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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Gender Issues » How Do I Tell Them I'm Sure?

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Author Topic: How Do I Tell Them I'm Sure?
Stephen-Renae
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So, I got my gut to stop tossing, and I came out to my mom as Transgendered last night. I am 17, living at home, and she already knows I'm bi. Actually, she took this news very well in her own way ), and she agreed wholeheartedly that we need to look into therapy.

However, she thinks that I'm confused. She's 50, and well...she forgets things. She says that I once told her that I'm gay, when I said no such thing. I've never once believed myself to be gay. So, she thinks I went from Gay>Bi>Transgender, and so thinks I'm confused. I tried to tell her that I was sure, and she asked the time-tested, dreaded question:

"How do you know?"

And I don't know how to answer. I've always known? I can't go off ans describe every little moment where I've felt like a boy. So, has anyone else been asked this ( I'm sure there's got to be someone out there )? How did you answer?

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Karybu
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I think everyone who is out (whether it be about their gender identity, sexual orientation, whatever) has been asked that question at least once. Sometimes it can help to turn the question around, and ask how THEY knew when they were cis or straight. Otherwise, just saying you know who you are and you shouldn't need to explain your identity any more than anyone else can be a good response.

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"Another world is not only possible, she is on her way. On a quiet day, I can hear her breathing." -Arundhati Roy

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Stephen-Renae
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Thanks. I'll keep that in mind if/when it comes up again [Smile]
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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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I think "I've always known" is an incredibly powerful statement in just three words, and one that would tend to be the answer for most trans people, if not all.

I also think that answer really should suffice. If it doesn't, it should at least perhaps open the door to some decent discussion, especially since it sounds like your mother is reacting far better than so many parents do to children who are gendervariant.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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IraSass
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"i've always known" is true for many trans people, but not all. i certainly didn't know i was trans until i was about 21 or 22! i just wanted to point out that this model doesn't work for all of us, and can actually be damaging to folks who are trying to figure their gender stuff out and thinking "but i can't possibly be trans, i haven't ALWAYS KNOWN."
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bornpurple
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Yeah, I certainly haven't always known either. I had knowledge that I felt like a boy, but not that I WAS a boy. I thought I was just some weird girl. [Razz]

It was my later teens when I realized transition was possible that I started to question and come to terms with things.

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Heather
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Ira: I hear you, but I think that when someone is speaking their own truth to someone in their life, and their own truth IS that they have always known, they get to say that and don't need to worry about what impact it may have for those whose truth it isn't, you know?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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