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» Got Questions? Get Answers. » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sex Basics and Sexual Health » Sudden pain during intercourse? Help?!

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Author Topic: Sudden pain during intercourse? Help?!
Skyla
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My boyfriend and I lost our virginities to each other at the beginning of November 2008, and for about two weeks we were making love almost everyday (or even three times a day). Everything seemed fine, and it never hurt except for the first time. Even the first time it only bled a very small amount.
Then, we took a break for about two or three weeks, and didn't have sex. Early december we tried again, but for some reason the pain was intolerable for me. It hurt upon entry, but as it went on, it felt like it was stabbing. We stopped, and I thought I may not have been aroused enough (we jumped into it, really). I saw my gyno and he said that I just needed to relax, use lube, and practice. I had a regular PAP test, but for some reason, even that hurt me. It felt like I was being forcefully stretched open! Everything came out normal, though, I don't have a UTI or any STI, so I assumed sex would be fine again.
We tried again a week ago, and right from the very beginning we had to stop. It felt like I was being painfully ripped open, and it felt dry, despite my state of arousal! We didn't use lube, but we had lubricated condoms.

Is there anything I can do to fix this? Sometimes it even hurts me if I masturbate!

-October 11th I also went on the depro-shot; could that have anything to do with this?
-I'm also unable to use normal pads because I get horrible rashes; I have to use Naturapads or whatnot. Could that mean I'm overly sensitive or something?

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Heather
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When you're having intercourse or masturbating now, are you being sure you are VERY worked up -- highly excited -- before any kind of vaginal entry, and also have engaged in plenty of other activity that is NOT about vaginal entry beforehand?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Skyla
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The first times (like, those two weeks), I was positive about being incredibly worked up. Both him and I noticed that I was highly aroused, and quite frankly er..."moist".
But for some reason, the times that have been more painful for us, I wasn't as aroused. I mean, I mentally am but physically my body doesn't seem to be lubricating itself properly. I'm pretty sure that's why it hurt so much the first time we did it after the big "drought".

Now, it seems like my body is starting to lube itself up more, as my boyfriend remarked, but I'm still worried about painful sex. It almost kind of hurts when I feel a little aroused (like, a pulsing feeling). My doctor also told me I tore a ligament down there (near my ovaries, apparently).

About foreplay, we have been doing nothing but that for the last little while. It is mostly me doing a lot for him, since he finishes first (&I never with him), and the depro shot has made my period last for 3 weeks, so he hasn't been able to reciprocate.

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Heather
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Well, if you're using a hormonal BC method, vaginal dryness is a pretty common side effect. It also sounds like, if your vulva seems to kind of be sucking up the lube, it might not be a bad idea for you to use a vaginal moisturizer/lubricant as part of your daily routine, even when you're not going to be sexual.

Too, you might find that a silicone-based lube is better for you than a water-based one.

It also sounds like most of the other sexual activities you're doing are about his body, rather than yours. That is often going to present a problem.

So, how about trying one of those daily lubes just for your comfort, and then the next few times, being sure that a) you ONLY have intercourse when it's what you really want, when you are very aroused, and only after you have had PLENTY of stimulation FOR you from other kinds of activities. I'd say those are the next steps, and see how those go.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Skyla
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Thanks so much, Heather!
You've really helped clear up on a lot of worries/stress/problems that I've had for a few months!
Just on a side note, I just realized that I think I'll be telling him to be just a little less rough. O_O I know he doesn't mean to be, but just in case...!
Thanks again Heather!

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Heather
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Well, for sure: if he's not being very gradual or is being too aggressive, that's going to also make it far more likely you'll have pain or discomfort.

Sometimes, some male partners aren't at a point in their learning curve with intercourse where they know HOW to think about it and enjoy it at the same time. But often it's not that complex to learn, and has a lot to do with partners just voicing that that needs to happen.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Skyla
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Okay, so, things are a little better, and at least now I can kind of localize my pain.
We did what you suggested, and things went really well, I think. We took it really slow, and it seems like my body is coming back from the effects of the depro shot.
The only thing is that I noticed that the pain seems to be coming from the back of my vaginal opening. Could my hymen not be properly torn? Also, it feels like the front of my vaginal canal (the more spongy muscle-y part) is almost putting up resistance. Not spasming or anything, but just not relaxing!
Anyways, we'll still take it from here and see where it goes.
Thanks again!

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