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Author Topic: How should I deal with my boyfriend?
Ktnb
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Member # 8467

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I hope this is the right area for this. I've been lurking here for a little while, but this is my first time posting. I have a problem, and I figured you guys could help me better than anyone else.

Okay, I've been dating my boyfriend for four months now. He's a great guy, and we have a very strong relationship (honestly, I could see myself marrying him). There's just one problem. He doesn't seem to understand that I don't want to have sex every single day.

Let me explain. I'm at summer school right now, and he's here at school finishing up a research project. (We both go to the same college.) He's been here for the past week, and every night for the past week, it's been the exact same thing - he comes over, we go out to dinner, and then we come back to my room and have sex. I love having sex with him. It's just that I am *so* busy right now I can't even see straight - between schoolwork and looking for a summer job, I don't even have time to breathe, let alone spend 6 hours every single night doing dinner and sex. Plus, I'm at a point in my menstrual cycle where my sexual drive is absolutely nonexistant. So not only have I had to have sex with him every night, but I've had to fake it every night too!

I tried telling him that I have schoolwork to do and that I can't spend the entire night with him. It didn't work. I tried telling him that I was exhausted and I really didn't want to have sex. It didn't work. The problem is, he gets hard just thinking about sex, and I feel like a tease if I send him home with an erection, so I get him off so I can get him out. (I think he knows that guilt tripping me like this works.) How can I explain to him that, unlike him, I don't have the sex drive of an 18 year old guy, and there are some nights where I really don't want to have sex!

(edited because this is really stressing me out and I can't spell when I'm stressed)

[This message has been edited by Ktnb (edited 06-02-2002).]


Posts: 1 | From: Virginia | Registered: Jun 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
ErinK
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 1371

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I'm afraid you may have to spell it out pretty clearly. How about sitting him down somewhere semi-public (so that the conversation will stay a conversation) and say something like this:

"Sweetie, you know I love you and I want you, but right now I'm so exhausted and drained by school that I just can't see straight! <insert list of very good reasons you just gave for why you're tired, stressed> I really can't have sex with you every night; as much as I love you and I want you, it's just not doing much for me right now. Could we maybe take a break until <date that would be good for you> and then pick up where we left off?"

And, well, to be honest, sweetie, if he's got an erection when he leaves you, he can go home and use his hand -- and I wouldn't be shy about pointing that out if he starts with the puppy-face. No one's going to die from not having sex, and if you don't want it and he's not respecting your limits, it might be time to start enforcing them a little more firmly.

I hope the stress lets up soon!

erin


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