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Author Topic: Help
wonderingwonderer
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Hello, Im a worry wart, Me and my girl were fooling around no sex, it was dry humping and we both had multiple layers of clothing(shorts, boxers, jean shorts, thong?) and I came but im pretty sure we stopped right before i went but, I have a couple of questions, Is it possible for sperm to travel through all those layers, 2nd about a week later she had her period which lasted longer then usual, is that longer period mean something or is it likely the effect of Depo-Provera (In first month)? I just hate being worried.
Thanks

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Alice
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It's highly unlikely that sperm could travel through that many layers of clothes. So that wasn't a viable risk. Starting her period is the clincher: Not pregnant.

Also see:
Dry Sex

[ 10-20-2008, 02:36 PM: Message edited by: Alice ]

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The beautiful thing about learning is nobody can take it away from you. - B.B. King

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wonderingwonderer
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so is the longer period likely caused by Depo-Provera, or is a longer period a bad thing
Thanks

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Alice
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Yes, hormonal birth control can definitely mess with your period, especially in the first few months.

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The beautiful thing about learning is nobody can take it away from you. - B.B. King

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wonderingwonderer
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So should I be worried at all, and was this even a risky situation?
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-Firefly-
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No, I wouldn't count this as a risky situation. Sperm isn't actually very strong, so it wouldn't be able to travel through that many layers of clothes.

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wonderingwonderer
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So I should rest easy? This was about a month ago, and she had her period about a week after that situation. So I should be done worrying?
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-Firefly-
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Yup. The situation didn't present a risk. On top of that, a woman can't have her period and be pregnant at the same time.

Here, why don't you take a look at this: Depo-Provera (The Shot)? It might help you understand more about the birth control method your partner is using. Too, if it would help you feel less worried, why not wear a condom every time you do a sexual activity? That way, you can rest assured that the risk is as low as it can possibly be.

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wonderingwonderer
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Thanks for your help! this is a great resource for everyone! I have been worried for about a month even after her period...
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wonderingwonderer
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Hello, for some weird reason I am still worried which makes me feel i should hold off on these activities for a while, but last question, when she got her period it started off slow and got heavier and it lasted longer then normal, is that still likely the effect of the Depo-provera, or should I be worried?
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Alice
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I agree, it could be a good idea to hold off on sexual activities for awhile since you are so worried about this. You didn't have a viable risk in the first place, plus she's on birth control plus she's had a period since the risk.

One of the side effects of Depo is unpredictable periods. If she has concerns about her bleeding then she should see her healthcare provider.

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The beautiful thing about learning is nobody can take it away from you. - B.B. King

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wonderingwonderer
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Well, I am still kind of worried, like I said she had her period a week after that risk situation and she had her period for longer then usual (started slow and got heavier), now she seems to have had a very very light period with not much bleeding, should I now be worried or is the very light period likely Depo-Provera changing things...shes not worried at all about this and I believe she took a PT and it was negative, but for some reason im worried that maybe the test was wrong or she read it wrong... I feel so dumb that I am so worried and am definitely going to wait some time before some activities...
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wonderingwonderer
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my last reply may have been confusing, the light period i am talking about is the 2nd period, the first was the one that started slow and got heavier.
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Alice
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Ok, here's the deal: She's not pregnant. Here is why:
-You didn't have a viable pregnancy risk in the first place
-She's on the Depo shot, which is highly effective birth control
-She's had TWO periods since then.
-She's taken a pregnancy test and had it come out negative.

Is she worried about this too, at this point?

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-Lauren-
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Irregular bleeding is a side effect of Depo Provera, NOT pregnancy. Only in rare instances do women bleed while pregnant, and even that flow is nothing close to a period in length or volume. The vast majority of women who become pregnant will stop bleeding altogether; it's after all the first pregnancy symptom noticeable aside from a test.

So, please trust the test results, and this information.

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wonderingwonderer
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Well she didnt really have the second period, it was just some spotting I believe... but one period is enough to say that there is no risk, Im sorry I keep bringing this up, its been about a month of worrying...
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wonderingwonderer
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No she says shes not worried at all and I should not be either...
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Alice
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Ok, good. At this point all you need to do is know that she couldn't have gotten pregnant from this and flip through all of our articles about protected sex & What's the Risk so you can be aware of what is risky and what isn't.

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The beautiful thing about learning is nobody can take it away from you. - B.B. King

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wonderingwonderer
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Im just paranoid, like when she said that she took a PT and it was negative, I got more worried because I thought "What if she read it wrong...", When I get really worried I always think to myself that she already had a period which means no pregnancy risk..
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-Lauren-
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Give her some credit, eh? A 5-year-old could tell you whether there were two lines or one. Peeing on/dipping the stick is pretty much the hardest part, so if she can manage that, she can certainly distinguish 1 from 2. :)
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wonderingwonderer
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Im sorry if you took that the wrong way, i didnt mean it to be mean like that, im sorry
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-Lauren-
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No offense taken. I was just reminding you that they're really not that complicated, and are for use by laypeople, not rocket scientists. :)

So you can trust that she most definitely read it right.

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wonderingwonderer
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it shouldnt have ever come to a PT to begin with, it was a no risk situation and she had a period after..
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wonderingwonderer
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I wasn't worried that she could tell the difference, I was worried if she mixed them up maybe... not trying to offend you..
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-Lauren-
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That's kinda hard to do, too. Test instructions aren't much harder to follow than those you see on a sheet at school. But here's an easy trick; think positive and negative signs. You need two lines to make a + sign, and only one to make a -

In fact, some tests are even packaged with the lines arranged in such a way as to make a positive or negative sign. And if she had one of those.. yeah, error-proof! :)

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wonderingwonderer
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Thanks again for all of your support, Its been a long month and a half for me [Frown] , I just have a couple of questions left, first, Like I stated earlier, she just started Depo-Provera about three weeks before the situation took place, then she said she started her period the normal date she usually starts 30 days??, she said it started really slow with some spotting then the bleeding got heavier and lasted longer then usual, then around the usual date she was going to have another period, she just had very light bleeding or no period at all, Does Depo-Provera change the cycle or upset it to different days, and is it possible she is already stopping her periods? She then took a test and it came up negative, should she take another test to confirm that its negative? Or should i quit being a worry wart and stop stressing about this... [Frown]
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-Lauren-
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Depo Provera is as effective as surgical sterilization if she's getting her shots on time. There is NO reason to worry about pregnancy. We've told you multiple times in this thread that irregular bleeding/no bleeding/prolonged bleeding/any variation thereof is a side effect of Depo or any progestin-only method, as the link to the method information blysse linked you to stated as well.

If SHE is concerned about the bleeding patterns, she can call her healthcare provider and ask for advice. If it's only you doing the worrying, and all this reassurance and knowledge of the effectiveness of your method is not making you feel better, you should avoid any activities with pregnancy risks from now on, until pregnancy is not SUCH a big deal as to practically be a death sentence in your mind.

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wonderingwonderer
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Hello there, Its now been 2 months since the risk that was mentioned earlier, I just have one more concern, she recently has become sick for the past couple of days, would this be morning sickness??? I mean its possible that it could be just the flu or something like that, I really do not know why I am still worried about this [Frown]
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Alice
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No. She's had a negative pregnancy tests and she is on the depo shot, which is a highly effective birth control. Plus, what you described wasn't a viable pregnancy risk in the first place.

Most people get sick at some points in their lives. And it just happens to be cold and flu season, currently. Illness does not point to pregnancy.

You are obviously suffering from some pretty hardcore anxiety about this. Is there anyone in real life who you can talk to?

[ 11-14-2008, 01:28 PM: Message edited by: Alice ]

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wonderingwonderer
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I actually don't, I mean I don't worry about it to the point of like life and death, but my main problem is that I see different situations of what happened that night and ask my self what-if types of questions, like what if it did seep through the layers of clothes, and then when I worry I go out on the internet and do some research and see sites that say it can go through clothes with ease and see things like pregnancy symptoms that talk about morning sickness. Yes she has had a negative pregnancy test and she did have a period after the risk (well it really wasn't a risk), after that longer period, she hasnt had one since and its now two months past, of course that is likely caused by Depo-Provera, but I just need to stop looking around on the net...
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JamsessionVT
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I think that'd be a good idea: the internet, though a wonderful resource, is full of misinformation.

Obviously, from what we see here, this has been a huge ordeal to you, which is understandable when a baby isn't in the picture, but at some point you have to accept that this situation is just not plausible, in any way. We can't do much more than continue to tell you that.

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wonderingwonderer
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I think the main reason I am worried is because her being sick just happened to be at 8 weeks, normally around the time morning sickness happens, I just need to realize that there was no risk to begin with here and realize that it just couldn't happen... Thank you for all your help on here, I guess having her take a second test wouldnt hurt, well maybe I shouldn't because it won't help ease me.
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wonderingwonderer
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Hello again, I am starting to feel better about the situation, I believe she was sick for a couple of days, I don't think it could have possibly been morning sickness because it only lasted a couple of days and it is flu season, when she had her first period (which was longer than usual) thats when I should have known she wasn't preg. right? Should I be worried at all that the pregnancy test was not accurate?

Thanks

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-Jill
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I'm just going to quote something Alice said to you upthread:
Ok, here's the deal: She's not pregnant. Here is why:
-You didn't have a viable pregnancy risk in the first place
-She's on the Depo shot, which is highly effective birth control
-She's had TWO periods since then.
-She's taken a pregnancy test and had it come out negative.


At this point I'm far more concerned about the amount of anxiety you are experiencing than anything else. Are you getting any help for that? If not it might be something to look into. I also suggest you refrain from any sexual activity until you're capable of being realistic about your risk.

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smokey
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Have you spoken to your girlfriend about how worried you are about this wonderingwonderer? I'm just wondering if some open lines of communication with her might reassure you more than we can?
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