Hey - hope I'm posting in the right place. I just wanted to post to get some general advice regarding a new relationship.
I'm 19 and three weeks ago, I got together with a guy (21 yrs) who I have been good friends with for about a year. This is the first relationship I have had and I've never felt as trusting and comfortable with anyone as much as with him.
We have talked a lot about sex and he has assured me that we can take things as slowly as I like. He's not pushy at all and whenever we're together he's always asking if things are too fast.
I'm a virgin, whereas he has a lot of past experience. This doesn't bother him, and his colourful past doesn't bother me, but I sometimes feel like I'm making him wait around and being a tease, but he's assured me that he doesn't feel that way and that I'm worth waiting for, however long I need.
We've enjoyed some sexual contact - touching (over and under clothes), making out etc, and I'd like to take things a *little* further in the not-too-distant future. Before things progress any further, however, I really want for us to go for a full sexual health screening, to make sure we're both fit, healthy and okay to go. I think our physical relationship has progressed to an extent where this is needed.
The thing is - I don't think his previous partners have insisted on this so it's probably not occured to him.
I want to bring this up, but I'm unsure how and just wondered if anyone had any tips or advice.
I wouldn't even know where to go to get screened, or how to go about it. Just FYI, I'm in the UK.
Getting tested is a really good idea and a good habit to get into. What you've said here is really all you need to say:
quote:"We've enjoyed some sexual contact - touching (over and under clothes), making out etc, and I'd like to take things a *little* further in the not-too-distant future. Before things progress any further, however, I really want for us to go for a full sexual health screening, to make sure we're both fit, healthy and okay to go. I think our physical relationship has progressed to an extent where this is needed."
Luckily in the UK, testing is usually pretty accessible. There are independent charities and organisations that provide testing but if you want a full screening you can get that at a GUM Clinic (Genitourinary Medicine) or Sexual Health Clinic. Usually they are in an accessible part of larger hospitals, or on their own in residential communities.
When I used that search for my postcode I got a LOT of results, which provided various levels of testing, but then again i live in a pretty big city. If it does look a blur to you can always google, "GUM Clinic" and the name of your nearest town/hospital, to get access to a GUM clinic specifically.
Whether you'll need to make an appointment depends on the individual department; some provide walk-in services, others require you to make an appointment, but either way you'll be seen very quickly.
It seemed to me that at times you see your boyfriend as simply tolerating your needs. It's so important to remember you've done nothing wrong and are no irritation that requires toleration or forgiveness. I'm really spinning off my own thoughts when i read Immodest Proposal by Heather... where it goes a lot more into depth with what I mean here... but essentially asking for what you want in your relationship, ie STI screning, may be a lot better as an immodest proposal. It could be really good both for you and your boyfriend to think about this stuff as I'm sure from what you've said you both care about each other and are doing what you can for eachother, it can pay off so much to build on that and extend it.
You seem very aware of what you want in terms of sexual testing. Which isn't something you need to rephrase.
That's not weird at all - you may not be able to get appointments at the same time, but if you ask the clinic they should be able to find two appointments fairly close together. You can even make a date out of it; get tested and then go for coffee and see a movie, or go out for lunch, whatever!
-------------------- "Another world is not only possible, she is on her way. On a quiet day, I can hear her breathing." -Arundhati Roy Posts: 5329 | From: Canada/Australia | Registered: Sep 2004
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