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Author Topic: so sad and confused.
HubbaBee09
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I just have a question that's a little bit different I guess. The day before yesterday me and my boyfriend were hanging out. He was doing some drinking, which lowered his inhibitions a little and he told me that he has experimented with one of his friends when he was younger. That's all cool and stuff, he said it was just a close friend that he messed around with for a few years. It did suprise me to an extent but I was down, that part really didn't concern me. when I asked him the last time they messed around though, he told me that it was less than a year ago. We've been together for 2 years and some months, since December of 2008. When he told me this he asked me to not be mad, and that he does rly love me a lot and wants to be with me but I was completely stunned that he would do that while we were together. It rly hurt a lot, but apparently he didn't think it was cheating but I feel it was. When I asked him what went down and why he did it with someone else when he was with me he just said they hadn't done that stuff in a while or hung out together and they both just happened to be in a mood to do stuff. He did say that it wasn't the same as it used to be with this guy when they were younger. They both have girlfriends now and the guy that my boyfriend was with sexually now has a kid, and did have a girlfriend the last time they had sex. They're still good friends and he did say that its not very likely it will happen again but i feel really betrayed despite what he said about it not being the same as it used to be. I guess my question is, how can I tell him that I am so angry about this when I acted completely cool when he told me? And I want him to come to me about that kind of stuff but I want to know why he feels the need to cheat on me with someone else, or is it even considered cheating? I just have so many questions that I don't know how to formulate so that I don't screw things up bcuz I do really love him and I know without a doubt that he loves me. Should I just let it go? I'm just afraid he will do it with this guy again, andd I'm definitely not okay with that. He just thinks its fun. I tried to look up straight males having intercourse with other males while in relationships, and apparently its quite popular, but I really didn't get any questions answered. Why do men do that? Ive never heard of this until now, I guess I've been not paying attention or something. Its just too much for me to handle now and I'm stressing out. I know you all are reliable and know what you guys are talking about so I thought I'd ask before I go crazy. I'd appreciate any advice, input, or answers you'd like to contribute. Thanks for listening.

[ 03-12-2011, 03:20 AM: Message edited by: HubbaBee09 ]

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Pumpkin_Pie
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Hi Hubba,

I'm so sorry that you feel so sad and confused right now and I totally understand why you are. I'm hearing you feel really betrayed right now, you trusted your boyfriend and as far as you're concerned (and many other people would agree with you) he's broken that trust.

First of all, you need to express your anger about this, and you need to decide if this is a dealbreaker for you, ie can you move on from this incident, set boundaries around what is acceptable behaviour for both of you and forgive him etc or is it something you cannot move past.

You also need to decide if you can trust him again and if you are ok with him remaining friends with this guy - but you have to set down what is acceptable to you, and from what I can see, him messing around with this friend is not ok. Your boyfriend has to know this too, and he has to know that you are angry about what happened.

You don't have to shout, or have a massive argument to let him to know this. You can write it down even.

You asked if it's considered cheating, well I think that couples need to decide what is cheating - I get the feeling you view it as cheating though yeah?

So I suppose what i'm saying is that it's very important you talk to your boyfriend again about how you're feeling and where you want to go from there. I'd also ask him if he used protection with this guy - he's endangering your sexual health if he didn't use protection when sleeping with someone else.

Was that any help? Come back here and have a chat if you want to talk anymore [Smile]

Rebecca

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HubbaBee09
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Thanks for your reply. I just told him how I felt about it and obviously it didn't go well. He said he doesn't understand at all why it would hurt me that he did that WHEN WE WERE TOGETHER. I know, right!
I feel like I completely understood him bcuz I listened to his experiences with this guy and I wasn't freaking out then. I didn't even get upset when I talked to him a second ago. But somehow he thought he could trust me with that, but now he can't trust me cuz I don't approve of the situation? I know I shouldn't have let it go so far without telling him how I felt, but it was such a different situation that I've never been in before and my brain has to process how I felt. But now I feel wrong, and guilty because he said that he was hurt that he told me such an important thing to him and the least I could do is just move on and not feel like he cheated on me. I know how I feel, but he isn't considering how I feel.
I've just really messed things up by waiting to tell him about it. He wants me to forget, but I can't.
What do I do now? I feel like if I push this, he's never going to tell me anything ever again.
I am freaked out about STDs, he told me that all they do is just oral on each other, what can you transfer from that? I know what goes on orally and that you can get herpes and stuff but is that it? I've never been with anyone else, I feel as if he's putting me in danger cuz he feels this guy is fun. I've never met this other guy, I know he's probably not the only person he was with. But I can't even ask him that now, or at least I don't feel like I can. I just can't believe this mess. But its good to talk to someone about it, I really appreciate you taking your time to help me out with my crazy love life! I rly look forward to what you have to say. [Smile]

[ 03-12-2011, 09:48 AM: Message edited by: HubbaBee09 ]

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Heather
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Hubba: I'm out for the day but wanted to make sure you got another response.

As I understand it, you and your boyfriend had an agreement to be sexually exclusive: is that right?

If so, then what gender of person he was sexual with outside the relationship is irrelevant. He broke your agreement, was dishonest about it for a long time, including putting you at health risks you didn't know you were taking because he was dishonest about being sexual outside the relationship.

On top of that, I find the way he's responding to you being validly upset about that to be manipulative. Being upset about a serius agreement being broken and about a partner being dishonest for a long time AND putting your health at risk without telling you is totally valid. he'd likely be just as upset were the shoe on the other foot.

In my book, this isn't about the fact that his other sexual partner was male: it's about his dishonesty and about his breaking agreements and what clearly is also his refusing to take responsibility for that and turning it around on you, which isn't fair or sound. He may well have confusing, scary feelings about how he feels about this guy or men or his orientation, but that still doesn't mean it's on you to process those with him while ditching what he did here, and his asking for that is crappy and dismissive of you.

Now, if you want to talk a bit (I'll be back tomorrow) about men being on the downlow -- which is what this is -- we can, but I'm not sure, again, how relevant that is, because if the gender of his partner were different, you'd probably feel the same way you are right now, right?

I don't think it's fair to ask you to "forget" he did all of these things, and again, I don't imagine he would in your position. I also don't think it's sound you do: someone being dishonest about having sex outside a relationship you are told is exclusive is a big deal, a big deal emotionally, a big deal per your health and well-being.

personally, I'd suggest you reconsider staying in this relationship, not because of whatever his orientation is, but because he's been showing you that he's dishonest, that he'll do things without any regard for you, and that he also won't take any responsibility when he does those things. Those are not things that are going to support a healthy, happy partnership. They're also strong signals someone isn't really ready or able to really be someone's partner.

In terms of your health, if you are not current with your STI testing, you do want to get current now, asking for a full panel. oral sex presents the same risks of most STIs as intercourse, and to boot, given that he's clearly not an honest guy, I think you have to figure that he may well have had kinds of sex or other partners he hasn't disclosed to you, so you want to cover all your bases. And if you do not leave this relationship and keep having sex with this person, you absolutely want to be using safer sex, so condoms for oral sex and for any kind of intercourse, okay?

Just so you know, I don't see any reason for you to feel guilty here or wrong. I don't see anywhere where you have done anything like shaming him about whatever his orientation may be or about who he has had sex with or being mean. I see you being validly upset about broken agreements and dishonesty.

I know this has all got to be very hard, especially since in the past you have talked about feeling very dependent on this guy. But you've also expressed that he often says insensitive things to you and gets impatient with you, so it sounds like things haven't been so awesome before this. As hard as it may be, I think you have to face and accept that you're with someone who has shown you clearly that he's not someone you can trust, and probably not someone sound for you to stay with, especially if he continues to refuse to accept responsibility with all of this.

[ 03-12-2011, 10:59 AM: Message edited by: Heather ]

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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HubbaBee09
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Thanks a lot for taking the extra time to respond Heather. I do appreciate the great advice.
I asked him about us specifically making an agreement to be exclusive, and to be honest we didn't say that we were going to. I just assumed by the way he treated me and the way our relationship was at that time that we were. This is my first real relationship, honestly I assumed he felt the same way, and that you dont have to talk about it.
I did get another chance to talk with him, and for some reason he really feels he didn't do anything wrong, and that it wasn't even significant to ruin such a strong relationship. He says that he is trying to see where I'm coming from, but he wants me to understand how he is feeling too.
He told me that a long time ago when he was in 3rd grade, one of his older friends (a male friend) convinced him to have a sexual relationship that went on for a very long time. He told me because of that, he has been struggling with coping with that thing that happened to him. The friend he recently has been with, he said that that kid was sexually molested when he was a kid by his father, and they both had feeling they didnt know how else to relieve those feelings. He said it was good back then but now he is older and with me, and the reason why he did it the last time was because they hadnt done it in a long time and it just happened. He said the last time it happened with the friend that it wasn't satisfying and he was starting to realize that was like some kind of coping mechanism that wasn't working now he has me. He said its like chasing a high. Since I last posted about him being mean and impatient with me, hes been opening up about his childhood and how much it has affected him today with our relationship. I know because of that, hes antisocial but has been better with me. I haven't asked him yet (but I will) if he's been with anyone else but he said that he wouldn't even know how to approach anyone to satisfy that hurt he endured when he was younger and his older friend took advantage of him.
I do know how being frustrated because of such an early exposure to sex as well, it happened to me the same way, i was just I was much younger, it went on much longer, and it was someone in my family (also female) so I know what it's like for sure.
I know without a doubt that I'm going to stay with him. He did apologize for getting mad and not understanding me the first time, but he says that he is willing to take time and understand that doing that in the relationship we had, that's not right. I just can't leave him now that he explained what happened to him, especially since the exact same thing happened to me and it still affects me today. Who am I to judge and ruin him by leaving him when I know I can help him through it? Does that make sense, or does it sound like I'm blinded? Maybe I am, but im thinking too...I think.
When it comes to STDs, I'm going to make him get tested if he wants to ever be with me like that again. I told him I was worried about the risk hes making me take, and he did seem to get that. All is not lost!! Lol. I'm getting a full one too which will relieve my mind too.
We did talk about our future together and he feels like meaningless sex with other guys doesn't solve the pain of his past, and when I told him about what I read about men being married and having sex with men on the side, he was suprised and he said that he would never do that.
I don't know where I am with him or what I should do, I know what I feel I want to do. I know he loves me and he would be lost without me because I was trying to leave him and he was begging me not to and was crying. I know he loves me. But how do we get past our past? It makes me angry that we are messed up because some stupid people in our past.
I'm just wondering, given the situation, is me wanting to stay with him is okay if he told me he's willing to work through it? I don't know, I feel unresolved now, and it does affect my trust in him, and I have a sad feeling in my stomach about what he did. I dont know if I can get over that. But I feel bad, he's had a crazy life kind of and I can completely get that, I have had some crazy things affect me too.
Sorry this is so long, I appreciate your time. Thank you so much for helping me sort this out.

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Heather
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It's okay that it's long, and also understandable. This is clearly a much more complex issue than it seemed at first, and is also about far more than just his having sex outside the relationship.

So, right from the start, let me say this: we may be talking for a while, because there really is a lot here. I also think that if it's at all possible, while this is something I rarely advise for younger couples, if you two are going to stay together, I think you could really use the help of either a couples counselor, or a counselor for each of you. At the very least, your boyfriend could make his own account here and talk about this himself with myself or one of the volunteers: he could even do that without letting you or me know who he is, if he feels more comfortable that way.

So, what I'm seeing that we're dealing with here so far is:
• a lack of communication and clear agreements within your relationship, about exclusivity, but potentially about other things
• his going outside your relationship to have sex with someone else
• his dishonesty about that and his putting you at risks without telling you
• his childhood sexual abuse, and what is likely also shame and fear about his orientation and any attraction to men (a lot of male childhood sexual abuse survivors, when they feel attraction to men, think it must be about the impact of the abuse, even though we know it's likely not, as most gay or bisexual men were not sexually abused in childhood, and many male sexual abuse survivors don't feel attraction to men)
• your childhood sexual abuse, and being in a relationship when both people are survivors, an even bigger/more challenging issue if one or both have never had any counseling/help with healing

Perhaps additionally, anything else that's problematic in the relationship, like the things you mentioned in a past post: your feelings of dependency, and his being insensitive to you. And obviously, you two deciding, and you deciding by yourself, if staying in this relationship is your best choice or not.

There's a LOT to talk about in all of that, but I'm down with doing that with you. Can you first, though, check in with me with that list I just made there and give me a sense of if that summary feels right to you and let me know if there's anything else you feel we should add to it?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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HubbaBee09
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Thanks a lot for your reply Heather.
That list really sums up what's going on. With my past post about him being insensitive, that we did discuss just recently in February and he said its because he doesn't know how to be any different. He said his parents were like that with him and made him feel stupid and he's really never had a girlfriend for this long before. We were going to work on it, but for one I didn't know how to tell him so he could understand, but also we've been busy with school and we don't get to see each other a lot. But that's right what you wrote there.
About the abuse and stuff I feel a little surprised that his potential attraction to other guys isn't because of that. He told me that he didn't touch this guy or kiss him or anything that might be considered intimate and that he knows he likes girls and doesn't want to pursue a relationship with a male. So your summary of that is right there too.
Lack of communication, the counseling, dishonesty...that's all correct. We tried counseling a long time ago for other reasons but obviously we didn't get where we needed to be if none of us brought that up. All we could afford was a non profit organization in our town and I feel like if I would've brought up sexual abuse, she would've like dropped her jaw in surprise or something! I didn't really mesh with her when we went in individually for a time either. If my boyfriend says that he's trying to look at it positively, like saying that he enjoyed it even though he was in like 3rd grade and this other guy was much older, does that distort the healing process from the abuse? Cuz he says he knew it was wrong but he said that it felt good. Do you think it makes sense that he and his other friend started messing around because they had urges earlier than normal kids? Other than those questions, you are correct there.
I still feel dependent on him, but lately I've been feeling that he's been clingy more to me. Especially yesterday, we hung out a little bit and he kept being all close to me and hugging on me and telling me he loved me. I don't know what that was about, but since the new year he's been like that very often.
I don't want to end things, but if its unhealthy for either one of us, I would have to. I care for him more than anything.
But again, you're correct about everything. I'm willing to discuss this with you, I'd love it really. Its nice to talk to someone that won't judge you. I will give him this website and encourage him to talk to someone on here right now. Thanks again.

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Heather
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This is a lot of questions, so let's try and break it all up a little okay? I think tackling this issues one at a time will probably work best.

Which of them above do you want me to start with?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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HubbaBee09
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That makes sense. Mainly I am concerned with his sexuality. He's never expressed any feelings towards other men that I've noticed until now and I do believe him when he says that he is attracted to women. Why do you think he would do that with someone else? He said he just gets some feelings at times and he just wants to be free to act on them. I just want to understand why he did it that last time. Also, with him getting older and maturing and wanting to get over his past, does him saying that he enjoyed the intercourse when he was younger in third grade, hinder his progress of coping? I think right now I'd like to focus on that. Thanks for your reply.
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Heather
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Okay. So, this is going to be long, but I want to clue you into these issues as best I can. There are some that overlap here, so it can be pretty confusing.

The first thing to know, I think, is to remember that we still live in a VERY homophobic culture, especially when it comes to men. Even men without any history of sexual abuse often feel a lot of fear and shame around being attracted to men, which is not surprising, because the world we live in, on the whole, enables both of those things. I don't know what your community is like when it comes to homophobia, or how your boyfriend was raised around that, but it's very possible that he's been feeling very afraid and very confused, which by no means excuses his being dishonest with you, but it might be some of why he was.

For male childhood sexual abuse survivors, whose abusers were usually male, that shame and fear is often compounded even more. Now, I'm not sure your boyfriend was a sexual abuse survivor: I'm a little confused by what you said about the sexual relationship he had when he was younger: am I hearing right that that partner OF his was a sexual abuse survivor, but your boyfriends sexual relationship with this person was/has been by choice and something he said he enjoyed? Knowing the answer to that makes a big difference in how I'd talk about some of this: if he was not sexually abused, there's nothing for him to cope with around that.

You need to both also remember that people who are attracted to women can also be attracted to people of other genders: the world is not divided into only people who are straight and only people who are gay. Why would your boyfriend be sexual with someone? For the same reason you'd be sexual with him or he'd be sexual with you. because he feels sexual desires and wants to express them.

Now, your boyfriend gets to identify his orientation however he wants and feels most comfortable with, but what I am hearing here is that he's saying he is usually attracted to women, but is sometimes attracted to men, and I'm also hearing him saying that he has desires to be sexual with men sometimes, has enjoyed the sex he has had with men, and would like to be able to do that on occasion. I understand he's never expressed these things to you before, but it sounds like he is expressing them now. Does that sound about right?

[ 03-13-2011, 12:57 PM: Message edited by: Heather ]

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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HubbaBee09
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When he was in third grade there was an older friend of his that convinced him to have a sexual relationship with him. He said he didn't know any better and that was his first experience with another guy. From what I understand is that he didn't really want to perform sexual acts with this first guy, but he did anyway for whatever reason. He also said that it was very stressful hiding it from his parents, who he had a feeling knew but didn't really get what was going on. What I meant to say was that he is trying to look back on that experience positively overall. He didn't go into detail but he did express that it wasn't such a good experience, again he said he was stressed out and he feels that it blocked out his parents from his life because he felt they knew but did nothing about it. He also said he hated his dad because he was a guy for a very long time after that and was not happy with that situation. but for whatever reason he feels that he needs to look back on it as positive, he feels that I guess he enjoyed the feeling of being touched and stuff like that, and that's why he wants to say it wasn't that bad.

The person that he was with when he was with me was sexually abused by his father. (I don't know about the first guy that my boyfriend was molested by if that happened to him.) But he said they felt urges and that he just assumed it was from his first experience with that original guy I mentioned earlier that molested him. He felt too young to be with girls and his friend was in the same position. They are the same age, and grew up together so they ended up messing around. I think that's a little more clearer than what I said the first time around?

You're correct when you say that he feels that he should be able to express that when the occasion arises. He also feels doubtful that it will happen again, but he doesn't want to have to change who he is or block those feelings out because I don't necessarily want an open relationship. I have made that clear to him that I don't, but I feel that if he needs that I MIGHT might might might reconsider. If that makes sense.

I do understand now better that it isn't one way or the other when it comes to orientation, however I only understand a little bit why he would try to hide that, especially from me. This is the first time he's said anything to me, which I feel kind of bad that I've made a big deal about the situation. It isn't really the fact that it was a guy, it was just that I did feel betrayed about it. Like you said earlier, it wouldn'tve made difference if it was a woman.

He does have some people that identify themselves as gay in his family. That's just what I've seen, that his family accepts those people, but I do understand our homophobic society and how that might be a very big reason. If he's afraid and confused about it, how do I encourage him to talk to at least me about it? I'm not going to judge him, I just need to know what's going on in his head. I didn't mean to make it seem to him like I think its bad he feels sexual feelings towards men, it again was just the situation and how it happened. I'm sure he realizes that, we haven't really discussed the fact that this guy is of the same sex a lot, other than the story he told me about being young that I mentioned earlier in the post.

Thank you.

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Heather
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So, this was not another person around his same age and/or he feels he acted out of fear or pressure, rather than choice? If so, in either case, then we are likely talking about sexual abuse.

You can clarify that for me, but one thing I want to be sure to mention is that when we are abused or assaulted, that doesn't always mean things can't still physically feel good or result in sexual responses like orgasm. That's obviously incredibly confusing for survivors, and it's less common than those actions being painful and not feeling good, but it does still happen sometimes, in part because our bodies just don't always act in conjunction with our hearts and minds.

Like I said before, having been sexually abused doesn't usually make us have attractions we would not have otherwise: that's very well studied and documented.

However, if he was abused and his friend was too, and they're attracted to each other, I imagine that's probably a pretty powerful relationship they have there, and may feel even more so if it's been something they've been doing in secrecy.

I can't tell you why he hid this from you, only he can. But I can guess that it was probably for a few reasons: one, because he knew he was going outside the relationship sexually and knew that would not be okay with you. I know you said you two didn't have a clear agreement, but my sense is he knew you expected him not to be with anyone else, and if he had through differently, why hide having another partner, right? That's the lack of responsibility piece I think you two need to talk about. I do not think you have any reason to feel bad about "making a big deal" out of that. A year and change of dishonesty about something that matters to your relationship and your health IS a big deal.

That said, if he feels shame or a lot of fear and confusion -- as it sounds like he does -- about being with men sexually, that probably played a big part here, too. I don't think that excuses his dishonesty, but again, I think that can perhaps explain some of it. However, if he feels that's some of what was going on, he does need to try to separate that from the fact that he was knowingly and intentionally dishonest with you and put you at risks without your consent or knowledge. In other words, you being kind and accepting about how he feels about men doesn't mean you have to say that the way he did what he did was no big deal, because it was, and he'd likely feel the same way if you'd have done what he did. Know what I mean?

In terms of talking to you about, if he has never had any kind of counseling around his abuse, I actually think he should start getting that first before you two dig too deep. I think he'll feel a lot more comfortable talking to you about it after doing some of that with someone really qualified to help him through all of this, qualifications you probably don't yourself have 9and even if you did, you'd still be referring him out to someone he wasn't in a romantic and sexual relationship with, because that's ethically problematic).

We can keep talking and talk more about the other questions you asked, too (just let me know where you want to go next), but do you think he'd be open to looking into some counseling and support? I'd be happy to help you both look for someone local for him who is qualified with counseling around male childhood sexual abuse and also educated about sexual orientation.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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HubbaBee09
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I'm going to talk to him and see what he says. I told him about the website, but he said he wasn't ready and didn't know what to say, but he said he will look at the website and see if there are any articles that address his situation. Do you know of any? I know if I can get him on here, he would at least give this forum a try.

About the other stuff, I think I would like to talk about it, but I'd like to get this relationship issue resolved first by talking everything out with him. Can I come back into this thread and ask you questions about anything we've discussed in a few days or so? Or would it be better to start another one? I would like to address at least some of the stuff you outlined earlier.

Thank you so much Heather. You have no idea how much you've helped. [Smile]

[ 03-13-2011, 05:06 PM: Message edited by: HubbaBee09 ]

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Heather
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I can give you some links for him to look at that I think might be of help, both on our site and on other sites. I assume he's mostly asking around sexual abuse and also orientation but it seems like it might be good to include a couple pieces on communication and creating relationship models.

So here you go:
• Blinders Off:Getting a Good Look at Abuse and Assault
• The Bees and...the Bees: A Homosexuality and Bisexuality Primer
• Q is for Questioning
• http://www.scarleteen.com/blog/heather_corinna/2010/05/19/queering_sexuality_in_color_maalik
• http://www.scarleteen.com/blog/heather_corinna/2009/07/16/the_cutting_room_floor_masculinity_gender_and_orientation
• http://www.malesurvivor.org/myths.html
• http://psychology.ucdavis.edu/rainbow/html/facts_molestation.html
• Be a Blabbermouth! The Whats, Whys and Hows of Talking About Sex With a Partner
• Supermodel: Creating & Nurturing Your Own Best Relationship Models

I'm also tossing in a new link for you that I think might help you out right now as far as starting to think about if continuing with this relationship as it is or moving on or changing it: http://www.scarleteen.com/article/crisis/should_i_stay_or_should_i_go

I think this one might help you out, too: http://www.scarleteen.com/article/advice/should_i_be_concerned_about_his_sexuality

You can come back to this thread any time to talk more, absolutely. This is really big stuff, so it probably feels a lot less overwhelming to talk about it in smaller chunks, anyway. Glad I could be of help, and hope you can hang in there.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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HubbaBee09
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Hi Heather,
Thanks for those articles. They really helped! My boyfriend set up an account and he wanted to know if it was possible if I gave you his display name or something that he can talk to you since you would know a little about him and what happened when he was younger. He wanted to talk to you specifically if possible since its kind of hard for him to talk about what happened and how much it really affects him.

Is there a way he can do that and talk to you or would you prefer him just post and speak to a volunteer?

About me, I do plan on coming back and discussing what happened a little bit, but I want to focus on him a little more than me because it seems like he's struggling a LOT now that its out in the open. Its like he's not able to fully function, but it would be better for him to explain, since they are his personal struggles and not mine.

Anyway, if you can let me know what to tell him, that would be good. I'm glad he's willing to start dealing with it, this will be a good start.

Thank you for all you do,

HubbaBee

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Heather
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Absolutely. I'll be here most of the day today, but as you probably know, I'm around most days, usually from very early morning through the early evening (PST). It's always okay for users to ask to talk to me or any specific staff member of volunteer if they feel there's someone in particular they'd feel most comfortable talking with. [Smile]

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 67131 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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