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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Gender Issues » transgendered?

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Author Topic: transgendered?
pud21
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Member # 31757

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Hi every one this is my third post! i have been recently really thinking about why i think i may be trans. I mean it's not recently it's taking up every single thought pattern in my head. I am desperatly trying to work out if i am trans or not?
The reasons why i believe i may be trans are because when ever i have sex i am a man and it doesn't turn me on to fantasize about being a woman. I only really discovered this when i started do date my girlfriend. I think that my sexual thoughts before where pretty blurry i wasn't anything or anyone really in my fantacies other than just feeling masculine in some way?

I Started off as a fem lesbian but then slowly changed in to the more boyish lesbian, now i only dress in exclusivly male colthing.
Another reason why i thinkl i may be trans is because i feel more male than i do female but i do act like a female you couldn't tell any other. This confuses me greatly. Then in another thought i remember what i used to be like with my girlfriend and that confuses me even more because i think well i can't be exclusivly male, as i sometimes acted like a girl and like feeling protected, but i am also extremly attracted to bisexual and straight women if i find out a girl is gay it in a way puts me off.
I have considered the option of being gender queer to but again i don't think that truly fits the way i feel.

Before ay one gets the wrong impression i am aware that gender is completly different from sexuality but i feel muddled up in all of this, i know that gender is who you believe you are and sexuality is who you are attracted to, but is it possible to be confused by the two? I know i like girls though so i can't be that confused can i?

Would realy appreciate any thoughts or feedback on this.

Thanks

Posts: 13 | From: UK | Registered: Dec 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Did you give some thought to the things I asked you here: http://www.scarleteen.com/forum/ultimatebb.php?ubb=get_topic;f=25;t=000231;p=1#000000

If so, what were those thoughts?

I'd strongly suggest -- and I know, it's not easy -- trying to think separately about your orientation and your gender identity. Obviously, they're related in some ways, but they are different. So, for instance, step out of how your gender works when it comes to sexual fantasy, sexual relationships and sexual attractions. Think about it and how you feel about it in other areas of your life: when it comes to your own body image, for instance, and how you feel about your body as a whole and the parts of it culture strongly genders. Think about it in how you're just walking around town, living your day-to-day life, about how you self-identify when there isn't anyone else in the equation at all.

And when you say things like "act like a female," can you give some thought to that? In other words, what do you mean? In other words, I'm female and my sister is female, and we both identify as women but in pretty much every aspect, our behaviour, our choices, how we present is incredibly different. What are your ideas and constructs about gender? I ask because it sounds to me like you have some pretty limited ideas -- perhaps internalized from culture -- about what masculine and feminine gender are, how they are enacted, how they look.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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pud21
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Thankyou for that yes i guess it does sound like i have some pretty limited ideas but, i am just so confused as i feel more male but sometimes feel female, i also act like a female, no one would ever believe me if i told them i was truly male. I am currently seing a psycologist, which isn't really making things clearer but my mood has definatly lifted. I think he thinks that i need to experement more as i have only ever had one partner since comming out as a lesbian. Having sex towards the end of the relationship really distressed and became emotionally painful to the point where i would try aned avoid it if i could as i felt that my thoughts really did mean something more than just sexual fantasy.

Do you think it would be worth me experementing a bit more?

Thanks for your reply.

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Heather
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I don't understand why experimenting sexually with other people has anything to do with your gender ID. At all.

Nor do I think that's especially fair to the other folks who'd be involved if you weren't plain with them that that was what this was about. And if you're saying that right now, your gender identity issues are what are/were making sex with others distressing for you, then more sex doesn't sound like a sound idea to me.

You keep saying things like "act like a female."

Again, what do you MEAN when you say that? And whatever it is that you mean, does this behaviour feel authentic to you, or does it feel like an act?

I really think those questions are things you need to look at and that in doing so, while it may likely create a lot more questions for you, it may also make getting to whatever the right answers for you are -- no matter what the answer eventually is -- a whole lot more likely.

[ 01-12-2007, 01:37 PM: Message edited by: Heather ]

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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pud21
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I guess it does come naturally to me to present my self as femanine thats what i mean by act like a girl sometimes i feel comfortable about it and somwtimes i don't. Sometimes i feel that i have to act more manly but most of the time male is what i am more so in my head but i don't regect the female parts of me totally. Sorry if i have confused you.

Thanks

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logic_grrl
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You know, gender identity and expression don't always have to "match" - whether you identify as male or female doesn't necessarily have anything to do with whether you act in a conventionally "masculine" or "feminine" way.

Someone can ID as female and act "butch", for example.

Some people identify as "feminine guys" - does that fit at all with what you're feeling?

And of course, people of all genders and gender expressions can want to be protected sometimes [Smile] .

--------------------
"Do not be daunted by the enormity of the world's grief. Do justly, now. Love mercy, now. Walk humbly, now. You are not obligated to complete the work, but neither are you free to abandon it." - the Talmud

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pud21
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Member # 31757

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Thank you for your reply 'logic_grrl' yes it did help me alot to consider what you had said, have you had simular experiences of your own or know of somebody? hope you don't mind me asking.
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logic_grrl
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Well, I identify as female but tend to come across as fairly masculine and butch, and I often get mistaken for a boy.

And there are a whole lot of other people out there with non-standard gender identities or gender expressions.

Did you check out the links to online communities that Heather posted here?

http://www.scarleteen.com/forum/ultimatebb.php?ubb=get_topic;f=25;t=000231

Even if you just read and don't post, you might find it really helpful to read the experiences of other people dealing with similar issues, and see the whole huge range of ways people can end up identifying.

--------------------
"Do not be daunted by the enormity of the world's grief. Do justly, now. Love mercy, now. Walk humbly, now. You are not obligated to complete the work, but neither are you free to abandon it." - the Talmud

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