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Author Topic: Perfect Relationship?
whimitcom
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Member # 23195

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Hello I am 21 and my boyfriend (now x ) is 23. Me and him had a almost perfect relationship in which we really connected and loved each other for 2 1/2 years.

We rarely fought and even if we did we were mature enough to figure it out. The other day all of a sudden out of nowhere he tells me " I dont wanna be with you anymore, i love you , you are perfect but i just wanna be friends and see other girls."

I was just knocked out til this day talking to my freinds about it and i was upset at him and said some mean things to him and now its a whole mess. I am deeply deeply hurt. We discussed his confusion a lot of times but for now he is saying that he needs to figure things out. But in reality there isnt much to figure out cause our relationship and connection as ppl was just amazing and he was the one who first started saying he loves me. He if he needs to figure stuff out in his head then why does he wanna hurt me and push me away.

Some details on him: he had bisexual experiances, he had major issues with depression, a bit obsssed with porn, and says he doesnt love his mother, says he doesnt wanna get married and have kids but always talked about the future of us living together. Also said an interesting thing when were fighting that " well i wanna figure all this out now cause u know if we get married... its better for me to figure it out now" I just dont undersand this, this came from a person who says he never wants to get married.But i took him as he was when i first met him and i looked past some of his issues that other girls didnt like about him and i love him til this day no matter how much angry and hurt i feel.

Right now this past week we were just talking the phone and just basically arguments and discussions that dont lead much anywhere. I tell him do u know how much u lost? all that sorta stuff he says he knows and still loves me and just wants to be friends, that phrase just tares me apart after so much time of me caring for him and having a great relationship.

what do i do..? i ve talked to so many ppl ive gotten responses from "forgrt about him" to " stay friends with him" i dunno i just dont. I cannot be friends with a person who disrespected and hurt me like this for something i did not do. I dont wanna be second best when i was #1 to him, its like he is comparing me as a product i feel degraded. LAst few days he hasnt been answering me cause i was so mad i told him i wished he was dead. and i did i was very very upset. Also he broke up wiht me OVER the internet when i wanted to meet iwth him he said no. He never lied in the relationship was all caring just everything i wanted.

Some info about me: All my past realtionship whether they lasted 2 yrs or just a few months and just getting to know someone i was always the one dumped when i cared about the person a lot. Guy never chase me i am always the one looking for them. And i am very attractive. So i have been hurtin the past the same way but this time it was a serious mature guy and i thouht it was cool.


any thoughts?

Posts: 13 | From: USA | Registered: Apr 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Sometimes people just outgrow each other, especially when they're younger. Often, people change, and sometimes we don't see those gradual changes until they hit fever pitch. And maybe he wasn't feeling the amazing connection you were anymore, so he may well have things to figure out for himself.

None of this means the breakup -- especially like this, ouch -- of a 2.5 year relationship is easy.

What do you do? Whay do you want to do? Do you want to be his friend, even if that means that's all you'll be, and friendship isn't a way to get back together? Sounds like you don't, and I can see why not given how all of this played out. If you wanted to just let him go full-stop, I think that'd be absolutely valid.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 67120 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
whimitcom
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Member # 23195

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I asked him about the connection. It is still the same we never outgrew each other. He says his realtionship and opinion of me is the same and he feels great with me. Thats the whole catch. How can someone trash something so good. He siad the problem isnt in ME. He siad its in the realtionsip in himself. i dunno how to get that.

I dont wanna be his friend cause i am worth more.and i dont deserve any of this pain. why should i let him have the pleasure of my company how HE wants it and suffer for myself?

Posts: 13 | From: USA | Registered: Apr 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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I hate to say it, but "It's not you, it's me," is an old, old line that usually means "I don't know how to tell you what's really wrong or how I'm really feeling." And sounds like that very much was the case here: he pretty clearly took the easy way out all around to avoid communicating.

Like I said I think you'd be totally valid in just saying that no, you don't want to be his friend, because you'd expect a friend to have treated you better, and you don't see any benefits for you in being his friend at this point.

(Though I gotta say, if that's the case, I'm not sure what benefits you'd have/have had, in being his girlfriend then, either.)

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 67120 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
whimitcom
Neophyte
Member # 23195

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yea i know that too.. its just so tricky.
Posts: 13 | From: USA | Registered: Apr 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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