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Member # 60699

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One of my very good friends, Anna, is in a complicated, abusive relationship with a guy named Ben, and is almost trapped. I don't know 100% of the details but I will try to explain the situation as best as possible.

I think a lot of this started with them getting into lots of fights because Ben smokes so much pot. It's not that Anna is against pot, she even does it sometimes too, but he smokes so much that it interferes with his life. He does poorly in school as a result. His parents give him a lot of money daily which he just spends on pot. Once, Ben's parents offered to pay for him to take Anna out for a nice dinner and he convinced Anna that they should take the money and spend it on pot instead. Anna has tried to get him to stop smoking so much and he always promises he'll stop but then just does it behind her back and lies to her face. He also drinks a lot. Anna has had multiple interventions with his parents, but they don't take it seriously and do nothing to stop it. All they do is discredit her because they paid for a therapist who thinks he's fine but apparently Ben lies to the therapist too. They fight almost everyday. He's even pushed her to the ground when he was drunk because she took away his car keys. The other day he was drunk and she took his cigarettes from him and he attacked her. THEN his parents came home and he started fighting them physically and even after THAT his parents are still mad at ANNA, who has done nothing but try to help him. Apparently the cops have come to his house in a situation unrelated to Anna so they know something is going on I guess. She's tried to break up with him but when she does he cries and cuts himself. One time he thought she was breaking up with him over the phone and he went and cut himself and had to go to the hospital. She's been talking to the substance abuse counselor at school about him and he's always there to talk but there's not much Anna can have him do since Ben's parents are aware of what's going but are blaming Anna. Ben has some emotional problems so his parents kind of baby him and don't realize how serious the situation is. Everyday there's another fight, another extremely dramatic situation, and Anna is exhausted and fed up but can't get out of it. She even told me Ben's parents are considering a restraining order against her because for some reason they just can't see that it's their son that has a problem. I want to help her but I don't know what to do.

Posts: 31 | From: USA | Registered: Mar 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 41699

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Hi, giraffe, I'm sorry to hear that your friend is going through this and that you're so worried. You sound like you're a very caring and supportive friend, so kudos to you [Smile] Unfortunately there is only so much we can do as outsiders of the situation; you can definitely continue to offer her support, and you can offer her some resources (we can help you with that if you want) and let her know that if she feels ready to ever report this to the police or anything, you will be there to help her through it. But other than that, reporting the abuse and/or getting out of the situation comes down to her in the end, unfortunately. I know how hard it can be to see a friend go through this and feel so helpless; but being a strong support for her can actually work wonders for victims of abuse. So do know how valuable just being there for her is [Smile]
Posts: 1311 | From: Ontario, Canada | Registered: Dec 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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