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Author Topic: Condom & Sex Questions. :)
Serenaa
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Member # 44887

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Hey everyone, just need some help here..

i've got a boyfriend and we do talk about sex, now that im comfortable with him, i feel like its the right time in having sex. So i've been needing to ask a few questions about condoms and sex. here goes.

1) girls bleed right? does it ever stop? if i do bleed, do my boyfriend and I stop having sex for the first time?
2) It's my first time having sex, in order for his penis to go in my vagina, does he have to look at my vagina in order to know where to put it in?
3) I got my period on the 8th of April, do i get my period again after im done having sex? When do i know when to get my period? when do i know that im not pregnant?
4) Sex usually lasts for how long?
5) Now, I dont want my parents to find out at all, so a friend of mine said when i do bleed i have to put a pad? [Confused]
6) Do the guys know when they'll '' cum '' ? do they control it?

I got my boyfriend a condom, and it said it was vanilla flavoured and it's lubricated, and it's latex. i got it two weeks ago, well my cousin handed it over to me. I'm not so sure when it would get expired, how long can a condom last?

Posts: 43 | From: KW. | Registered: Dec 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Serenaa, I'm glad to answer these questions for you, however just one week ago, you were very clear you did NOT feel ready at all, and that you didn't feel at all good about some sex that did happen: http://www.scarleteen.com/forum/ultimatebb.php?/ubb/get_topic/f/1/t/008063/p/1.html#000021

Feeling you need to slow things down one week then going into feeling it's the right time is a BIG change in a short period of time. Is your boyfriend not being supportive of you wanting to slow things down?

As well, if you're saying things like you're worried someone may look at your vulva, that's a strong indication you're not ready. Sex tends to mean everyone looking at each other and becoming intimate with your intimate parts: if that makes you uncomfortable, that's one more reason to step back, not forward.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Serenaa
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Member # 44887

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Yes, I understand a week ago I wasnt ready, and didnt feel good about the anal sex. To me it just didnt feel right.

I guess i'm just overthinking it, I keep getting mixed feelings to the whole sex situation. Sometimes I do feel it's the right time, for example im going to see him tomorrow, he's going to either take my trousers off, my top off ( which i dont mind, cause I've done it alot of times when I am with him ) but then he'll say '' you know I want to have sex whenever im with you ''

- Honestly, I havent even mentioned it to him about slowing things down, I dont want to tell him on the phone, I'd rather say it face to face? So I'll see what his response would be, and see what happens from there?

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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I'm concerned about how you two are negotiating sex.

Negotiating doing someone one day in advance of that day isn't a sound approach, because what we think we might be okay with on the phone on Tuesday isn't always how we feel in person Thursday.

If he's also still saying those things to you despite you making clear you want and need to slow things down, then he's pressuring you and not respecting your boundaries. But if you still haven't said you need to slow things down, you really need to do that. If it's fine to talk on the phone about what he wants sexually, it should be fine for you, even when it's about what you don't want. I'm perplexed as to why you haven't yet had that talk, especially if you've still been talking about sex together. Why do you think you have been silent on this and not speaking up for yourself?

I'd suggest you have this conversation sooner, rather than later, and that you stop making any potential agreements with him about doing things sexually until you do.

[ 04-21-2010, 11:26 AM: Message edited by: Heather ]

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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By the by, have we given you this link yet?

http://www.scarleteen.com/article/sexuality/be_a_blabbermouth_the_whys_whats_and_hows_of_talking_about_sex_with_a_partner

If not, why don't you have a read there?

I also think checking in with this piece, part of a larger one, on men and consent might be informative for you: http://www.scarleteen.com/how_can_men_know_if_someone_is_giving_consent_or_not_0

Here's one more piece I think may help you get a better idea of what being ready is like: http://www.scarleteen.com/article/pink/an_immodest_proposal

Lastly, have you gone through our readiness checklist before?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68241 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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