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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sex Basics and Sexual Health » couple of safer sex questions

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Author Topic: couple of safer sex questions
treetops
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These might be silly questions, but oh well.

Someone I've slept with recently seems to be having some trouble with condoms - he finds it difficult to put one on without touching the penis itself (with fingers), and I've tried putting one on him as well and I had the same problem. It seems like his penis is too wide to put the condom on with ease. Is it possible it's just a condom size problem? Or something we're doing wrong in trying to put them on?
I'm guessing it does matter if you touch the erect penis with fingers, as it kind of defeats the purpose of using the condom in the first place.

Also, I've just started using dams and they're a lot thicker than I expected - are you supposed to kind of pull them taut?

Thanks!

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Heather
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It's okay to touch the penis when putting a condom on, and pretty tough to do without doing that at all, IME. Touching the penis doesn't defeat the purpose at all if you or he are only touching the base or shaft. And if that still leaves you feeling insecure for whatever reason, whichever of you put it on can always wash your hands quickly after if you like.

Dams are held tautly when you use them, so kind of holding the edges against the mons, thighs or buttocks (don't know how you're using them) will tend to make the latex thinner. Can I ask what brand you're using, too?

[ 04-13-2010, 04:50 PM: Message edited by: Heather ]

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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treetops
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Thanks for the quick response, Heather!

I mean the head of the penis, really, it seems very difficult to get the condom over it without touching it and there may already be pre-cum or whatever, hence my slight concern.

I've got Pasante dams.

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Heather
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Okay, so let me kind of talk you through this. It might sound really rudimentary, but I'll err on that in case that's what you need.

So, let's say he's putting it on. When he opens the condom, he'll take it out, and hold the base of his penis with one hand. In the other he can hold the condom kind of right in that "o" the thumb and forefinger make when we put the tips of them together, with both fingers over the rim of the condom.

Then, he'll kind of take that "o" over to the tip of his penis, and press down from the top, all the while keeping the condom in that "o." Do you know what I mean? Is this what he's done already?

It might also help (and it makes condoms feel better for the wearer, too) for him to put a couple drops of lube right on the head of his penis, so the condom rolls down more smoothly.

With the dams, the Pasantes are made for sexual use, so you will have a typical dam thickness (I asked that because dams made for surgical use are thicker).

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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treetops
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Not sure I'm following - as far as I understand, you're supposed to pinch the tip of the condom while putting it on to leave room for ejaculate. So you're doing that with one hand, and rolling the condom down the penis with the other hand, which is kind of awkward, but is the way I was shown at the sexual health place. Except that it's easy on a penis-shaped bit of plastic but less so on an actual penis. :/ Perhaps I'm missing something obvious.
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Heather
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With punching it, you can kind of duck back and forth a little, rolling then pinching back and forth OR he can skip holding the base and pinch while rolling it down like that. OR, you can do it jointly, which gives you two extra hands. [Smile]

Has he practiced doing this by himself, not just when you two are about to get sexual and the pressure is on?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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treetops
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I don't know that he has; I'll ask him.

Hmm, maybe it's just a practice thing then. You think it's unlikely to be a condom width-related problem?

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Heather
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Well, he can certainly try a larger condom to see if that makes things easier.

But for sure, if he's only tried this with you, it'd probably help a lot for him to get some practice alone. I know that can sound like a silly thing to do, but when you have a partner waiting on you, and want to get that condom on as fast as possible, it really can be not the best environment to learn to put them on in.

Too, if you are BOTH new to this, I'd leave yourselves more room with your learning curve. Two people learning at once will obviously mean it can take longer or be a bit tougher to work out. [Smile]

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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treetops
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We've both had a little experience of condom use before with other people, but I don't think either of us is very practised or confident. It's something I want to get right, though, as we're not monogamous.

I'll have a chat with him about it, and suggest he practises some more on his own.

Thanks for all your help. [Smile]

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Heather
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Sure! Sorry it's so limited! This is one of those things where I so wish I could do an in-person demonstration, but alas. [Frown]

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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