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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sex Basics and Sexual Health » Under pressure

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Author Topic: Under pressure
Member # 42534

Icon 11 posted      Profile for Tabitha     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
My boyfriend and I have been going out for over a year. We began having sex around 2 months ago, before which I went on the injection and we use condoms too.
While I know even having 2 methods isn't 100% safe - I can deal with that, pregnancy really isn't something I want right now. So if for some reason we don't have a condom handy, I just don't feel comfortable doing anything.
My boyfriend doesn't like this. He keeps trying to persuade me into having sex - saying there was no point in having the injection if I'm never going to trust it, etc. It's frustrating and a little hurtful to hear him say this stuff. I feel really pressured.
Am I right to want to use two methods all the time, or am I just paranoid, should I give it a chance? Just how safe is the injection?

"Gnomes! Capture the squirrel!"

Posts: 7 | From: My head | Registered: Apr 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Your boyfriend isn't the person who can become pregnant. When it comes to these choices, any partner needs to privilege what the person who can become pregnant feels THEY need.

As well, the injection (which is safe for good candidates, though if you're under 20 or so, you should be sure you're taking a calcium supplement) doesn't protect you from sexually transmitted infections.

AND, anyone gets to have limits and boundaries in sex. If you are only comfortable using both Depo and injections, your boyfriend needs to accept that, not argue with you about it. If he doesn't like having a partner who requires condoms, then the onus is on him to not choose you as a partner (however, especially as he gets older, it's going to be tougher for him to find partners who won't ask for that safety, so).

Have you made clear to him that you feel pressured, that he needs to accept your limits and boundaries, and that when it comes to pregnancy, until he can become pregnant, he needs to defer to you?

Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 45250

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My two cents from a male point of view:

I totally agree with Heather that you have every right to insist on a condom since you are the one that has to deal with any unwanted pregnancy.
You need to make it quite plain to him that no condom = no penetration. In an ideal world he should have his own stash, but it obviously wouldn't hurt for you to keep some on hand so you're never tempted to have sex without a condom because you didn't have any around.
As an alternative or in addition to, may I suggest some non-penetrative activities such as mutual masturbation and cunnulingus/handjob/blowjobs? Assuming he has had a clear STD check recently those activities have a negligible pregnancy risk providing there is NO penetration and any semen is cleaned up with a wet wipe.

Posts: 10 | From: Sydney, Australia | Registered: Jan 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 42534

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I've made it clear we have to use condoms, we talk about it together a lot. I want to compromise on something, we're both in this relationship, and while my needs are important I want to make it clear to him I want to meet his as well. Could thinner condoms be an option? I know they're more sensitive, and sensitivity is an issue for him.

"Gnomes! Capture the squirrel!"

Posts: 7 | From: My head | Registered: Apr 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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