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Author Topic: i hate ejaculate
*a_dream_in_aqua*
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i'm sorry i've posted like 20 times tonight! there is one more thing that is on my mind: i really don't like seminal fluid. i know that it's a normal part of sexual health and i'm fine with that but i dont like it on me, and i certainly don't ever want it in me. my boyfriend knows this and he takes it very personally. i tell him it's the same thing if it was blood, spit, snot, anything. and i'm not even a fan of my own! i know that it's healthy and it's part of life but i really just have a strong aversion to it. is this a bad thing? how can i get over it? i do use flavored condoms and i am really safe about all forms of sex we have...i just feel bad because he thinks i'm rejecting a major part of his identity---especially when we're in the moment!

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Knowlege IS Power.

Posts: 60 | From: MA | Registered: Oct 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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Honestly, if this is your strong preference, this is your strong preference.

"Getting over it" would be a bit like learning to eat something you really don't like. That is possible, but unless there is no other food around, it's usually not mandatory, and this isn't either.

You and your partner have some differences. Just like his fantasy life isn't in your sphere of preference or what you'd ideally like, this preference of yours isn't what he'd ideally like. So, you two each have things you need to just accept about the other and try not to take personally, since neither of them are about the other, but are about each of you.

Obviously, at some point, if any two people in a sexual relationship find that there are a lot of diverging preferences, or things one wants very strongly in a relationship but can't have, then it's smart to start thinking and talking about compatibility and assuring it's there. But if it's just a couple things, that doesn't usually mean people are incompatible. However, that's for you two to determine, and will depend on how you two feel about it.

I'd say the same thing to you I'd say to partners of women who just can't deal with periods. Ideally, our partners can accept all the parts of our bodies and how they work, but accepting them and being way into them aren't the same thing. If you're just not into this, he needs to accept that, and if he needs a partner who IS into that, then he needs to know that person just isn't you.

[ 05-17-2010, 08:32 AM: Message edited by: Heather ]

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68237 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
*a_dream_in_aqua*
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thankyou heather! i needed that reality check! by the way, i wanted to let you know that i've been suggesting your book to friends and everyone has said wonderful things about it. so keep up the good work!

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Knowlege IS Power.

Posts: 60 | From: MA | Registered: Oct 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
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Oh, yay! [Smile]

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68237 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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