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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » EXPERT ADVICE » Ask Scarleteen » Is this a form of rape?

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Author Topic: Is this a form of rape?
Love to love
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Member # 45991

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Alright, so I met a guy -lets call him jake- at his work when I went in (not going to say where because its a business and I don't want it to look badly upon because of him) well I ended up sitting there talkin to jake and his other coworker for a long time, the one coworker gave me his number and Jake added me on FB. Well eventually I hung out with Jake and he was really respecful and nice until he started drinking and smoked weed. Which I'm not a fan of, but I don't judge those who do. Well anyways he started to cuddle with me and then later he kissed me (he kinda tried to do stuff, but not really). He didn't push anything at all, so two days later, thinking he was a just regular guy I hung out with him. Well when I got there he was already drunk and smoked spice, or something which I guess is some legal thing in AZ that you can smoke that gets you high or something, not sure. Anyways he went from really chill to major creeper. He kept trying to touch my boobs, rub me in places I didn't want him too, and I kept trying to get him to stop, I would hold his hand just so he wouldnt go for it. Eventually I had to use muscle to stop him from touching me. I was so afraid of what could happen next I decided to use the bathroom.. I obviously couldn't fake a text or call, because I'm sure he would have known it was fake to get out of there.. So when I came back he went right back to being creeper... he was at one point laying on my shoulder and all of a sudden pulled down my shirt and bra a little so he could see my chest.. Thats when I was like okay I really need to get out of here. I didn't know what to do I was so afraid but after a few minutes passed I faked a yawn and said I was tired and had to go. He walked me out (luckily not to my car) hugged me and he said he'd hit me up later. I was so creeped out and freaked out.. now I feel disgusting that I let it get that far.. my friend told me its rape or at least really close to it..

I know I might be being overdramatic with this because it's not as big of a deal as actual rape.. but I gave no consent for that..

Posts: 115 | From: USA | Registered: Feb 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
OWL Dan
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First of all I want to say that I’m sorry to hear that you had to experience that and I am happy to hear that you were able to get away safely.
I, too, would call it Rape/Sexual Assault; I don’t see a difference between the two labels and neither does the law (rape is "a sexual act committed against a woman's will,"). Even if he did not penetrate you, I would definitely call everything you described that he did as a “sexual act”. As far as “now I feel disgusting that I let it get that far”, it sounds to me like you did what you felt was the safest thing to do in order to prevent him from getting angry and possibly have things escalate to violence. Do you have someone you trust and can talk things over with to help you work out your feelings, if needed?

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Dan

Posts: 842 | From: Ohio | Registered: Sep 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Love to love
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Not really. I don't have any closeness with anyone that I could really talk to I don't think. I don't know how to tell my best friend.. I don't want to concern her with this.. I've told a couple of people, but all of them are people from the internet (I roleplay on a harry potter form - I've made good friends there over the past 3 years) and as much I love them and talking to them has helped, they don't understand the extent of my feelings and I don't want to go into details about the situation..
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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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Have you called that RAINN hotline? That's someone you can talk to on the phone, and they can also connect you to local, in-person services for support.

That hotline is 1-800-656-HOPE.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Love to love
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No I havent reached them. Thank you.
Posts: 115 | From: USA | Registered: Feb 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Onionpie
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 41699

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Hi kassidurr, although we appreciate hearing our users' input, we'd ask that you pay attention to how and what you say. Nothing is "just" sexual harassment, and this was certainly more than that -- it was assault, and the law would recognize it as such. Similarly, "you should have been more assertive" is a problematic thing to say because it shifts the blame to the victim, and not only is that just not a nice or supportive thing for the victims of assault to hear, it's also against our guidelines. I know this probably totally wasn't what you were meaning to say by any of this, but please do keep in mind how your words might come across to others. Thanks [Smile]

Also, this is a staff and volunteer only section. See you around the rest of the boards [Smile]

[ 11-02-2010, 09:37 PM: Message edited by: Onionpie ]

Posts: 1311 | From: Ontario, Canada | Registered: Dec 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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