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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sex Basics and Sexual Health » please help

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Author Topic: please help
Member # 40345

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ok I have had sex with my boyfriend three times.
I always seem to the one that "gives up" I cant go as long as he can and I feel horrible we have gone 2 and a half hours and still he says he isnt close to being done....

also he wants me to be on top but I suck at it. I know I do..he is just to nice to tell me. Someone help me.

Tara Jordan

Posts: 1 | From: illinios | Registered: Sep 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Executive Director & Founder
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Two and a half hours is a loooooooooong time to be only doing intercourse. It isn't reasonable to expect any partner to go on with that one activity for so long. And if and when you do, often that much friction for so long tends to have the effect of making it all less stimulating for everyone involved while at the same time rubbing your genitals raw.

Sounds to me like your boyfriend needs to toss in the towel -- at least when it comes to intercourse, if not sex, depending -- way before he is. I'd say if he's not reaching orgasm within a half hour or so, more intercourse isn't likely to make it happen.

So, can you two perhaps talk about not putting so much pressure on each other to make orgasm happen with intercourse when it's clearly just not yet? And then perhaps experiment more without feeling like you have to accomplish something?

[ 09-22-2008, 09:29 PM: Message edited by: Heather ]

Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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That is so long to have sex! Wow, I though my guy went for a long time ( 30-60 minutes).

It can be stressful having sex with a new partner or for the first few times. You feel awkward and don't know what to expect. It is OKAY for you to say 'we need to stop' at any time. If you start feeling raw, or irritated in your genitals or just because you're not experiencing much pleasure anymore from that sexual act it is better for you to communicate this with your partner.

Don't feel bad, if you guys are honest, open and willing to talk it out without getting your feelings hurt because of expectations that aren't matching up in real life, it will get better. When it feels good say so, when it isn't feeling as good or feels bad say so, for both of you. Try doing different sexual acts. When I get tired or my genitals get irritated from having sex my partner and I stop that and do something else, like oral sex, manual sex, even cuddling and massages are nice.

'Finishing' shouldn't be yours or his first concern, it should be having an enjoyable time together. If you both get your heads fixed on these expectations that something has to happen or your sex didn't go right, you're probably going to be very stressed. Sex can be nice without orgasm, especially if you're not having anxiety in your head about getting to orgasm.

Let it flow naturally, don't get hung up on preconcieved notions and change or stop sex acts if one of you feels like it. Have a sense of humor and flexibility, and with practice and communications things should get better.

Posts: 70 | From: Fullerton, CA, USA | Registered: Jul 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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