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» Got Questions? Get Answers. » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sex Basics and Sexual Health » No orgasms

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Author Topic: No orgasms
Houston46
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I've been having problems having orgasms with my boyfriend.
I've always had kind of a specific way of getting off by myself, by just putting my legs together and pulsing, and I can always get off that way, whether my boyfriend's with me or not. I can also get off by riding his leg or having him ride me with his leg. It sounds weird, I know, but it's just what works for me.

He has been able to get me off with manual and oral sex the normal way, but it's much more difficult, and has only happened several times. Sometimes that's because I can't concentrate because I feel like he's uncomfortable or getting tired out, but I think my body just responds better to the indirect stimulation that I get from my legs or his leg.

I've never gotten off when we have actual sex. It always feels really good, and it's not a matter of me not being aroused enough, it's just that we haven't found a position that works.

The only position I've ever gotten off with (this was with my last boyfriend) is me on top, with our bodies parallel, so I'm laying on top of him. This position is just really uncomfortable, with the way my boyfriend's penis is angled, so we can't really try this one.

So what do I do? I really love our sex life outside of this, and we experiment a lot and are really creative in other ways. I just wish I could find a way to actually have orgasms with him.

Posts: 27 | From: Suburbia | Registered: May 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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But you say that you ARE having orgasms with him, right?

For instance, like by riding his leg (which, by the way, is not at all weird, and, in fact, frottage or tribadism -- which is what that is called -- is an incredibly common sexual activity among women), or via oral or manual sex. I'd be willing to bet iof the manual sex was more about pressure on your whole vulva from his whole palm, you could likely orgasm that way, too, given the sounds of things.

All of these things ARE actual sex. Intercourse is also actual sex, but it's a kind of sex only a minority of women reach orgasm through.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68255 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Houston46
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Okay, I see your point. I DO have orgasms with him, yes. I guess I should realize that everybody's different and everybody gets orgasms in different ways.

But does this mean I should just accept that I won't have orgasms during vaginal sex with him? I just feel like even though I do enjoy it a lot, it would be a whole lot more fun if I could orgasm at least some of the time.

Posts: 27 | From: Suburbia | Registered: May 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
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Well, you could do what most couples do where women reach orgasm with intercourse which is to incorporate other sexual activities which DO result in orgasm for you, either before, during or after. It can also be helpful to just realize that for some women, or sometimes, the idea of every other activity as foreplay for intercourse is backwards: for some women, or for some sometimes, it's actually best as foreplay before other sexual activities which result in orgasm.

Here's some extra info on this for you: The Great No-Orgasm-from-Intercourse Conundrum.

[ 07-24-2008, 02:41 PM: Message edited by: Heather ]

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68255 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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