normal even tho it happende march 26th? Is that a sign something is wrong? i am getting an ultersound on monday and will know more then should i be this worried?

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Im always abandond

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Heather
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By all means, pelvic exams can trigger survivors. I hope your advocate was able to be a good support for you in that.

If you had tenderness, then it could be a signal something is wrong, but it could just as easily just be about where you're at in your menstrual cycle.

My guess is they decided to do an ultrasound to try and get information they couldn't if you couldn't complete your pap smear and bimanual exam, and/or to further investigate that tenderness. I'd assume their main concern is any untreated infections you might have gotten during your assault that were not treated.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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foreverbroken
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what does bimanual mean and i dont get my period for 2 weeks. and my advicate was good and helpful i am scared to have it done. What if there is something? i mean my doctor was really nice the whole time i do not understand how an ultersound works and how can they find something?

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Im always abandond

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Heather
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A bimanual pelvic exam is where the doctor uses one hand (or fingers, more like it), inside the vagina and another to feel the pelvis and abdominal area externally.

An ultrasound is like an x-ray of your reproductive system: it allows a medical professional to be able to see what's going on inside to some degree. Make sense?

If there is something amiss, they'll find out what it is, and then they should tell you what your options are in treating or managing that something.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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foreverbroken
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thats what he did was that and i have had an ultrasound before i dont know how they can tell by looking at the screen if somethhing is wrong. since i was raped am i supposed to get them once a year? even tho i am not sexually active?

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Im always abandond

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Heather
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Well, you can see scar tissue inside a uterus with an ultrasound, for instance, which -- if these exams are only about your assault, not about other health conditions you have going on, where they might be looking for something else -- can show if complications have arisen from an untreated STI.

But really, your doctor knows exactly what they're doing it for, which we don't. So, with something like this, they are the person to ask: you can ask them what they are looking for directly. Or, you could ask your advocate to ask if you don't feel able to yourself.

STI testing is something we don't only do while sexually active, ideally, but something we start doing, usually around yearly, if we're doing the best we can with that healthcare, after any kind of sexual contact, or sexual abuse/assault. That's because things can show up later which didn't earlier. And preventative reproductive healthcare is something we all should be able to get yearly or so whether or not we're having or have had any kind of sex.

That's because our reproductive systems are active and can have issues even when we've had and are having no kind of sex or sexual assault/abuse at all.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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foreverbroken
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ya i think having this rape brought up flashbacks of when i was raped when i was 8.

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Im always abandond

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Heather
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That can certainly happen. In fact, with sexual assault and other kind of big trauma, when it happens when we're children, our minds can often repress a lot. So, things coming up later, period, is very common, but for sure, another assault, can also bring them right back up.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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foreverbroken
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can i share my story with you of when i was 8 and now?

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Im always abandond

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Heather
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(by the by, just so you don't think I'm waling out on you, I'm heading off work for the night, and will be away from work most of the weekend.

But as usual, other volunteers will be around. [Smile]

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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