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Member # 10165

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this is sorta a long story, but i will try my best to make it short. Recently we had a family party at my cousin's house and my family and i were there (teens only) and my cousin got a bit drunk and went to sleep in a room upstairs. Well she woke up naked and someone was on top of her and it took her a sec to make everything click and when she realized what was happening she freaked out, and at first she couldn't see who it was, but then she realized it was another cousin's husband (i hope that sounds ok)and she told him to get off and he did and then told her to put her clothes on and left to some other part of the house. well my cousin told me what happened and made me promise not to tell anyone, she told her sister and her sister told her mom. they filed a police report and they're going to arrest him. ok here's my question (finally) what can i do to help my cousin get through all of this? my whole family is going to fall apart because i think they're going to call her a liar (especially our cousin, the one married to him), but she has no reason to lie about something like this. what can i do to help my family?? ok i know that was long, but i hope someone can help me! thanks it's greatly appriciated!

run with scissors

Posts: 6 | From: chicago, il, usa | Registered: Oct 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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Bless you for being so caring and wanting to help support your cousin. You're right: some of the reaction within your family may be very hard to take, and may be unfair and unsupportive. And she'll need someone to be her advocate very much. She's lucky to have you.

The first thing you can help her with is getting some support in terms of dealing with sexual assault overall. I don't know what part of Chicago you're in, but you can call the police station she went to with her and get a loisting of survivor supprot groups in your area. Offer to go with her. Her finding support with others who have been through similar can be really key, and she may feel better going with someone like you than alone, initially.

Make sure you let her know you DO believe her, and that you're there for her should she need any little thing; all she needs to do is ask you. That in and of itself is huge, really.

You may also just want to be ready to be a fair mediator in discussions within your family she isn't included in about this. If you can help keep things from getting nasty, or just being hidden, that's great. Seems to me there arre also likely some residual issues to deal with in your family -- like having family parties where minors are getting drunk, for instance, which is basically a recipe for disaster and dysfunction.

Heather Corinna
Editor and Founder, Scarleteen

My epitaph should read: "She worked herself into this ground."
-- Kay Bailey Hutchinson

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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