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Author Topic: major relationship crisis!
hellohellogia
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Member # 46495

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I'd like to get some expert opinions on the following, please! My boyfriend of 2 1/2 years and I pretty much share a computer...so yesterday I guess he left his email account logged in and when I opened the laptop the first thing that screamed at me was an email (in his spam folder) from a dating site. I didn't think anything of it, because it was spam, but I noticed there were lots of them, from different sites. Some he had actually read. I know I shouldn't have looked, and I swear I'm not a nosy person, but I felt that if my boyfriend had something like that on his email account I had some right for curiosity. When I closed that window, there was one message that he left opened, titled "the kind of life I want". I wasn't sure if he left it open accidentally, because it was a message he sent from his phone to his email account. So I read it, I know I should have closed it, but I read it. The email, for the most part was about how he feels like he's going downwards and he's about to go down a very bad road. He says he feels like he could never keep me happy or that he can't be himself around me. He then started mentioning things he wishes I did for him. Yes, it was heartbreaking because this entire time I thought our relationship was going great. Now my problem is, I need to talk to him about it, but how? I love him and I know he loves me. On one hand I'm so hurt and angry about those online dating emails, but on the other hand I feel like this is all my fault for not being more aware of what he needs. I also feel like, I always communicate everything with him, and he should have told me if he felt all things about me. Lastly, I feel like no matter what we try to do this relationship is pretty much over. We've tried and tried to make things, not perfect, but amazing, and I suppose it just isn't going to happen. I'm willing to meet him halfway and make the necessary changes, but I'm lost. I had to vent and I needed some outside opinions. Feel free to give me whatever opinions you have good or bad, im prepared for whatever. Thank you!

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Gia

Posts: 33 | From: los angeles, ca | Registered: Apr 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Brittanycookie
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Sine no one seemed to have answered you, I would like to say, as going through something VERY similar to this. I'd ask him just randomly, is there anything He'd like you to do differently, or to do at all. Then I'd bring up how when you were on the computer the message popped up and you read it. Not really knowing. He might tell you flat out and then he might not.
But about the dating website, I would just ask him about it. If hes got nothing to hide then their shouldn't be anything wrong, as my mother always said. lol

Posts: 78 | From: Louisiana | Registered: Jun 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
hellohellogia
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Thanks for replying [Smile]
Well I did talk to him and asked him if there's anything he'd like to talk about, just to "clear the air" and it turned out he did...obviously! We had a LONG talk, and although it's only been about a week things have been REMARKABLY different. Thanks again for taking your time to reply! [Smile]

Posts: 33 | From: los angeles, ca | Registered: Apr 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Brittanycookie
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No problem! [Smile] Ive been in something kinda close to what happened, all i had to do was work up the cu rig to ask!
Posts: 78 | From: Louisiana | Registered: Jun 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Stephanie_1
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 36725

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Brittany- this area is for staff and volunteer replies only. Please do not reply to threads other than your own in the Emergencies and Crises or Ask Scarleteen sections.

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"Sometimes the majority only means that all the fools are on the same side" ~Anon

Posts: 3429 | From: Pennsylvania | Registered: Jan 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Brittanycookie
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Well nobody answered her, she deserved to have an answer. And I didn't do any harm. And what I said had already been used. I don't see the harm. And it's not like it was a medical question. It's something anyone could have answered.
Posts: 78 | From: Louisiana | Registered: Jun 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
September
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 25425

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Brittany - this site has certain rules and regulations that we've put into place to make sure that we can run it as efficiently as possible. One of those rules is that we have an area that is for staff and volunteer replies only, and that's regardless of the nature of the question, or whether it's taken us a while to get to a given user. We have to ask you to please respect those rules.

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Johanna
Scarleteen Volunteer

"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

Posts: 9187 | From: Cologne, Germany | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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hellohellogia: Even though you asked for advice in the staff/volunteer-only section, and the user who answered here should not have per our guidelines, it sounds like this situation is resolved for now.

If it isn't, and you still want input from staff/volunteers, let us know. [Smile]

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68255 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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