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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sex Basics and Sexual Health » Two problems. /:

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Author Topic: Two problems. /:
Member # 44996

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My boyfriend and I have been sexually active together for five months now. As with any couple, we have had not-so-great moments with sex. We also have a bit of an issue because he's well-endowed (both in length and width) and the opening to my vagina is a bit smaller than average (as stated by my doctor). We've managed to work with that though and for the most part, our sex life has been satisfying for both of us. However, recently we have developed two problems.

The first is that I'm getting sore really quickly during intercourse. It usually hurts a little at first, I think because of the size issue I mentioned, but once we get going, it starts to feel great and I'm fine. Lately though, it hurts at first, will feel good for a few seconds, and then start hurting again. I don't know how to describe the feeling, I guess it sort of feels like I'm being rubbed raw.

I've been trying to think about possible reasons for the soreness. I'm on the pill and I know that can make it difficult for some women to get wet and stay wet, but we have been using lube since pretty early on in our sex life and that has not changed recently. I don't think I have a urinary tract infection or a yeast infection because I don't have any symptoms of either. I feel comfortable ruling out any STDs because he is the only guy I have had sex with, and he not only insisted on wearing condoms with the other girls he's been with but he has also been tested by army doctors when he enlisted so I know he's clean. Is there something I'm missing?

Okay, now for the second problem.. lately, my boyfriend has been ejaculating prematurely. He used to be able to last for 10-15 minutes, but now he's finishing after just a few minutes. This has not been an issue for us until just recently (aside from the occasional occurrence, but I'm pretty sure it happens to every guy every once in a while). I know he's been a little extra-stressed.. could this be the cause of the problem? I was thinking it could also be the fact that he knows it's been hurting me so he's getting anxious about it.

I don't know what to do. /: This whole thing is very upsetting to me. I love making love with him and I feel like I can't do that anymore. He keeps telling me "it's okay", "sex isn't everything", "we don't have to have sex." I know he's just trying to make me feel better and that it's actually bothering him to, but to me, it's not okay at all. I realize sex isn't everything, but like I said, I want to be able to make love with the man I love. And I know we don't HAVE to have sex, but I WANT to and I know he does too.

This is so frustrating, please help! /:

Posts: 8 | From: USA | Registered: Dec 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 45735

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i cant really answer everything , but maybe you are getting less aroused during sex ? do you feel fully aroused during sex?

You do know that intercourse is not the only "sex" you can have.

Posts: 92 | From: las vegas | Registered: Feb 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Can we first recognize that intercourse is only one KIND of sex or making love?

In other words, even when that's not happening for either of you, or one or both of you needs to stop that activity, or your bodies are done in some way so it can't continue, y'all can still have sex. Just not whatever kind either requires an erection or doesn't feel good to your body because it's sore.

With the soreness, when you're starting intercourse at any given time, are you only doing so when you're already very aroused, have engaged in other activities, maybe even had an orgasm already first? Are you adding lube as you need to?

With his issue, it may or may not be that there is a problem at all. Statistically speaking, many, many men reach orgasm within just a few minutes of intercourse. So, it may be he's stressed or something, but it may also be that now that you two are getting in the groove with intercourse, he's reaching orgasm more quickly. If he does more quickly than he'd like, and both of you don't feel done with sex, you can always continue with other activities, and then resume intercourse again if and when he gets another erection.

[ 02-22-2010, 11:13 AM: Message edited by: Heather ]

Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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