I was just wondering, do you consider yourself the "woman" in your relationship? and what does it mean to you?
I think i'm the woman, i take care of my partner, arrange sociak activities, more sensitive, and less likely to express it, verly concerned about my partners well being, and in general the one who makes everything work.
Hmmm...well I suppose that I do consider myself the woman in the relationship. Although I'm not sure I think you can necessarily define relationship roles based solely on gender...it's rather streotypical. In my relationship, we trade off things like emotional strength and worrying about each other. We make things work together...everybody contributes.
I don't really know exactly why, but yeah, I guess I consider myself the woman.
I'm the woman, he's the man. If I was in a lesbian relationship, we'd both be the women. If I was in a polyamorous relationship, we'd all be whatever gender our genes had seen fit to make us.
Posts: 5122 | From: I *came* from the land of ice and snow | Registered: Aug 2000
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I generally am not inclined to attach male and female divisions to things like traits and actions, and neither is my partner.
What roles we have in the relationship really flow from day to day, and depending on what mood each of us is in, and things tend to be pretty balanced: we're both the breadwinner, we both do the bills, we both do the household stuff, we're both sensitive and bombastic, we both take care of one another and our friends, what have you.
Most gender traits aren't biological: they are social constructs which shift from era to era and culture to culture.
I agree with Miz S. I have never been able to pinpoint if I am the man or woman in the relationship. By man and woman, I am talking about what my society dictates a man and woman's role in a relationship is.
I can be very tough and I would make practically all the decisions in the relationship. However there are times when I would just pamper him and look after him, like a good woman should.
Nah. Seriously, I simply cannot pin myself to being either the woman or man. I can be both and that's half the fun isn't it?
Ahh ... no really. I don't know. I'd like to say that i wear the pants in the relationship, but i tend to let him borrow them once in a while. He's very 'in touch w/ this feminine side', so to speak. For example, we watched Bounce last nite and he cried and i didn't. I thought i was going to be a pile of mush and it was actually him ... so i laughed at him I'm so evil ... muwahaha
But we do trade spots, a lot. He's more aggressive than me and likes all those icky movies (he made me watch The Matrix ... ew) w/ guns and stuff ... Typical male stuff.
If you're looking at it as in gender ideals (see my post around here somewhere) then I'm the one with the male role in the relationship. My SO does some "traditionally" female things, such as all of the cooking and cleaning. I go to work everyday and he stays home.. and there's a multitude of little things as well.
But it's what suits us both. We're not intentionally like this, it's just what feels best
don't mean to sell out my sisters, but i was raised such that i still enforce outdated gender roles
i like it when guys decide our plans, where to go, what to do, when we go out. i like the idea of a guy being bigger and stronger than me; a guy who can protect me from danger. i like it when a guy is as smart or smarter than me. i like the idea of the man being the breadwinner.
i'm not saying i want to be oppressed, but it sure beats having me rule over him. that's no fun for me. i've had guys who, if need be, i could take in a fist fight. and dumbing down my vocabulary is not cool
right now, my boyfriend is the egalitarian type. that's nice. he honestly wants my opinion. but i don't like deciding things all the time. i want him to decide too, before i take over and brainwash him (like my mom has done to my dad). intellectually, we're both on par, which is **excellent**. And he can bench my weight and run a much faster mile And he works two jobs 'cause according to him, "Girlfriends are an expensive hobby (but the payoff is worth it)." I, on the other hand, am a slacker. Miramax should make an independent film about me.
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Posts: 12677 | From: Los Angeles, CA ... somewhere off the 10 | Registered: Jul 2000
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I'm not in a relationship, but I think that in any relationship with me it switches throughout the day. If you were with me, I'd want to cook and bake for you, because I like to cook and bake, and I'm pretty good and I want you to eat me. Errm, I mean eat my good food. I'd probably be more agressive sexually, because I'm a pretty agressive person. I'm your classic Aries, really. So I'd probably take the lead in bed. And I'd give you back rubs and foot massages because I know that you'll like it and it will unstress you. And then I'll tell you to make your bed.
So, I think that I'd switch roles throughout the day.
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i think neither of us is realy either in our relationship. i pay for most things b/c i've got a better job and he's on my insurance policy b/c his job has a crappy one. but he carries the heavy stuff. either of us may end up wearing cloths associated with either gender. i'm generally the more emotional of the two of us, but to quote one of the earlier posters i could prolly take him in a fight.....this is a confusing question 'rin
Posts: 219 | From: lost in yonkers | Registered: Nov 2000
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Oh, god, I'm going to have to say that we're pretty equal. We definitely trade off emotional strengths and gushyness and all that fun stuff. Although she is definitely more girly than me (as in appearences) ...
Posts: 290 | From: Minneapolis | Registered: Feb 2001
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If I were going purely by what society says women are supposed to do, then my boyfriend is the woman in our relationship.
He cooks. He deals with most of the household stuff. But that's partially because it's his house and I'm a little weird about messing around with his stuff because his parents will be back soon (they were temporarily living elsewhere). Also I dress "like a boy." I probably spend less time worrying about my appearance than he does (and he doesn't worry much, I'm just saying that I don't worry.) I don't do a LOT of "female" things. I also am pretty adamant about watching sports although I don't play (that would be pretty useless unless I bought a wheelchair and got into wheelchair sports). I love football and hockey. I used to collect rocks and play with transformers and hotwheels cars. I'm not very girlie at all. When I have put on makeup it's really uncomfortable and nasty to me--I don't need an extra layer of crud on my skin. It just really bugs me (and I've seen my sister have allergic reactions to makeup, too.).
So I guess that he would be considered the woman, particularly because he's also sensitive and he's not afraid to cry either. But I really don't like the societal standards of "gender roles" so it's not like I ever feel like we are "weird" for the way it's kind of reversed in our relationship. It's not really entirely reversed, either...I am still sensitive and certain other things. I don't really mind my femininity but I'm not the "I am woman, hear me roar" type, either... I am just me, and I happen to have female sexual organs, and I am not especially gender-confused, so the title "female" doesn't bug me but I'm not particularly attached to it.
The other day I told someone I was a boy to see what they'd think. A lot of times I feel like I AM more of a boy than a girl (although they of course didn't believe me because I look female). But I'm not particularly attached to being either one.
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