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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sex Basics and Sexual Health » sex, masturbation, foreplay, and my girlfriend (Page 4)

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Author Topic: sex, masturbation, foreplay, and my girlfriend
peterg
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ok, thanks a lot Heather [Smile]
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peterg
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ok, so now, my parents are deciding to favor my sister over me and my brother, she got to stay up after midnight 2 times this week, when her "curfew is 12:00." according to my parents, yet she still stayed up past that time.

And I also had my aunt, uncle, and grandma come up for my sister's graduation, and I let my aunt and uncle use my room to sleep, and so I had to sleep in my brother's room, and one night he turned on the light and told me to "look away" so I did, and I knew exactly what he was going to do, he sent someone a pic of his penis, to some chick.

He (my brother) has a lot of pics of chicks on his phone, some naked, others bra, etc. and he texts a lot of ppl trying to get these pics. He also went on www.omegle.com which is a website where you can "talk to strangers" and so her would ask ppl for their MSN accounts and he even had a girl in Canada strip for his on webcam, he tells me all of this stuff. And I don't know if I should report him or not. What should I do, cause if I do report him, knowing him he'd call me stupid, gay, or fag.

And as far as the foster care program goes, if I do report my parents, would I get to pick the area coverage of where I'll be staying, or how do you know where you'll be going, is there any way a minor can choose, or is it all random?

Thanks again Heather. [Smile]

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Heather
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With your questions with foster care, this is yet something again where you will need to talk to your guidance counselor or your local department of children and family services. Not only are these systems often different from state-to-state, but while I have some background in understanding them, this is just outside our range of services. As I have said before, when it comes to getting help with your family situation, you really need to put some effort into getting connected with the appropriate local departments and resources, okay?

Not saying that to blow you off, you just need to understand that any service has limits and limitations. You're not best-served by guesswork or blind Googling from us, and we do have to set limits on our own end, too.

I don't know what exactly you think you'd be reporting your brother FOR, but I don't see how making any effort to get him in trouble with authorities for his own actions, which don't involve you, would serve you. It's one thing to take action inside your family about anything that is hurting you or others: that's important. But trying to bust siblings who are already maltreating you for their own stuff just strikes me as a way to assure yourself more maltreatment.

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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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peterg
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I don't know what to do...

I want to talk to Lizzy and tell her the truth about me texting that girl awhile ago, but I'm afraid of what might happen...

I can talk to Lizzy easily about what's going on in my home, but when I think about telling Lizzy about the girl I was texting, I get this sick feeling inside of me.

I really do want to be honest, but I don't want to leave her. She's a very sweet and caring girl, and a great girlfriend, but I really haven't been the greatest boyfriend.

Before, I could never see me doing what I did, and now I have, and it's killing me.

Although I'm sad to admit this, my hair is already going grey due to the stress I'm under, and I'm only 16, and I know that's not normal, to be going grey at the age of 16.

Well, on the 11th is when I'm suppose to be hanging out with Lizzy, that is if my parents are going to let me cause they are freaking out about my grades, my GPA is a 2.3, And, if I do go, we'll be going to a Relay For Life charity event, with the Cancer Society, at Lizzy's school. It is an over night event, and there is paraental supervision, but I want to stay all night, but I don't think my parnets will let me, which I find rather lame, because over spring break, my family and I went up to Wisconsin Dells, and my sister's boyfriend came along. So I'm going to use that as a way for me to stay, because my parents favor my sister over me, wich is wrong.

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Heather
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(You know, grey hair isn't just about stress, it's also genetic. So, it may be normal for your genetics, but you have also had a lot of stresses, not just this situation with the cybersex and not being honest.)

I feel like in a lot of ways, this conversation about you being honest with Lizzy has become circular. I think you know how we feel about this: you asked for our advice, and we feel you need to be honest.

But it feels like you keep asking us to either help you rationalize not doing it, or putting it off, or explain again and again why it's important, and I don't think any of this is appropriate. It also just isn't a conversation I see as fruitful to keep having, since it's not going to change much, clearly.

I think you putting this off for so long has a lot to do with your stress over it, frankly. The longer we put off doing something challenging, the bigger we tend to build it up in our minds.

But at this point, it's up to you what you do and when you do it. You need to make a decision and stick with it, whatever that decision is. We're glad to support you, but I do want to ask you to please stop going round in circles about this with us, okay? It's just not productive.

Also, we ask users here to please not use terms like "lame" or "gay" as negatives: it's just not okay to people who are either in earnest, and doesn't create the kind of safe space we like Scarleteen to be.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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peterg
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Well, I'm going to be hanging out with Lizzy, and I'm going to tell her about me texting the girl, and about being more intimate in our relationship, and I will let her know that if she wants to, we can put boundries as to how far we go, and that she doesn't have to do anything that she doesn't want to do.
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Heather
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Good to hear! [Smile]

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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mma
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I've been working insane hours and haven't had time to use my personal computer at all this week, but I have been thinking about you.

Hope you follow through on being honest with your girlfriend and that you're continuing to work on a plan to make your living environment more secure.

Take good care of yourself.

--------------------
http://www.safeplace.org

1-800-799-SAFE (7233)
http://www.ndvh.org

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peterg
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ok, sorry of the long wait for me to reply. But here's what happened while I was gone...

Ok, so I did tell Lizzy about me texting the girl, and she was a little mad when I told her, but I told her that I love her, and that I stopped because of her, and that it'd never happen again.

I decided not to talk to her about intimacy, because I didn't want her to feel really bad, becuase if I told her about me texting the girl and intimacy on the same day, she probably would've thought that she was doing something wrong in our relationship, and I don't want her to think like that, because she is a great girlfriend, and I love her, and she's doing everything right in this relationship, and she has no other reason to think other wise.

But I might be hanging out with her on friday, which will be our 9th month anniversary [Smile] And I think I might talk to her about possibly being more intimate then, but I don't know what to say or do.

And as far as the name calling goes within my family, it's still happening, and now my brother is starting to call me a "slut" which I don't know why, and not to be sexist or anything, but I looked it up in the dictionary, and it said that only women can be sluts. Sorry for using words like that, I do realize that some people might take offence to those words.

But other than that, not much else has been happening.

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Heather
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I'm glad you were able to start that conversation with her and be honest. Sounds like it went well?

Per the name-calling, "slut" is an offensive thing to call someone no matter the gender of the person. It's a judgment of someone's character made based on sexual behavior, ideas about sexual behaviour or sexual objectification. And it has come into common use as a slur about people of all genders, not just women.

Have you yet gotten in contact with your department of children and family services? If not, again, we'd advise that. We can add extra support per talking for users in unhealthy or abusive family situations, but what we are not equipped to do is take any actions that can aid a user in changing those situations or getting safe beyond referring them to their local department of family services. Once we have done that, the onus is on the user to make that call.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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peterg
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ok, well, Lizzy and I hung out on Friday, which was also our 9 month anniversary [Smile]

However, I didn't talk to her about intimacy, but the night before, we talked about our relationship, and she said that "it's (our relationship) is strong, but I think that we went to fast by talking about marriage and kids."
And she also went on to say that she "wishes we saw each other more" which I agree with her on the second part...

But on that friday, the 25th, I was going to talk to her about intimacy as planned, but I didn't know what to say/do. I don't know if this was a good idea to do or not, but I had my friend Lexi text her...

Well, my friend Lexi asked Lizzy stuff about our relationship and Lizzy replied, and Lexi forwarded me all of the messages, thoses going to Lizzy, as well as the ones coming back to Lexi.

Well, in a nutshell, this is what was said...

Lexi: He's crazy about you, you're all he talks about.

Lizzy: I know, I'm crazy about him too.

Lexi: So, how's you're relationship with Tyler?

Lizzy: It's good, It's our 9th month anniversary today

Lexi: Have you ever thought about being more intimate with him?

Lizzy: idk, cause he wants sex, and I really don't.

Lexi: Ya know intimacy doesn't mean sex?

Lizzy: Ya, I know. It's just I trust him, but then I don't.

Lexi: Ok.

And that's really where the conversation ended. Lexi later told me, that "she wants intimacy, you just should talk with her about it."

But what really hurt me when I was reading the texts that were going back and forth was the one from Lizzy, "... I trust him, but then I don't."

That one really hurt me, cause I'm a good guy, and I'd never hurt Lizzy in anyway, or any woman for that matter. I've only broken up with one person before, the rest have all broken up with me, because I don't have it in me to hurt a woman.

Anyway, while I was at Lizzy's house, we walked around town and talked, etc. But later around 9:00 her mom had gotten a little drunk, and we were talking, and prank calling people.

Well, I have really hairy body parts probably because of my background, Brasilian and German, well, now it seems like everyone wants to see my legs, becuase, while we were walking, we stoped at Lizzy's aunt's house which is just down the street from Lizzy's own home, and her aunt was like, "Let me see your legs." And of course, I did, and I was also wearing shorts too.

And Lizzy and some of my other friends are like "I'm going to shave, wax, or do something to your legs."

And also while we, me, Lizzy, Diane, (Lizzy's mom) Kathy, (Lizzy's sister) and Brooke (Kathy's friend) were all in the Lizzing room, Diane was a little drunk, but we were talking, I forgot exactly what, but Lizzy left, and when she comes back, she has shaving creme, and a razor but her mom stopped her from going any further...

But also while we were talking Kathy, Lizzy and Brooke kept on bringing up a conversation they had on Thursday, and they kept saying "down there" I just looked confused so they wouldn't know that I knew what they were talking about even though I did know, but from what I picked up, I don't think Lizzy shaves, "down there".

I know it's a personal choice and all, but don't most girls shave their bikini line, either all year round, or at least in the summer time?

But I don't know what to do about it, cause I don't know if I should bring it up with Lizzy or not, because if I was a girl, and a guy, especially a boyfriend, brought it up with me, I'd feel embarrassed, and I don't want Lizzy to feel that way.

But I don't know what to do with the whole intimacy, my hair legs, and, what I'm guessing, her hairy vaginal area.

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mma
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quote:
Originally posted by footballfan993:
Well, my friend Lexi asked Lizzy stuff about our relationship and Lizzy replied, and Lexi forwarded me all of the messages, thoses going to Lizzy, as well as the ones coming back to Lexi.

Did Lizzy know that these messages were not just between her and Lexi, and that they were all being shared with you? If not, I'd say her ambivalence about trusting you is well-founded.

Also, all that aside, please realize that she very recently found out that you were exchanging sexual texts with another girl while you two were in a relationship. I's perfectly natural that she would have some reservations about trusting you. I understand that that hurts you, and your feelings are valid, but please try to understand that her feelings are also valid and in this case, based on objectively reasonable events.

It's also reasonable that after being subjected to that news, she would not be feeling particularly amorous toward you for a while.

The drunken behavior from her mom was really inappropriate. It doesn't sound like she was in a position to be supervising young people at all.

Your leg hair or lack thereof is nobody's business but your own, and you are the only one who gets to say whether anyone shaves them or not.

I would be really annoyed if somebody told me they were going to do something to my body that I didn't ask them to do. One of my best friends said that she was going to dye my hair while I slept because I have no intention of dyeing my hair when it goes gray, and I told her very firmly that it would not be welcome and she would not do that. I can't even believe someone would suggest such a thing to you!

No, not all girls/women shave any place at any time. Some shave everywhere, some shave nowhere, and some shave only certain parts of their bodies. It's all individual, and again, nobody has any say but the person who owns the parts. What "most girls" do has no relevance or bearing on the topic. It's really not helpful to try to compare yourself or others to some mythical standard of "normal," OK?

So, you said you don't know what to do with all of that; I really don't think you need to do anything with it. The only exception would be that if it makes you uncomfortable to be part of a conversation about the topic, you should speak up and say you don't want to participate in the conversation. Either they can talk about something else when you're around, or you can excuse yourself for the duration of the conversation. Either is a very reasonable course of action.

You sound like someone who really wants to get to a healthy interpersonal interaction place. If you get started working with a counselor, may I suggest asking him or her to help you learn about appropriate boundaries? It seems like a lot of the conflicts that you are encountering at home, with your girlfriend, with her family, and with your school mates stem from an incomplete understanding of how to respect boundaries. It's not your fault that you are having a hard time seeing and respecting those of others, because you haven't had anyone to show you how they work; it's fairly often that yours are not being respected, so how are you supposed to learn to pattern anything else? But I'm here to prove that healthy boundary behavior can be learned, if you're willing to commit to learning and practicing it.

As always, I wish you only the very best. [Big Grin]

--------------------
http://www.safeplace.org

1-800-799-SAFE (7233)
http://www.ndvh.org

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Djuna
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I've just taken a while to read through all the posts above - I'm sorry to hear you're having such a hard time, Tyler, especially at school and with your family. I agree, I think it would be a good thing to contact the child service people Heather mentioned, so that your living situation can improve some. You don't have to just put up with hurtful comments like that.

One thing I noticed is that despite the fact that in just a month, you've raised your grades from a 1.8 to a 2.3, you're still getting unfair comments about them. It's not OK for parents to call their child 'stupid' no matter what their grades are, period, but I think you've clearly been working hard this month to get up to a C+ (right? I don't really understand GPA...), and you deserve some serious props for that. [Smile]

--------------------
“In a strange room, before you are emptied for sleep, what are you. And when you are filled with sleep you never were. I don’t know what I am. I don’t know if I am or not... how often have I lain beneath rain on a strange roof, thinking of home.”

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peterg
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ok, so I'm an active user on Facebook, Twitter, and Myspace...

And I regually use those sites to vent my feelings towards my family, etc, ISo I will post if I am mad, happy, sad, who I hate, etc. And I tend to use a lot of explicits in my postings, to enhance the way I'm feeling.

Sure some people get annoyed and tell me to stop, but I simply reply stating that it's my constitutional right to say as I please, and that I am not forcing them to read it, and that if they so please to do, they can delete me from their friends list.

I have also, over the course of the year, blocked some people from seeing my posts, such as my family, and some of our shared friends that me and my family may have.

Well, now someone off of facebook, contacted my parents via facebook to address this issue, since my parnets never saw it due to me blocking them from viewing my postings.

Well, now they will talk to me about it, which I will probably end up being grounded for.

But I state to them, how I truly feel about them, because I don't think they realize what has happened over the course of the year with everything, and how it has effected me personally.

And I'm also think about finally talking to a social worker from the child and family serices.

and I will also raise my social secruity by deleting my internet history, saved passwords, putting locks on anything and everything they might be able to access within my computer. I will also lock up all of my valubale possesions.

I don't know what will become of all of this, I might move away (foster care) and even if I did go into foster care, it really wouldn't be that bad, casue I'll only be in the system for about a year since I'l turning 17 in august. Or I hope that when we talk, that afterward, that things might get better, but I see that as highly unlikely to happen, as I have talked, fought, and even ranaway, and that didn't help either.

Thanks again for everything you've done to help me. I personally think this site has been the most helpful site I've been on in my life, as it is real people answering any and all questions, and everythings real time too, you don't have a selected number of questions and/or answers to pick from. Thank you all Scarleteen users. [Smile]

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mma
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Well, in case it wasn't crystal clear already, we do care a lot about you and what happens to you.

I'm glad that you've taken steps to be more secure online. That's a really good practice. That said, when it comes to sites like that (unlike this one, for example, where you can be reasonably anonymous), it's probably a good idea not to post something that you wouldn't want to appear on the front page of the newspaper. Sometimes those sites change things that result in our private things becoming public without our knowledge, and then we can be in a world of hurt.

I'd like to encourage you to talk to that social worker. I really don't see how it could hurt. You can make it clear to them that you need your parents not to find out that you talked to them unless they remove you from your home, for safety reasons. Believe me, it's not the first time they've heard that.

I don't know what will become of it either. But I do know that even if you end up being in a living arrangement that isn't the most fun, but it's healthy and you learn how to become a healthy, functioning person, then you can make your life better and shape it the way you want it to come out when you get out on your own. Right now, you are a little bit dragged down by your family's unhealthy dynamic and I worry that you might not be able to reach your full potential as a human being as readily.

To put it concretely, it can be a real drag to leave behind important personal possessions, locations, people, and activities-- I know firsthand. Being away from my sisters and boyfriend (who's now my husband; if it's meant to be, it'll be) was really hard and there were times that I probably didn't make the best choices in order to try to get close to them again. But sometimes the best thing is to bite the bullet and live with the short-term deprivation and discomfort/loneliness, knowing that the payoff will come later when you're on your own and calling the shots.

I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you. Take care of yourself!

--------------------
http://www.safeplace.org

1-800-799-SAFE (7233)
http://www.ndvh.org

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peterg
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ok, ya, I just recently changed/updated my security settings on all of my websites, facebook, twitter, etc. And I deleted unused accounts, and unneeded friends. I also double checked to make sure my family was blocked from viewing my postings. As I don't want them to.

But we are suppose to talk tonight about it, and kowing my parnets, I'll get grounded, no phone, no tv, no computer, and no hanging out with friends or Lizzy, which sucks because Lizzy and I don't really get to see each other as it is due to distance.

I really hope that things will start to get better after we talk, but if it doesn't then I will certainly talk to a social worker. I also have the phone numbers in my phonejust in case, and I'm sure Lizzy's family would be able to take me in for a bit if needed.

I have a password on my phone, so that no one can access it, but me.

The good thing about my age though is that I only have about a year left til I'm able to live out on my own, but the thing that sucks about that, is that I'll be 18 before I start my senior year of high school, and I don't know if I'd be financially ready to live on my own...

I'll just have to wait and see how everything unfolds.

Thanks again for everything, I really appreciate it. [Smile]

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peterg
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I know that Heather gave me the number to the SAFE Haven of Racine, as well as my local YMCA. Which I have programmed into my phone just in case it's needed...

But is there anywhere that I can go that is close to home? My zip code is 53147. Thanks.

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Heather
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When I looked, those places were as close to you as I could find.

However, if you have some kind of local community center, if there are other youth shelters that are not listed online, they should have their names and addresses.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Djuna
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Do you have access to any public transportation near where you are? Is that something you'd like help finding out about? I get the impression that the logistics of getting to Racine are a big part of the problem.

--------------------
“In a strange room, before you are emptied for sleep, what are you. And when you are filled with sleep you never were. I don’t know what I am. I don’t know if I am or not... how often have I lain beneath rain on a strange roof, thinking of home.”

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peterg
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ok, so sorry it's been awhile since I've been on here, but I got grounded, why? cause my parents found out that I've been posting things online such as "I hate my family". I'll tell you everything that went down that night, it wasa about the first week of july, and my parents came in my room to talk to me. and then they told me that they found outthat I've been posting this stuff. And lets say they weren't happy.

I told them time and time again that I don't like my home live because of them because of the stuff they say about me, like how I'm stupid, gay, etc, which none of that is true.

I tried to runaway again, but my dad held me down. I accedentaly broke a couple of his ribs with my head as I was trying to free myself from his grasp, he had my head pinned between my bed, and his chest and I squrimed out, and then he had me in a headlock, at which then I put my head in his side to attempt to free myself completely, and then "crack" his ribs broke. Am I sorry for it, a little, did he deserve it, I say so, because he held me against my will, and I wanted to be free and get away. I also threatened him about calling child services, although I never did.

As for me and Lizzy, we are over and done. she broke up with me on the 29th. her reason was that we "really don't get to see each other" it took me awhile to accept the fact. I kinda saw it coming though, cause for a couple of weeks before the break up she felt down, and I tried to cheer her up with flowers and chocolate but that didn't work. But i kinda like being single cause you can flirt with anyone.

the other night, I called a friend, and she started to masturbate while I was talking to her, it was kinda fun, and turned me on, idk if that's anything bad at all. And also another friend of mine has been sending me pics of her in her underwear and swimsuit. Is this at all illegal, we are both under the age of 18. should I be worried by doing this?

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Heather
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Tyler: have you yet called/contacted the department of children and family services? If not, that really, truly is the step you need to take here. We've said this many times now, and that really is all we can do in a situation like this. Clearly, some of the abuse in your family is escalating, so I can't encourage you to make that contact enough.

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peterg
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No I have not. idk why either, I really want to, but I guess I just don't have it in me [Frown] I have a hard time of hurting people.

And I now feel really really hate myself, why? Because ever since Lizzy broke up with me, I've been flirting with some of my friends through texting. and I would ask them for pics of themselves and they would send them. the pics were pics of them either in swimming suits clothes, or a bra and panties. But just yesterday and today, I was flirting with one of my friends from Missouri and she sent me several pics of her in her bra and panties, and we would call each other "babe", and say "I love you" and how much we wanted to do sexual things with each other. But my main problem is that she (Melissa) is only 13 years old, and going to go into 8th grade, and I'm 17 and going to junior in high school. I finally realized this after she brought it up with me tonight. I just feel really bad, like a sex offender, rapist, or pornographer. And I feel even worse because Melissa is so young, and because of my "sexting" incident last summer.

It seems like everytime I'm single, I turn into a sex craving monster. And I don't want to be known as a creep or sex offender, etc. and i don't know what to do, or who to talk to, cause if I go to the police, my parents will be really mad at me, and if I tell them, they'll still be mad at me.

And on wednsday night I called a girl I had met on xbox live, and as we were talking she started to masturbate. Is any of this stuff illegal? cause I really don't want to get in trouble again. [Frown] and all of these girls, and under 18, and so am I... I just feel really bad, and I honestly don't know what to do, casue I've alreday screwed up last summer, with my cyber cheating, this summer with the whole online, "I hate my family stuff", and now this. I just don't know what to do, or who to turn to anymore.

And I want to keep the little good reputation that I may still have left. but I don't know how, and I just feel really bad for what I've done these past 2 years, the "Sexting", cyber cheating, the online "I hate my family" stuff, this new "sexting" if it is that, cause they all still had their pubic areas covered. idk anymore

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Heather
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When people in abusive or dangerous situations call on people like DCFS or the police, it's not about hurting anyone. It's about protecting someone and getting sound intervention.

I'm sure I have said this before, but I really think that you would benefit both from that intervention and from some in-person counseling and support. It's a bit tough to help you out much here, because I feel like at the core of a lot of what troubles you is an unhealthy home setting that is going to need to change -- either by the setting changing, or by you being placed elsewhere where it is safe and sound -- before anything you do peripherally has much result.

However, I also think you need to please remember that per the law as it stands right now in the US, minors asking for (and getting) or sending out sexual photos is classed as child pornography, and is something that could seriously mess up your life or the lives of others if you get caught and are charged. because it is also legally classed as illegal, it's not something per our policies we can talk with you about much. So, my best advice is for you to perhaps just change your phone service so you can't get or send photos if you feel like this isn't something you can keep yourself from doing.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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peterg
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Thanks Heather, and I'll talk to the police or DCFS soon, and as for the pics, I did delete them all, every last one.
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peterg
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ok, so, this morning, I woke up and discovered a red bump by my pubic area as I was urinating, and I don't know what it's from, I did shave my pubic hair, to help support one of my girl friends cause it was her first time shaving her pubic hair too, but I shaved my pubic hair over a month ago, could it be an ingrown hair? And I also did masturbate last night, if that has to do anything with it, I just want to know what this red bump is from.
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Karybu
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Masturbation isn't likely to have caused this - it could be a pimple or an ingrown hair. You can try some hot compresses (a washcloth soaked in warm water held on the area) which may help it open up if it's either a pimple or ingrown hair. If it doesn't go away in a few days though, it would be a good idea to check in with a healthcare provider.

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"Another world is not only possible, she is on her way. On a quiet day, I can hear her breathing." -Arundhati Roy

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peterg
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ok, I'll try that, and watch it within the next couple of days and see what happens, thanks.
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peterg
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well, I tried the hot compresses on the bump, and it did work, it opened up a little, but it did start to bleed, if that's normal with ingrown hairs.
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peterg
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Well, the bump that I had on my pubic area is now gone.

And as of yesterday, I've been single for a whole month. And I've started to flirt with girls I know.

But yesterday, Lizzy was texting me, indirectly, through one of her friends, ryan. And what "she" asked me, through ryan, was what my sexuality was. and I replied "I'm straight, why do you want to know?" and ryan said "someone whose name won't be mentioned did't believe you could be straight." And I just automatically knew it had to be Lizzy doing this indirectly.

But the thing that I don't get is why would she think that? I mean sure, a lot of my friends are girls, I'm sensitive, I'm nice, I treat girls with respect, I show up randomly with flowers, I show chivarly to girls, I wouldn't hurt them, etc. and I've only done sexual things with girls, and I've only dated girls. Also me and Lizzy were dating for 10 months and after all of that she thinks I'm gay? Ya I could see how some stranger could think I'm gay, but my friend, and my ex girlfriend to think that about me?! It just kinda really makes me mad/sad that someone especially Lizzy to think that I'd be gay. I don't even know how she got the very thought of me being gay.

But w/e I know I'm straight, and it's her loss that she broke up with me anyways.

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peterg
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Well, today was the first day for school for the freshmen, which I had to go to as well, although I'm a junior, I had to go to help out a freshman who broke his leg.

And, the bump that I had on my pubic area is now gone.

And, I've been single for a little over a month. And I've started to flirt with girls I know.

But the other night, Lizzy was texting me, indirectly, through one of her friends, ryan. And what "she" asked me, through ryan, was what my sexuality was. and I replied "I'm straight, why do you want to know?" and ryan said "someone whose name won't be mentioned did't believe you could be straight." And I just automatically knew it had to be Lizzy doing this indirectly.

But the thing that I don't get is why would she think that? I mean sure, a lot of my friends are girls, I'm sensitive, I'm nice, I treat girls with respect, I show up randomly with flowers, I show chivarly to girls, I wouldn't hurt them, etc. and I've only done sexual things with girls, and I've only dated girls. Also me and Lizzy were dating for 10 months and after all of that she thinks I'm gay?

Ya I could see how some stranger could think I'm gay, but my friend, and my ex girlfriend to think that about me?! It just kinda really makes me mad/sad that someone especially Lizzy to think that I'd be gay. I don't even know how she got the very thought of me being gay.

But w/e I know I'm straight, and it's her loss that she broke up with me anyways.

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peterg
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Today was my first day of classes, and now we have a four day weekend [Smile]

And as for new stuff going on in my life... the bump that I had on my pubic area is now gone.

And, I've been single for a little over a month. And I've started to flirt with girls I know.

But the other night, Lizzy was texting me, indirectly, through one of her friends, ryan. And what "she" asked me, through ryan, was what my sexuality was. and I replied "I'm straight, why do you want to know?" and ryan said "someone whose name won't be mentioned did't believe you could be straight." And I just automatically knew it had to be Lizzy doing this indirectly.

But the thing that I don't get is why would she think that? I mean sure, a lot of my friends are girls, I'm sensitive, I'm nice, I treat girls with respect, I show up randomly with flowers, I show chivarly to girls, I wouldn't hurt them, etc. and I've only done sexual things with girls, and I've only dated girls. Also me and Lizzy were dating for 10 months and after all of that she thinks I'm gay?

Ya I could see how some stranger could think I'm gay, but my friend, and my ex girlfriend to think that about me?! It just kinda really makes me mad/sad that someone especially Lizzy to think that I'd be gay. I don't even know how she got the very thought of me being gay.

But w/e I know I'm straight, and it's her loss that she broke up with me anyways.

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Heather
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It's a bit tough to respond to this because I don't think there's anything bad or insulting about someone thinking or suggesting someone is gay, lesbian or bisexual, just like I wouldn't think there was anything bad or insulting about someone thinking or suggesting someone is straight.

Why does it make you mad to think someone would (if they even do, rather than trying to get a rise out of you) think that about you?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Carpe Diem
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Also, you don’t know for sure whether it was Lizzy who said that to your friend, you just stated that you thought it was her, and that is not proof positive by a long shot.

However, I am also curious why you get so upset at the idea of someone else thinking/saying that. Just so you know, there is absolutely nothing wrong with being, for example, gay, lesbian, bisexual, trans, queer *or* straight.

I’ve been following this thread and it seems to me that a common theme is your preoccupation with the thought that others may be questioning your sexual identity. Do you know why this is such a trigger for you?

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"Find a place inside where there's joy, and the joy will burn out the pain."
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naplement
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a little thing i'd like to add:

I know someone who was really ashamed of being left-handed, because she was bullied for it, so I think that people can turn anything into an insult, and it isn't the fault of the bullied to get touchy about these things. (I read that left-handed-ness was historically tought to be correlated with gayness, but her bullies haven't even believed in this theory: being left-handed was just "WRONG".)

in the same time I really understand why this hurts queer people, too.

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peterg
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well, it's not that I'm queer naplement and HappyBunny123. I'm 100% straight.

But it just got me upset because I'm straight, and Lizzy, my ex girlfriend thought that I was gay, after we had just gotten out of a 10 month relationship. I just kinda got upset becuase it was Lizzy, my ex girlfriend of all the people in the world to ask me that. I just idk, it's hard to say, but I just wouldn't think she'd think I'd be gay becuase we've dated for so long.

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