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» Got Questions? Get Answers. » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sex Basics and Sexual Health » Worried again something might be abnormal !

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Author Topic: Worried again something might be abnormal !
cool87
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I really wanted to have intercourse last night with my boyfriend and I thought I was ready for it so we tried it but yet it was almost impossible for him to get in since he said I was too tensed. So he simply decided to stop and not do it.

Now I am a bit embarassed even though I normally shouldn't be and I feel bad that we couldn't do it.

I'm wondering too though if let's say, unreadiness or worries, could make me tensed up as much or if it's more likely there is an underlying issue with me that yet hasn't been discovered or if this could have something to do with my past parners ? I was like kinda sure this time I was ready.

I am just extremly worrysome so I guess I just want to be reassured it's not pathological or anything.

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Heather
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As far as I understand it, you have had several GYN visits, and no one has ever suggested anything was out of the ordinary.

So, given the whole of your post history, the most likely explanation is just nerves and/or your partner having his own troubles.

[ 05-16-2007, 07:18 PM: Message edited by: Heather ]

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cool87
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What do you mean : my partner having his own troubles ? Do you mean him having erection problems ?

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Heather
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I mean that there are two of you there.

So, when things don't go as you want or expect them to, it's not always simply one partner or the other.

Could be your partner's erection wasn't as hard as is needed for intercourse. Could be he simply was pressing in at the wrong place. Could be you were nervous, could be he was nervous, could be a lot of things that happen all the time in the real-life sex we have, which tends to be fumbly, awkward, and never like it is in the movies. [Smile]

So, worrying about this if you know everything else is as it should be because for one try, things didn't work out quite right just isn't sensible. If, after a handful of tries, loads of communication, the works, things still won't "work," then it makes more sense to investigate.

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cool87
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It is not like he is new to sex/inexperienced so that's why I assumed it had probably something to do with me more than with him, even though that might not necessarily be a right assumption to make.

But anyway, I'll try again and see where that goes. I hope this will go okay next time, but if it doesn't, then there is no worries and we'll try some other times until it finally works...

Thanks Heather and sorry for having to ask !

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Leabug
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Do try to keep in mind that sexual experience often doesn't mean much when one is starting out with a new partner! With each new relationship, both partners kinda have to adjust and re-learn everything before things run more smoothly, so honestly, there's no reason to automatically assume you're the cause of the problem. [Smile]

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Trippy
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If it helps, I had this same problem myself a few months ago. I think it was just because I wasnt truly ready, even if I thought I was. It could also just be because Id built it up in my head that I was ready, and that it was definitely going to happen, which actually stopped it happening!

So I think that maybe you just have to stop thinking whether or not you are ready, because that way you just put pressure on yourself, so just wait until the time comes naturally, when you feel like you really really want it to happen (and of course be prepared =P)

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cool87
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My case is highly embarassing but well we tried again and we decided to stop again because I still feel like I tense up when we are about to begin intercourse.

It didn't happen with the gyn and it doesn't happen when I masturbate either (I mean I don't tense up as much) but yet this happens with my current partner. It's not a panick attack, far from that, but I get kinda scared and I feel like I tense up. And supposely my boyfriend can see my worries on my face too so he stops.

We tried like changing my mind by doing more foreplay before trying again but it doesn't change things much. We already do a lot of foreplay.

I know my thing is psychological, that it's probably not physical, but yet I don't quite know what is the cause of it. It might look like maybe unreadiness but I gotta say I'm pretty sure I am ready.

We're starting to think maybe we should simply go on with intercourse/penetration next time and that I'll relax over time.

I don't know, I am just finding it frustrating and my boyfriend said it was okay but I'm starting to feel he might think the same.

Thanks for your replies though.

[ 05-21-2007, 07:38 PM: Message edited by: cool87 ]

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