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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sex Basics and Sexual Health » Difficulty with orgasm

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Author Topic: Difficulty with orgasm
Member # 41617

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I am a 21 year old female. I have been with my boyfriend for almost two years and we are very much in love.I have never had problems reaching orgasm during sexual intercourse with him, until about 4 or 5 months ago - suddenly I find it very hard and it is frustrating for us both. There are no changes in our relationship since then, if anything we are closer and more comfortable in our relationship than ever.
The thing is, during the summer (around the time I started to have these issues) I started experimenting with masturbation and I find it really easy to get myself off. Sometimes I just think I failed to orgasm once or twice in a row and started feeling pressure to come the next time, I'm aware that for it to happen you need to be relaxed and I can feel myself tensing up becuase of this pressure. But also I'm sure the fact that I have started to achieve orgasm without my partner is linked to the fact that I cannot reach it with him. Is this common? Is the answer to just stop masturbating? Anyone else ever had this problem?

Posts: 1 | From: U.K | Registered: Dec 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Jase Watson
Member # 39090

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Well, first off, you need to understand that getting frustrated about this is going to make things more complicated. Most of the time, I see that when this problem occurs and the couple is close together, it could be related to outside stress or worries that are in the back of your mind, and make it hard for you to completely relax and achieve orgasm. I would suggest you try to relax. Try lighting some candles and setting a peaceful atmosphere. If that dose not work, then try to go on a mini-vacation somewhere other than a place that you are used to that also has a relaxing atmosphere. Hope things get better for both of you [Smile]

- Jase Watson

Posts: 58 | From: San Diego, CA | Registered: Jun 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Please understand that it is totally common for people to have periods of time when their libido is lower, or when orgasm just isn't happening. That can be influenced from so many things, from chemical changes in your body to what's going on in your life or relationship, identity issues, diet, sleeping patterns, the works.

But if you are still getting off by yourself, and are still feeling a real drive to have sex, have you tried incorporating your masturbation INTO your partnered sex? It may just be that now that you're used to more direct stimulation, that's the thing you need.

Bear in mind, too, that when it comes to sex, one given thing that "works" for a while can shift sometimes, where you then find that thing doesn't, but something else does.

Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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