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EliotDorian
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Member # 37752

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I don't remember the last time I was aroused. I have spent over a year in celibacy (except for one time I kissed an older man who had a girlfriend, and everything about that relationship is inappropriate). And normally I'd just masturbate, but I haven't been up for that either, lately. My self-esteem has taken a nosedive since I got my master's degree - I'm 23 and still financially dependent on my parents and celibate. I am in no position to move out until I find a job, and I'm sick of the metropolitan area where I live. I live out in the suburbs instead of the city center, or even the inner suburbs. I depend on a car, and now I only have that a little less than half the time (I do not want to suggest to my folks to buy a new car, it would go against everything I stand for.). I am busy with some paid tutoring and an unpaid internship, which gets me out, but it's still not a real job. I see all around me people that are younger than I am who are moving out or moving in with boyfriends or girlfriends or getting married. And heck, people half my age pose questions here about sex. I'm not saying I envy them, but it really drives home this idea that EVERYBODY'S HAVING SEX EXCEPT FOR ME. And I can't even masturbate. It's frustrating, and coupled with my pseudo-unemployment and lack of money and lack of independence, I hate it. I keep fearing that every job I apply for will turn me down, that every man I'm attracted to will ignore me, that I'll never get to have anything nice or do anything I'd hoped to accomplish. I just don't know what to do. I'm stressed and bored and not liking much about myself.

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"What's the point of wearing your favorite rocketship underpants if no one asks to see 'em?"

Posts: 87 | From: Virginia | Registered: Mar 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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Eliot: I'm afraid I have less time than I'd like today, so we'll have to talk more in depth over the next few days. Other volunteers can certainly also chime in, and/or we can move this to an area of the board where other users -- some of whom may be in the same kind of spot you are now -- could talk with you.

But I at least wanted to get started.

It's absolutely typical for sexual desire to take a nosedive if we're depressed and/or unhappy with our lives. Clearly, you're really bummed out, and very much not in a place you want to be in all around, so it doesn't surprise me that you're feeling this way.

I'd disagree that everyone is having sex but you, and think it's important to bear in mind that our boards here tend to be used most by people who are sexually active and have questions about it. Presuming that to be representative of the general population isn't, I'd say, a sound presumption.

One bonus of you not having a job right now is that that gives you time to take care of yourself well in this. Have you looked into any counseling resources?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68237 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
EliotDorian
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I considered counseling, but that takes money and time, which I'm short on, and I'd need my parents to help me out with that. Would health insurance cover it? And then, later, what if a health insurance company decides that my needing a counselor counts as a pre-existing condition and they make me pay a higher premium for health insurance later? I can't stomach the thought of the little money I earn going towards, of all things, counseling, which could end up biting me in the *** if - when - I get a job and I get my own health insurance. And then I can't even be sure that the counselor I get will be sensitive to privilege and oppression. What if they believe in Mars and Venus tripe?

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"What's the point of wearing your favorite rocketship underpants if no one asks to see 'em?"

Posts: 87 | From: Virginia | Registered: Mar 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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Health insurance often covers counseling, absolutely. If it doesn't, we'd be happy to help you look for free or low-cost counseling resources in your area, as some do have them.

To my understanding, using a counselor does not raise premiums. But that's certainly something you can ask your insurance agent about first.

You get to choose who you want to have as your counselor. You get to screen them, lay out who you are, and then ask them to do the same, including their approach to therapy. You don't have to choose someone who reads John Grey all day (and I think finding a therapist who does would actually be fairly difficult).

This piece might help you out: Sound Counsel: About In-Person Counseling & Therapy.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68237 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
EliotDorian
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I'd love to find free and low-cost counseling services in my area. I do live in the suburbs of a major metropolitan area, after all. Would Scarleteen be able to find one that's appropriate for someone who's out of school (I have no desire to go back to school, not after spending 21 years straight there, and if I ever did, it would be way in the future)? Thank you, I appreciate it a lot.

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"What's the point of wearing your favorite rocketship underpants if no one asks to see 'em?"

Posts: 87 | From: Virginia | Registered: Mar 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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We can certainly take a look. Toss me your zip code?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68237 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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