posted
No one is mad. Asking for someone to acknowledge limits we have -- whether it's us asking you, or you ever asking someone else -- isn't about being made. We've got limitations just like you do, that's all.
We simply need all of our users to understand that we don't have the resources as an organization to to provide information for users only via our direct services like the boards.
We need users to use both those services and the articles combined when there's a high level of need, which we write in the same way we write in direct services, so if communication this way works for a user, most of the articles should as well. If and when they don't, we're always happy to look for articles on our site or elsewhere that better fit someone's learning style or abilities.
-------------------- Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen About Me Get our book! Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead Posts: 63428 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000
| IP: Logged |
posted
ok i am sorry please forgive me. Do you want me to stop coming here and delete my account? That always happenes to me. They get sick of me and cant deal with me and so they kick me off and say i cant come back again adn i have no where else to turn so if that happenes here idk what i will do i will have no o ne to talk to nothing i can do and i dont know what will happen with my health and what not. I hope this is not happening to me if it is thats ok to its not my site and i only the workers and what not can tell me if i cant come back or not. So am i allowed to come back or not?
-------------------- Im always abandond Posts: 363 | Registered: Aug 2012
| IP: Logged |
posted
diamonddust: here's what I need for you to do for being here to work for everyone, same as we need from anyone else.
I need -- we need -- for anything we or you say that's in some kind of conflict, or where you feel uncertain -- not to be escalated. In other words, you assume we're mad, we make clear we don't, but then you take that another step and post about deleting accounts or getting sick of you, etc.
I understand you have those feelings and fears based on previous experiences, but we really need our users to try and base their experiences here ON their experiences here.
We also need for users not to effectively threaten us by saying if they didn't have us, something terrible would happen to them. That's just not a fair burden to put on us as a service, especially one with so many limitations.
Again, no one has asked you to leave, but certainly if you feel your well-being hinges strongly on an online forum of any kind, I would suggest that is a pretty serious issue, and a signal you need more in-person support than you are getting, and I'd do what you could to increase that support.
-------------------- Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen About Me Get our book! Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead Posts: 63428 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000
| IP: Logged |
posted
i am sorry for over reacting i tend to do that a lot. I really am sorry i dont mean to cause any trouble i really am. I have had a lot of peole leave me in my life and its hard to not have a wall up. Does that make sense? Please for give me for my wrong doing. I have an advicate that i see once a week for an hr. Thats going to help and getting out of my house and getting more freedom will help me alot. I know that i am not getting kicked off and i can count on all of you. I do understand that there are limitations and it makes it hard for you to help everyone and not be able to from limatations and distense and what not. I am very thankful for all the help i have gotten on here. It means a lot and i am going to keep coming back and talking i need sensitivity and gentel respones when it comes to telling me what i did wrong. I have social skills disorders and its hard for me to know bonderies and so on. I am trying really hard to overcome that adn i have gotten better i know i still have a lot to learn and i am going to keep learning. I hope this makes everyone more informed with what i am going thro and how my soical skills affects me. If there are any Qs? i am more then happy to answer them for ya. Again i am sorry for how i over reacted i do not want to get hurt again thats all. I want to say thank you again for everything it is has and will always be very helpfull
-------------------- Im always abandond Posts: 363 | Registered: Aug 2012
| IP: Logged |
I just want to make clear that we are as gentle and sensitive as possible, so if the way we have responded to date isn't something that works for you, there really isn't anything we can do to make it work more. If that's going to be an issue for you, then it'll just be up to you to decide if this is a space that's right for you. If you come to the decision it isn't, feel free to let us know and we'll see if we can't find you a different space that suits you better.
In the meantime, please understand that we communicate very directly here: there's no subtext. So, if we need someone to take a break from here, that's what we'll say. If we feel that we need to put someone's account no hold or take their access to the board away, we'll say that directly, too. And if we feel upset by something someone has said, we'll say that we feel upset.
In turn we do need our users to do what they can to respect our limits and boundaries. We understand not everyone is good with that, so we can make some leeway, but we need users to make an effort to be respectful in that way, that's all.
-------------------- Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen About Me Get our book! Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead Posts: 63428 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000
| IP: Logged |
posted
i feel like everyone else has been nice and sensitive to me but you. i feel like i did something to you and i dont know what. I feel like you personaly do not like me. I am doing my best i want everyone to know that. When i read others posts and they say thanks you reply with your welcome and with a smile. I dont know what i did i am sorry i want to know if you can forgive me. Have i done anything wrong that makes you want to have my account on hold?
-------------------- Im always abandond Posts: 363 | Registered: Aug 2012
| IP: Logged |
posted
i mean maybe i am reading into this to much and i am sorry i will stop assuming people are mad at me and stop appologizing for something i didnt do and i will read the articles i get from you and if ihave any other questions I will ask after i read the article. I really want to know if i can still talk about my rape on here i like the help i am getting by the volunteers
-------------------- Im always abandond Posts: 363 | Registered: Aug 2012
| IP: Logged |
posted
Once more, no one has even remotely suggested you cannot talk about what you want to talk about here. You can.
And in the spirit of non-escalating or creating drama that isn't there, let's move forward, okay? Again, if anyone feels upset by something you've said or done, we will absolutely let you know, and will let you know that very clearly.
-------------------- Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen About Me Get our book! Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead Posts: 63428 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000
| IP: Logged |
posted
i wasnt trying to start drama and lets start fresh. Hi Heather my name is Diamonddust. Nice to meet you and i am glad i found this site and am able to talk here on how i feel regarding the rape and if i have any questions or anything regarding sex i can ask. Makes me feel happy and safe.
-------------------- Im always abandond Posts: 363 | Registered: Aug 2012
| IP: Logged |
-------------------- Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen About Me Get our book! Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead Posts: 63428 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000
| IP: Logged |
posted
when the doctor did the exam and when he ended up sticking his finger all the way in me since a pelvic exam was to painful i felt violated and like it was happening again and when he put pressure on my overias and cervix it was tender is that normal even tho it happende march 26th? Is that a sign something is wrong? i am getting an ultersound on monday and will know more then should i be this worried?
-------------------- Im always abandond Posts: 363 | Registered: Aug 2012
| IP: Logged |
posted
By all means, pelvic exams can trigger survivors. I hope your advocate was able to be a good support for you in that.
If you had tenderness, then it could be a signal something is wrong, but it could just as easily just be about where you're at in your menstrual cycle.
My guess is they decided to do an ultrasound to try and get information they couldn't if you couldn't complete your pap smear and bimanual exam, and/or to further investigate that tenderness. I'd assume their main concern is any untreated infections you might have gotten during your assault that were not treated.
-------------------- Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen About Me Get our book! Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead Posts: 63428 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000
| IP: Logged |
posted
what does bimanual mean and i dont get my period for 2 weeks. and my advicate was good and helpful i am scared to have it done. What if there is something? i mean my doctor was really nice the whole time i do not understand how an ultersound works and how can they find something?
-------------------- Im always abandond Posts: 363 | Registered: Aug 2012
| IP: Logged |
posted
A bimanual pelvic exam is where the doctor uses one hand (or fingers, more like it), inside the vagina and another to feel the pelvis and abdominal area externally.
An ultrasound is like an x-ray of your reproductive system: it allows a medical professional to be able to see what's going on inside to some degree. Make sense?
If there is something amiss, they'll find out what it is, and then they should tell you what your options are in treating or managing that something.
-------------------- Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen About Me Get our book! Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead Posts: 63428 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000
| IP: Logged |
posted
thats what he did was that and i have had an ultrasound before i dont know how they can tell by looking at the screen if somethhing is wrong. since i was raped am i supposed to get them once a year? even tho i am not sexually active?
-------------------- Im always abandond Posts: 363 | Registered: Aug 2012
| IP: Logged |
posted
Well, you can see scar tissue inside a uterus with an ultrasound, for instance, which -- if these exams are only about your assault, not about other health conditions you have going on, where they might be looking for something else -- can show if complications have arisen from an untreated STI.
But really, your doctor knows exactly what they're doing it for, which we don't. So, with something like this, they are the person to ask: you can ask them what they are looking for directly. Or, you could ask your advocate to ask if you don't feel able to yourself.
STI testing is something we don't only do while sexually active, ideally, but something we start doing, usually around yearly, if we're doing the best we can with that healthcare, after any kind of sexual contact, or sexual abuse/assault. That's because things can show up later which didn't earlier. And preventative reproductive healthcare is something we all should be able to get yearly or so whether or not we're having or have had any kind of sex.
That's because our reproductive systems are active and can have issues even when we've had and are having no kind of sex or sexual assault/abuse at all.
-------------------- Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen About Me Get our book! Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead Posts: 63428 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000
| IP: Logged |
posted
That can certainly happen. In fact, with sexual assault and other kind of big trauma, when it happens when we're children, our minds can often repress a lot. So, things coming up later, period, is very common, but for sure, another assault, can also bring them right back up.
-------------------- Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen About Me Get our book! Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead Posts: 63428 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000
| IP: Logged |
posted
(by the by, just so you don't think I'm waling out on you, I'm heading off work for the night, and will be away from work most of the weekend.
But as usual, other volunteers will be around.
-------------------- Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen About Me Get our book! Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead Posts: 63428 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000
| IP: Logged |
posted
is there an email i can email someone my story and talk about it i dont feel comfortable having it on here for everyobdy to see. Please and thanks
-------------------- Im always abandond Posts: 363 | Registered: Aug 2012
| IP: Logged |
posted
Hey there, diamonddust: I'm afraid our protected area is currently not operating, and we don't have the resources or support to counsel users via email (nor the liability coverage).
Like I said, I'm away for most of the weekend, but this is something you'll just need to decide if you're comfortable having public here. If you have chosen a handle you don't use anywhere else, and post without personally identifying anyone, it's absolutely anonymous, but still not everyone will feel comfortable with that. You'll just have to decide for yourself if you do.
-------------------- Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen About Me Get our book! Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead Posts: 63428 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000
| IP: Logged |
posted
i have a few questiongs if someone could please answer them. 1. Is it a bad thing if i dont take my pill at the same time every day. Like in the morning some times then at night others and sometimes at 1am? 2. Is it bad if my coverias are tender? 3. How does someone over come being raped and dealing with flashbacks? 4. I am very self contios now more then i was before i was raped is this common for that to happen? Please i can use all the answers or help i can get. p.s I am hoping Robin can read this and answer some i havnt heard from her in a while and i liked how she was able to talk to me and answer me in a way i was able to understand. Diamond
-------------------- Im always abandond Posts: 363 | Registered: Aug 2012
| IP: Logged |
posted
For the pill to work properly, you will want to take it as close to the same time as possible every day. It is okay if you vary by a couple of hours, but you will want to avoid huge differences.
I am not sure what you mean by "coverias". Can you describe what you mean? Or maybe look up if you spelled what you wanted to say correctly?
Overcoming a rape and dealing with all of the after effects, such as nightmares, flashbacks, lowered self-esteem, etc is a long and difficult process. That sucks, a lot, but there's really no way to get around it or speed it up. You are already off to a good start by having told people about, and you already have your advocate by your side to help you out. The next important step would be working with a counselor who can help you talk through this.
-------------------- -joey Scarleteen Volunteer
"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand Posts: 8424 | From: Cologne, Germany | Registered: Sep 2005
| IP: Logged |
posted
Ovaries can be tender for a number of different reasons. Sometimes it's just due to where you are in your menstrual cycle, sometimes it's because of an infection or other health issue. There's really no way for us to know what's going on in your case specifically, so I'd ask your doctor if you can. If there is a problem, the ultrasound should help figure out what that is.
-------------------- "Another world is not only possible, she is on her way. On a quiet day, I can hear her breathing." -Arundhati Roy Posts: 5329 | From: Canada/Australia | Registered: Sep 2004
| IP: Logged |
Copyright 1998, 2013 Heather Corinna/Scarleteen
Scarleteen.com: Providing comprehensive sex education online to teens and young adults worldwide since 1998
Information on this site is provided for educational purposes. It is not meant to and cannot substitute for advice or care provided by an in-person medical professional. The information contained herein is not meant to be used to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease, or for prescribing any medication. You should always consult your own healthcare provider if you have a health problem or medical condition.
UBBFriend: Email this page to someone!
![[Smile]](smile.gif)
Printer-friendly view of this topic