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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sex Basics and Sexual Health » She's too small !?

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Author Topic: She's too small !?
Member # 25639

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Ok this is going to be embarrassing for me: I have a sex problem with my girlfriend. Believe it or not but we're together for almost 8 months now and I couldn't penetrated her yet!

I have to say that we didn't have a lot of sex moments, but that's because we're rarely all alone with a bed in the area :-), there's always someone.
So I think, I attempted 4 times to have real intercourse but I couldn't. Let's say it: I couldn't get my penis in her vagina, it just won't enter.
I was scared that it would break something between us but it doesn't really affect our relationship, we're really happy with each other even if we can't have sex. For a long time I thought it was me. Cause I cum very quickly so didn't have much time during sex to really try to enter. But lately I could control myself and have a lot of time to try in different ways to penetrate but I (we) just couldn't. After that we discussed about it and she said that she could try to open a bit more her vagina.
I might add that she is a very small person and I am very big, so maybe it's a size problem??
What can I do to solve this?
I think I could try to be more calm during sex, do a lot of foreplay and try to relax the atmosphere a lot cause I think it's also stressful for her. I'm afraid to cum too quickly so I tend to precipitate intercourse.
Will this be enough to solve this problem, can someone give some more advice?
Am I the only one with that problem?

[This message has been edited by ManQ (edited 10-06-2005).]

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I think the main problem is likely that your partner is not feeling aroused, possibly due to nerves. You didn't mention whether or not you were using lubricant either-- water based lube can ease penetration, but should be used as something that complements arousal, not as a substitute for it. Secondarily, you could also consider the possibility that her hymen may not have eroded very much. This would not prevent penetration in and of itself, but an un-eroded hymen can certainly increase the pain factor involved in cases of unaroused and underlubricated penetration, in turn contributing even more to her tenseness.

If you and your partner feel ready for sexual activity, perhaps its best for the moment to concentrate on non-intercourse forms of sex. That way you can both become comfy with being with each other sexually, without the pressure to do something that it seems like neither of you are enjoying just yet.

If, in the future, you feel that you reach a stage when you might like to have another try at intercourse, make sure you use plenty of water based lube.

And always, whether having intercourse or not, practice safer sex-- this means latex gloves and water-based lube for manual sex, condoms and dental dams for oral sex, and condoms and water-based lube for intercourse or anal sex.

[This message has been edited by Beppie (edited 10-06-2005).]

Posts: 2710 | From: Australia | Registered: Jun 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 25639

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Thanks for those advice.
It does sound right to have sex without having intercourse. That's how I feel like doing. That's what I would prefer now and I think she feels the same.
But isn't it weird not to have intercourse ? All the other guys are having it and on the first night !! It's been 8 months and we didn't have it? (when I engaged sex for the fist time 3 months after we started going out, she said: "No, not yet, it's too soon.." - is 3 months too soon ?!?)
Plus she had 3 other boyfriends before me while she's the first for me (we're both 22). I asked her how was sex with her previous boyfriends but she just didn't reply and stay silent.

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Member # 25276

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Read the following pages. They will help you.

[This message has been edited by Adviceguy158 (edited 10-07-2005).]

Posts: 25 | From: Grand Rapids, Michigan United States | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 25639

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I read the articles you gave me.
As me and my girlfriend are appearently not ready for real intercourse right now, we just touch, cuddle and everything. But to be quite frank last time, just before we started, I almost never wanted to be with her so much, so in the beginning I was extremley nervous (well my heart was beating extremly hard) I don't know why. And during this I don't really know what to do to please her, so I let myself go and enjoy. At the end I always ejaculate but right after that I feel like the only one who had pleasure and don't know if she enjoyed it too.
I wanted to do oral sex to really please her but she didn't want to. Fingering seems ok but I don't know why I'm not sure she really likes it.
I don't know what to do to stop being so nervous during sex with her.
Do you have a thing like a way of caressing or something like that, that women like usually and that I could try ?

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Executive Director & Founder
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Women aren't made one-size-fits-all, just like men are not.

There is not any one things, any one way of being touched, any one place to be touched which we all enjoy.

Communicating with your partner -- asking her what she likes, what she would like to explore, if she's enjoying your sexual activities -- is the "thing" that needs doing, and it shouldn't be a chore. That's a typical part of developing sexual intimacy with someone else.

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 25102

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man-Q's problem used to sound a lil like mine.

me and my man attempted sex once. i guess we were both nervous or sumthing cuz it wouldnt go in lol

that didnt bother him, but did for me. i was like "OMG is my hymen like.. a huge barrier or sumthing? should i break it first?" and thought up other insane stuff like that.

and second time we got it right. but it hurt for like 2 seconds and was sore for 3.

i guess it worked that time cuz i guided him with a hand and told him to push harder lol!

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