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Nailo
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Well, my boyfriend and I have definitely come a long way since we first tried vaginal penetration of any kind. Before he couldn't stick more than half a finger in, and it was very tight and painful. Now he can stick one whole finger in and it's not uncomfortable at all; I can't say it's the most arousing feeling of all, but it's... very peaceful, is how I can describe it.

The weird thing is that, even if once inside it feels that comfortable, I often feel a little prick, a bit like an insect bite, when he first tries to stick a finger in. It goes away after that, but the only time we've tried to stick two fingers in it was not successful, because he felt like he was "pushing against something". We always just supposed it was my hymen, because we always make sure I'm well aroused when we try any penetration, and we use extra lubricant most of the time, and once inside the pain goes away. But then I read in another thread that the hymen itself doesn't really hurt, that you feel pain because you're not aroused enough of you're nervous and tense up. I really don't think this is the case... so I'm confused. [Confused]

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"Love does not make itself in the desire for copulation, but in the desire for shared sleep." - The Unbearable Lightness of Being, Milan Kundera

Posts: 410 | From: Dallas, TX | Registered: Dec 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
cool87
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The hymen itself doesn't hurt because it doesn't have any nerve endings but the vaginal lining it is attached to does and therefore pressure on your hymen remnants during vaginal insertion can create some pain/discomfort in some of the cases, especially if your partner isn't going slowly at it. So is it possible that it could be due to that ? It could. Also, is your partner's fingernails short ?

May I ask where you experience the pain: is it at the entrance of your vagina ?

You also said he was pushing against something, that's a feeling that can happen with someone who has a resilient hymen so I'm wondering if you ever had a gyn exam and if that's something that had been ruled out. If not, a visit to your gyn would be a good thing to do, especially if you've ruled out already nervousness, a lack of lubrication, a lack of arousal, the works.

I'm linking to you this article in case you haven't taken a look at it before. It's about pain during intercourse but it can easily apply to any form of vaginal entry, be it with fingers, toys or penis :
From OW to WOW ! Demystifying painful intercourse

[ 10-28-2007, 03:46 PM: Message edited by: cool87 ]

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Posts: 3598 | From: Canada | Registered: Jun 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Nailo
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I've read that article several times before, and basically the only thing that applies to me from that is the previous sexual trauma; but we never start any sexual activity if I'm in one of my "iffy" periods.

My boyfriend does go very slowly, and he and I have excellent communication. The brief pain I feel is at the entrance of my vagina.

I have, indeed, had several gynecologist appointments to check the problem out, and he said my hymen was fine, as were my vagina, uterus and ovaries, as seen from the ultrasound. At that point, I had serious vaginismus, and I tensed up at the idea of him even sticking a q-tip into my vagina, but now I've relaxed much more. I guess it could still be that, but I don't feel pressure at all with one finger. The time we tried with two he kept one inside while he tried to put the other one in. If I would have tensed up, he would have felt it tightening up.

So... yeah, I don't know.

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cool87
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If it's only a brief pain, mostly just a little discomfort upon insertion near your vaginal entrance that generally goes away once insertion has ended, then I'd be willing to bet really that this might just have something to do with the pressure applied to your hymen remnants which pulls the vaginal lining it is attached to a bit during insertion. I actually experience the same thing and I've come to think that this was the likely culprit.

But of course, being tensed doesn't help much with the discomfort/pain you experience either. So that's something also to take into account.

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-Lauren-
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Were you prescribed a set of dilators to help the vaginismus, Nailo? If not, might you consider purchasing a set online? There are a few self-help programs available to women with the problem.

I purchased a set from http://vaginismus.com/ . The website makes a lot of claims and has money to make, but their set seems just as nice as the ones sold for medical usage. I've used it awhile now to help with my own problems. It cost me about 50 USD.

The thing with vaginismus is that it can recur; you might get better, then something might go wrong (like an infection or lack of lube), you feel pain, and the response starts up again. So, it's good to have therapeutic devices at hand to nip it in the bud.

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Nailo
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You know, it's weird... I asked my gynecologist about dilators, and he said that basically, fingers were about the same thing, didn't cost a thing, and since they're softer than metal, might even be more comfortable. What do you think?
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-Lauren-
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I think that overall, he's onto something. But fingers are generally rougher, and not properly shaped, as dilators are. I find that the anatomical shape is more effective and reassuring, personally. To boot, the final "full size" is generally larger than one's fingers can go, and helps in the transitioning to intercourse. They aren't the most comfortable things in the universe, but they're made to not have any give for a reason; they're actual medical devices!

If you don't have the money, though, you can certainly forego it and look for another solution. But I do recommend a set (and possibly some therapy if you feel it difficult to overcome due your abuse) to help you recover best.

What you read in another thread is that the hymen itself has no nerve endings; however, a resistant hymen can still tug on the skin it's attached to, which can cause discomfort. Did you GYN happen to mention anything about your hymen?

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cool87
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Pssst... [Smile] just as a note, I already asked her about the possibility of a resilient hymen and she said that's something that has already been ruled out by her gyn. In case you didn't see it :

quote:
I have, indeed, had several gynecologist appointments to check the problem out, and he said my hymen was fine, as were my vagina, uterus and ovaries, as seen from the ultrasound.


[ 11-01-2007, 12:37 PM: Message edited by: cool87 ]

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Niceguy09er
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My girlfriend has said the same thing when i finger her.(and sometimes when she has done it herself) so insight would be nice or maybe a clear and concise list of maybes. . . anyone?
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cool87
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Well have you read the article I linked in this thread ? If not this might be useful because it adresses some of the reasons why a women might experience pain/discomfort during penetrative sex. Some of those reasons are a lack of arousal, a lack of lubrication, not being(you or your partner) gentle enough or not having short-cut fingernails, not being in the mood for sex, etc.

Once those things has all been ruled out, then it might be worth taking a trip to a gyn to make sure there is no underlying conditions, be it vaginal, hymenal (such as a resilient hymen for example), or else which could be the culprit to the pain/incomfort a women might experience during manual sex such as fingering.

And there might also be no underlying medical issues, this might simply be because of her hymen remnants. But in this case, as I already stated it, it shouldn't be really pain, mostly just a little discomfort the way I described it above. I'd consider it like a diagnosis of exclusion : I mean I'd rule every other possible causes first.

The differential diagnosis/possible causes of the pain does tend to vary from case to case, on the caracteristics of the pain, the location, the time of apparition and disparition, what have you.

[ 11-03-2007, 10:46 AM: Message edited by: cool87 ]

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