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» Got Questions? Get Answers. » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sex Basics and Sexual Health » Every month is a new nightmare.

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Author Topic: Every month is a new nightmare.
Forever_Paranoid
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Let me begin by saying that I have been reading these boards and this site for quite some time, and they have both aided me and inspired me. This site is wonderful, so big shout out to all of you who are a part of it. =)

Now, for my rant.
Every single month I live in total terror around the time of my period. Why? Because I'm crazy, mostly. I am a "virgin." I've never had "penis-in-vagina" intercourse. My boyfriend (first and only) of 18 months and I participate in oral and manual sex, however. We are careful, and we do not allow our genitals to touch, and to put it graphically, all of his semen gets swallowed. He has had previous sexual partners, but was tested for STDs and came out clean before we ever stripped down.
As for my period? I've been having it for five years (I am 19), and it is rarely completely regular. It comes early, it comes late, it has a mind of its own.
But every single month, if it is even one day late, I am sent into a state of complete anxiety about pregnancy and remain there until I start it. I come on here and read so many messages of other girls doing the same thing I do, and no matter how many times they get a reply saying "no risk of pregnancy, calm down," I will still worry myself to death, as I am right now for the very same situation. "What if that one drop of pre-cum was sort-of-almost-kinda on his finger when he touched me?"
I've considered getting on birth control just so I will calm down. It makes me hate being a girl. I'll never be able to have sex without a breakdown, haha.

Can someone PLEASE tell me to freaking calm down, haha. It really is ridiculous that I go through this every single month, and I feel for all of you girls out there that freak out like I do.

First post ever. Thanks everyone.

Posts: 8 | From: Kentucky | Registered: Sep 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
DarkChild717
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Calm down. [Smile]

Really? It's not a worry. Unless there is direct genital contact or his fingers are dripping, then there's no risk. Really.

If you DO want to help alleviate some of your monthly stress, try using gloves or a condom for manual sex. That way, all fluids are still contained, and that may help soothe that little voice.

Also? Try book-marking What's the Risk? Easy Pregnancy Risk Assessments, so if you ever panic, you can click there and realize that you in fact have nothing to worry about. [Smile]

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Caylin, Scarleteen Volunteer
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KittenGoddess
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This may also be a big ole' neon sign that this may not be the best time for you to be participating in sexual activity of any sort.

Really dear, being sexually active in a healthy, happy relationship is an option, not a requirement. If pregnancy worries are causing you this kind of concern, the best thing to do is simply stop being active until you reach a point where you do feel comfortable!

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Sarah Liz

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Heather
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I also wanted to add that if and when it IS right for you to engage in the kinds of sex that DO present pregnancy risks that there's no reason to worry about having a nervous breakdown.

When you get to that point, you absolutely can only engage in sex with both one reliable method of birth control AND a backup method, making the risk of pregnancy really, really, unlikely.

Too, if you can get a handle on some of this anxiety, it might also help with your menstrual irregularity. And if after many years, your periods are still irregular, that's for sure something you can talk to your OB/GYN or general doctor about.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Forever_Paranoid
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Thank you all very much for responding.

I don't know, I tell myself every time my period is late, "I'm never taking my pants off again!" and when it comes I tell myself, "I'll never worry like that again!"

And Heather, I appreciate all you said. I have issues with the words "unlikely," though. I mean, I can read these posts and know that you're all right, but when it comes down to it I almost NEED a "not a snowball's chance" in order to not freak. I'm a worrier.

I know you all are right, as well, that sexual activity is not a requirement, but an option. My boyfriend does not feel this way, haha. He has told me plenty that he respects me not having intercourse (I would like to wait until marriage to go all the way), but that he cannot handle a relationship without some form of sexual activity. I know this is a wrong attitude and I've struggled with him over it for most of our relationship. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't pushed into anything I did. But now that we have been doing the manual/oral sex thing for a year, I think he'd have a duck if I told him we were going to stop.

Might have to tell him anyways, haha.

Sorry for the long post, again. Thanks a ton.

P.S. Still no period, 8 days late. =(

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Heather
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Well, it's not a "wrong attitude." I wouldn't put it that way.

To be more clear, everyone gets to have their wants and needs in any given relationship. If for your boyfriend, some kind of sex is a requirement for him in a romantic relationship, that's fair. It's not fair to expect sex from a partner all the time, or when they aren't interested, but if, over time, one partner wants a sexual relationship, and another clearly does not, that doesn't mean either person is in the wrong.

Rather, what it usually means is that those two people need to come to a decision about what kind of relationship is best for them: in a case like that, i'd say it's best to shift to a platonic friendship so that both partners CAN both seek out romantic relationships which do meet their individual needs.

But for sure, if neither partner will budge in changing the relationship when both clearly have divergent needs, then you're going to wind up with someone constantly doing (or not) doing something they need, and that's going to create very real problems that will usually erode a good relationship to nada.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Forever_Paranoid
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Well. What you say is true, Heather. My boyfriend and I just have different views on a lot of issues, some of which are included in the realm of sexual activity. I think something big is that he was my first KISS even (at almost 18, late I know)..and he's had 12 sexual partners before me. And he's been pretty shady in his previous sexual encounters. We've had a rocky relationship, and a lot of it has been sex-related. I can't tell you how many times we've broken up..

Regardless. I still haven't gotten my period. It came on the 16th last month and it's the 28th now. Kind of worried. I have a few questions regarding this.

1) I'm under the impression it isn't normal to not be regular at least most of the time after 5 years of menstruating. I'm at year 5. Cause to go see the gyno?

2) Is it generally true that vaginal discharge should decrease just before your period comes? I'm hoping so, because mine has.

3) Are we really very sure that I don't need a pregnancy test? Haha. I don't mean to be ridiculous.

I think it's time to start keeping a thorough calendar of my periods/discharge so that I can chill out.

Thanks

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Heather
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1) Well, if you haven't yet started going to the gynecologist every year PERIOD, you're well overdue. ideally, one wants to start going for some aspects of the exam when menstruation starts, but absolutely, once you become sexually active, it's once a year for your pelvic, pap and STI screens.

So, if you haven't gone yet at all, go. And certainly, at year 5, I'd ask about this there. But if you already do go once each year, and are up-to-date with your screens, too, I don't see cause to go JUST for this -- I'd just ask about it at your next exam.

2) Yes, gerenally "dry days" are had before menses.

3) Please don't apologize for asking things like this. Really: there's just no need. Per you possibly being pregnant, I'd say based on what you've posted, I see no need. On the other hand $10 for peace of mind is awfully cheap, and sometimes, we need that test, even if we know we're being silly in taking it.

But yeah, start charting. You know, my illustrator for the book followed my requests and did a very cool blank calendar for me for the book for charting with (it's made to be xeroxed and all). I've been meaning to post it up soon with some info on charting -- thanks for the reminder.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Forever_Paranoid
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Incredibly fast response!

Thanks a lot, and yeah that calendar would be amazingly helpful. I'd kind of hate to pencil in "Heavy Vaginal Discharge" on my planner for college/life. =)

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-Lauren-
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Well, let me give it a shot. [Smile]

1) Ideally, a girl should begin yearly gynecological checkups starting with her first menstruation, so talking to a gynecologist is certainly an option!

2) Yes, this is true. After ovulation, your levels of estrogen decline, which dries up your cervical fluid. These are referred to as "dry" days, and can usually be observed before and just after the menstrual period.

3) We are sure, but if you want to take a test just to prove to yourself you aren't pregnant, do go ahead!

(And just a note on that first one there.. be aware that many gynecologists will suggest the birth control pill or other hormonal method to "regulate" periods. This is a bit of a myth; the pill will cause you to bleed regularly, but this is simply governed by the artificial hormones in the pills. So, unless you actually WANT contraception (we only recommend the pill for contraception to teen women for several reasons) and the associated cycle regularity, you'll want to insist on finding the cause of the irregularity of your natural cycle, since the pill will just mask it. [Smile] )

(Gosh darn, I'm slow!)

[ 09-28-2007, 05:25 PM: Message edited by: *Lauren* ]

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kane1053
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Im on b/c and use condom and he never ejaculates in me yet im always 100% paranoid even though i know i have like -.000000009 chance just try to calm yourself down and maybe take it slower
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Live_Laugh_Love
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I just wanted to post on here and say that I know how you feel. I'm quite paranoid when it comes to pregnancy risks, and I don't even want my boyfriend's penis coming NEAR me when we're fooling around...well, at least not around the "danger zone"..lol. It's the main reason we haven't had sex yet...because I feel like no matter how many precautions I take, I'll still get pregnant....and I DO NOT want to get pregnant!!!

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:)

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Live_Laugh_Love
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I just wanted to post on here and say that I know how you feel. I'm quite paranoid when it comes to pregnancy risks, and I don't even want my boyfriend's penis coming NEAR me when we're fooling around...well, at least not around the "danger zone"..lol. It's the main reason we haven't had sex yet...because I feel like no matter how many precautions I take, I'll still get pregnant....and I DO NOT want to get pregnant!!!

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:)

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Live_Laugh_Love
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oops sorry for the double post..not sure what happened there..

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:)

Posts: 49 | From: Ohio | Registered: Jul 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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