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Author Topic: Can i rant about my world here?
keekee
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Member # 28826

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Well hi there, im a 16 year old young lady in the UK (rather be in the US like some here...), I like my dots ... currently at college although I am failing ... I just dont want to be there anymore, everything at college in the UK is written, study based work ... me? I am a hands-on person. I like to be in there, learning from what I do. So out of boredom and knowing I wont get where i want to be with bad grades I took my little bottom off to the local careers centre and they gave me information on doing a cadetship in nursing ... fantastic I thought, so i contacted the women in charge of the course.
After several failed attempts of calling her numbers, leaving a message and waiting for the call back ( which bdw was 15days after the last call!!!) anyways she said she'd send me the information pack ... which I recieved today... with no application form!!! how are you supposed to apply?! .... major frustration!!! GAH!!

So anyways im in need of a change as you have gathered, then police women calls and tells me because im nearly 17 i cant testify via video link anymore... to my horror!!! so now I must face him in the witness box listening to the defence telling me im stupid, i made it up and how can a child remember this? This scares me more then anything. So then i think well what if they do find him not guilty? what happens then? am i just supposed to sit back and listen to this? My mom has'nt heard all the things he did to me... im worried for her too.

So I saw my boyfriend on monday ... wow sooo happy [Big Grin] ... and scarleteen will be pleased to hear we used condoms, lube and latex gloves... [Big Grin] see im a good girl and i insisted .... proudness. Safe sex really is sexy!!! And we started building our own safe sex kit that will stay at my house... I bought Astroglide, flavoured condoms, normal extra safe condoms, latex gloves and dental dams
... [Big Grin] /recommends it to newbies. What makes me happier is the fact my b/f respected me for asking him to use gloves .... ( allbeit he thought i was joking at first!!) ( thanks scarleteen for making me safer!)

Now sister ... uhm sister ... the bane of my existance ( not!!!) Well im extremely worried for her ... shes on birth control BUT she often has unprotected sex with her boyfriend ( her first sexual partner) WHO HAS HAD 4 OTHER PARTNERS! and this scares me so much I love her so much I worry. Ive tried talking to her as shes 14 and is having sex illegally!!! mams tried and she still wont listen...

I even tried talking to her 20 year old boyfriend who should be more mature!!!!!

Anyways moving on swiftly ... I have to go in hospital soon for a colonoscopy [Frown] ... im so scared ... and embarrassed i feel as though it will be degrading and I dont want to feel that way. I would'nt even let the nurse give me a anal exam!!!!! But the doctors assure me that only a women gastroentrologist will do it ... so i signed the forms ... is there a way to make sure it will be a women??? Im really scared of men being in that area with me... i only jsut starting to trust my b/f!!! is there anyway to curve my fear? and feelings?

I went to the psychologist the other week and she said to me...
quote:
Oh you have ittirable bowel disease
... when she was looking at my notes. BUT ive always been told by the gastroentrologist it was irritable bowel syndrome ( which is different) ... so why am i being told two different things???? whos am i to believe? and why are they sending me to a phsycologist .. im not mad ... the pain is real..... im not a mental case!!! ARGH!!!!

So I needed to get away from home ... arguements and things so i decided to go to the park today ... and they have this new weird roundabout thing that goes up at a slant ... nothing to hold on to nothing to grip as u sit on it. Well this little girl started running around the middle as i was on it making it go round ... next thing I knew I was ont the floor - The slanty roundabout thing had chucked me off itself!!! so i cut my leg quite badly and had to have the twigs and glass pulled out cleaned and 4 stitches put on it ... all because of this girl and the roundabout ... evil roundabout ... its satanic LOL (please note: roundaboputs can be good nice things little kids can play on safely!!!)

so confused...
anyways I think I should end this now
Ive ranted way to much ...
keekee
xxx

[ 05-19-2006, 09:10 PM: Message edited by: keekee ]

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Yes, know thyself: in great concerns or small, Be this thy care, for this, my friend, is all. - Juvenal

Abuse can and will only survive and thrive if silence is kept. So lets speak out?!

Posts: 83 | From: Dagenham, Essex UK | Registered: May 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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quote:
is there a way to make sure it will be a women??? Im really scared of men being in that area with me... i only jsut starting to trust my b/f!!! is there anyway to curve my fear?
Stating you are a sexual abuse victim with a male perp, and thus, this boundary is incredibly important, should assure you have a female doctor, without any argument.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 67994 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
keekee
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Member # 28826

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Thankyou Miz Scarlet ... I will try to talk to my gastro-entrologist when I have my appointment next week *huggles u*
keekee
xxx
ps: do u ever sleep? LOL

--------------------
Yes, know thyself: in great concerns or small, Be this thy care, for this, my friend, is all. - Juvenal

Abuse can and will only survive and thrive if silence is kept. So lets speak out?!

Posts: 83 | From: Dagenham, Essex UK | Registered: May 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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(Every now and then, yes. [Smile] )

Also, "disease"is just a term that means illness. So, your psych was just using different terminology to mean the same thing as your other doctor, no worries.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 67994 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
keekee
Activist
Member # 28826

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awww thankyou for clearing that up too ... i was confused!!!! Glad to hear u sleep ... otherwise that would be tiredville all the time!!!!
anywasy its 03:45am now in rainy, windy cold england and in a minute im going to head to bed ... Mizz scarlet I love your site [Smile]
kee
xxx

--------------------
Yes, know thyself: in great concerns or small, Be this thy care, for this, my friend, is all. - Juvenal

Abuse can and will only survive and thrive if silence is kept. So lets speak out?!

Posts: 83 | From: Dagenham, Essex UK | Registered: May 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
September
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 25425

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PS: There really are two different things, actually. One is Irritable Bowel Syndrome, the other is Inflammatory Bowel Disease. Might want to sit down with a doctor and have them expalain to you exactly what they think you have, and what that means for you, if you haven't done so already.

As for the colonoscopy, it's not degrading. It might seem like that now, but as it's happening you'll be sedated and not know much of what is happening. I was on valium last time and I have a very fuzzy memory of the procedure itself. I's painless and it'll be over before you know it. But if it'll help you calm down before the procedure, by all means, do as Miz Scarlet suggested and talk to the doctors about it.

[ 05-20-2006, 02:38 AM: Message edited by: September ]

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Johanna
Scarleteen Volunteer

"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

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keekee
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Member # 28826

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Okays so tonight i am angry and frustrated, A friend of mine came to see me today, he booked a hotel for the weekend so that i can see him sataday and sunday. Well I had tickets to go see rocky horror picture show today and i told him i would have to leave early sataday night and get up early in the morning to see him. He told me this was fine and not to worry.
After Having a lovely time with him, then at the show and having a meal with friends, I checked my phone only to find he had left me a message not to meet him again .... what did i do wrong?

So my sister told our lodger ( her friend who stays with us) politely to leave our house because shes constantly causing arguements ... BUT ... she went off on one ... and when she was calmly and politely asked to keep the noise down she threw a glass bottle at me !!!!! i got a cut over my left eye for it [Frown] so i sortave went apoe ... [Frown] the spare room stank of alcohol!!! ... so now im just thinking well ... why me? why does she have to act this way in our home?

I guess my life is in the wars atm...
anyways its 2:44am and im gonnae sign this off ... just a little rant about a few things... OH one good thing is ... I had opticians today ... i don have to have new glasses and after 13 years my eyes are finally stable !!! [Big Grin] *parties*
love keee
xxxx

--------------------
Yes, know thyself: in great concerns or small, Be this thy care, for this, my friend, is all. - Juvenal

Abuse can and will only survive and thrive if silence is kept. So lets speak out?!

Posts: 83 | From: Dagenham, Essex UK | Registered: May 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
keekee
Activist
Member # 28826

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Me again - bet your getting tired of me by now?!
Anyway, I went to the gym today, for the first time in 6 weeks. I guess I lost my drive to go. Well today I thought hmmm okay lets go and try to make myself feel better. So guess what it worked i feel like jumping around the room. Funny, how a little exercise makes you ache but feel great?!

I spoke to the friends today who i met this week ( read above for the story). Well, I text him and besically asked what i did wrong to deserve the way he was treating me. He said that 'I am really not worth bothering about and I should do us both a favour and shush' ( in his exact words). But he still wants me as a friend. I am confused as to why he wants this if he is insulting me? I feel quite hurt he has judged me and he knows fair well I could not get out of the musical with my friends. His excuse was he was drinking. Well my point to this is is a women beat her husband or vise versa being drunk would'nt excuse it. I know it works both ways and that i should have given him my undivided attention when I saw him... am i the one being unfair??? If this is the case does that excuse him for the phonecall and the fact he threw seeing this other lady ( whom i think she is great) in my face? Well he found out I am dating my boyfriend, maybe I should have told my friend sooner. I should have made it clear that all I wanted to see my friend is only a friend. But I feel all hes concearned about is a 'relationship' he is thinking about was'nt mean to be. Does this mean i am not a friend, and does he even understand that when he came down all i wanted to see was a friend coming down? He keeps saying that he only came down to sort out his feelings for me and that I have mislead him because me and my boyfriend got together, I guess for that I am sorry. But im so confused He was a lovely guy and i guess he is gone out of my life now.

So now I must think about the future, right? But what future? THe failing of my A levels, court case, and illness. I feel hollow at the moment as to what im supposed to do. I am on the fence (not in that way) but not knowing what way to go or turn. With a arrow in front of me but not knowing which path to take. Im sad. I feel lonely. Completely numb.

keekee
xx

--------------------
Yes, know thyself: in great concerns or small, Be this thy care, for this, my friend, is all. - Juvenal

Abuse can and will only survive and thrive if silence is kept. So lets speak out?!

Posts: 83 | From: Dagenham, Essex UK | Registered: May 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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