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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sex Basics and Sexual Health » confused

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Author Topic: confused
noname88
Neophyte
Member # 64939

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Hello,

I have been dating my girlfriend for a very long time, and we are bestfriends. We never fight, and we never argue. Everyone tells us how we are the most laid back people that they know. I love her more than anything, and she means the world to me. We have never had sex, and it is because I am afraid. I have done my research, trust me. Hours worth. I have looked at the charts, but I want to hear personal experiences. Both of us are 100% clean. I know this for a fact. Do you know anyone that has ever gotten pregnant while using both the pill and condoms? I have never done this before, and am pretty paranoid. Again, I have read all over, and on this website, but I want to hear personal experiences.

Thank you.

Posts: 1 | From: earth | Registered: May 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
May Day
Activist
Member # 39174

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Hi noname88, welcome to Scarleteen!

It is so great to hear you and your gf have such a positive, loving relationship! I'll try and answer your questions.

First of all, in the future can you please not refer to people without STIs as 'clean'? Language like this implies that people WITH STIs are dirty, and that sort of negative stigma is harmful and very false.

Both the pill and male condoms are excellent choices as birth control, with condoms also acting as barrier protection against STIs. What methods of STI/pregnancy prevention you decide to use depend upon the level of risk you are comfortable with. My partner and i ONLY use condoms and i feel very comfortable with this level of risk. But you, who are feeling anxious about pregnancy, may benefit from using more than 1 form of birth control. And that's totally Okay (the boards here advocate use of 2 methods at a time). Combined use of both the pill and condom used correctly make the risk of pregnancy very low.

Also, keep in mind that going from no sexual experience to intercourse is a BIG leap. You and your gf may be a lot more comfortable with taking it slow and getting to know each other's bodies without PIV sex. That's what i really like about sex: getting to know someone i care about while minimising any anxiety i have because i can go at a pace that's most comfortable for me.

Here are a couple of articles to get you going, have a read and feel free to come back with any more questions you have.

Birth control bingo: http://www.scarleteen.com/article/sexuality/birth_control_bingo

Talking about sex with a partner: http://www.scarleteen.com/article/sexuality/be_a_blabbermouth_the_whys_whats_and_hows_of_talking_about_sex_with_a_partner

And a good link for a range: the buddy system: http://www.scarleteen.com/article/pink/the_buddy_system_effectiveness_rates_for_backing_up_your_birth_control_with_a_second_me

Posts: 172 | From: Australia | Registered: Jul 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Djuna
Activist
Member # 29269

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May Day, this is great advice! Although your third link doesn't appear to work, so here's another:

The Buddy System

noname88, welcome to the boards! [Smile] I'm hearing that pregnancy is your big concern. Now, no method is 100% effective at preventing pregnancy (I recently learnt that even vasectomy is only about 99% effective over a typical year).

However, if a pregnancy risk does occur (like a condom breaking, which is one thing factored into calculating how effective condoms are), there are options like emergency contraception, which you can take up to 120 hours (five days) after your risk, for example.

Too, if you're very concerned about pregnancy, perhaps you and your partner can talk about how to avoid pregnancy risks if you do want to have sex - which doesn't necessarily mean intercourse. There are a lot of other activities, including oral sex, manual sex and so on, which could be ways for the two of you to be sexual together at first without having as much anxiety about pregnancy (although there may still be STI risks to consider, and barrier methods are a good idea there too).

You were saying you've been doing some reading on the main site, too - if you've read those articles, do you want to discuss your concerns some more?

[ 05-18-2011, 07:08 AM: Message edited by: patrickvienna ]

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“In a strange room, before you are emptied for sleep, what are you. And when you are filled with sleep you never were. I don’t know what I am. I don’t know if I am or not... how often have I lain beneath rain on a strange roof, thinking of home.”

Posts: 1269 | From: London, UK | Registered: Jun 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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