posted
This is a little embarrassing, but I am pretty desperate for answers, so i'll give it a go. I am a 17-year-old girl, currently dating a fantastic boy. i really enjoy being with him, but the problem is I can't get aroused! He's the first person i've ever really 'been' with, so i have no prior experience. When he performs oral sex or anything like that on me (and he clearly knows what he's doing, haha) i don't really feel much. we've never actually had sex. sometimes, if there is enough 'momentum' so to speak, i do feel a sort of building sensation but it's not what i'd define as pleasurable and it drops off quite quickly - sort of like I have to pee? (hence the embarrassing). this sort of sensation also occurs when i try to masturbate vigorously; again, too little and i feel nothing at all. so there's my dilemma. any help would be greatly appreciated!
Posts: 6 | From: Canada | Registered: Jan 2011
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posted
whew, that's a relief. thanks so much; this site really rocks. um, not really lately and not too often, but yeah, sometimes arousal does happen other times. steamy movie scenes, that sort of thing, haha. i'd definitely consider that, but i'm seventeen! isn't my body supposed to be hormone central at this point? to be honest, it sounds silly but i'm worried i'm 'broken' or something.
Posts: 6 | From: Canada | Registered: Jan 2011
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posted
The idea that arousal and desire is mostly about hormones is problematic, because, on the whole, it's really not. That's one piece, sure, but only one of many. If it helps to understand it in a different way, in old age, when people's sexual hormones have radically changed and diminished, plenty of folks still have strong sexual desires.
All of our pace with this is radically individual, and really isn't about age. With women in particular, it can take a while for many to identify what brings about feelings of desire, what they desire, and what is and feels earnestly sexy and sexual, uniquely. That can be particularly hard if you're getting a lot of messages about what SHOULD turn you on or when you should feel sexual, since so many of those messages aren't realistic for so many people.
So, this guy is fantastic: but does even just being around him make your knees turn to jelly? Do you feel strong desires to be sexual with him?
-------------------- Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen About Me • Get our book! Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead Posts: 63417 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000
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posted
The thing is, that tells you a lot. Sexual desire, when we feel it, and want to expect that sexual activities are going to feel profound, needs to be strong. Not just kind of hanging around somewhere filing its nails.
If and when our desire is lukewarm, the most we can usually expect of our responses is that they, too, will be lukewarm.
-------------------- Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen About Me • Get our book! Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead Posts: 63417 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000
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posted
haha! well, that does kind of explain a lot. so you think when that desire warms up things will get better?
Posts: 6 | From: Canada | Registered: Jan 2011
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But in the meantime, how about not having any kind of sex (including masturbation) unless you are really feeling that desire strongly?
-------------------- Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen About Me • Get our book! Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead Posts: 63417 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000
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