Donate Now
Post New Topic  New Poll  Post A Reply
my profile | directory login | register | search | faq | forum home

  next oldest topic   next newest topic
» Got Questions? Get Answers. » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sex Basics and Sexual Health » A little advice please?

 - UBBFriend: Email this page to someone!    
Author Topic: A little advice please?
*Misty*
Activist
Member # 22843

Icon 1 posted      Profile for *Misty*     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
My boyfriend and I have been going out for almost a year now. We took it really slow where our sex lives were considered since I was a virgin and he wanted to make sure I was ready. However about 9 months into our relationship I lost my virginity to him. He, on the other hand, wasn't a virgin though he hadn't had sex for over 2 years.

We just need a little advice because ever since we started having sex, he comes really fast and I mean 'really' fast as in sometimes not even 5-10 minutes after he enters me.

At first, I thought it was me and I got really upset since I assumed it was probably because I was inexperienced and that I couldn't perform well but my boyfriend assured me it wasn't because of me.

My boyfriend however thinks it’s because he hasn’t had sex with anyone since his last relationship and that because he's under a lot of stress at work and really tired. I'm worried about him and frankly also worried that it might actually be me although he says it’s not. Our relationship is much more than sexual but I'd really like to know if anyone can give us some advice as to whats wrong or if theres anything wrong at all.

Thank you so much. I’d really appreciate the advice.


Posts: 50 | Registered: Apr 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
5-10 minutes is NOT 'really" fast.

In fact, the listed average for adult men (men before their early twenties have even shorter times) to ejaculation from the start of active intercourse or other strong penile stimulus is less than 10 minutes.

In other words, normal.

INTERCOURSE is just ONE kind of sex. And sex is -- and really, should be, per what satisfies most people -- far more than intercourse. So, work on THAT: on having your sexual activities be so whole body and diverse that to a large degree, this issue here is irrelevant. he can also intersperse other activies with intercourse if he DOES want to hang on a little longer, withdraw when orgasm feels imminent, and switch to a receptive activity for you for a while before resuming again.

But him understanding this is not a problem or abmormal may help a whole lot all by itself.

------------------
Heather Corinna
Editor & Founder
ST homepage • ST blog • about Heather & Scarleteen


Posts: 67131 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
morganlh85
Activist
Member # 785

Icon 1 posted      Profile for morganlh85     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Now if you would have said 5-10 seconds I would have been worried. But 5-10 minutes is the usual amount of time for a sex takes, like Scarlet said. It's not supposed to take hours or anything like that.
Posts: 304 | From: Pittsburgh PA | Registered: Aug 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
*Misty*
Activist
Member # 22843

Icon 1 posted      Profile for *Misty*     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Thank you so much for the advice.

However, what if its like 2-3 minutes, would that still be considered normal?

Once again, thank you both for your advice.


Posts: 50 | Registered: Apr 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Yes, that is still in the range of normal, and it's absolutely normal if your partner is under 21 or so.

(And that's a big part of WHY intercourse alone doesn't "work" for many women when it comes to sexual satisfaction: female averages to orgasm from direct stimulus are almost always at the very least a few minutes -- and often more -- longer than those for men.)


Posts: 67131 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
JamsessionVT
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 17924

Icon 1 posted      Profile for JamsessionVT     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
morgan, you've been around the boards long enough to know that reposting info doesn't help anyone. Please do not continue to do so.
Posts: 3987 | From: Greater Burlington Area, Vermont | Registered: Apr 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
morganlh85
Activist
Member # 785

Icon 1 posted      Profile for morganlh85     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I didn't repost the same info. I entered my own asnwer, then noticed and remarked that miz Scarlet said the same thing. I'm confused; if I have the same opinion as another user, am I not allowed to post it at all? This is not covered in the board's guidelines. Sometimes it actually does help people to know that more than one person has the same information about their problem or question. And since that's maybe the first time I've done that on the boards, maybe it wasn't necessary to call attention to it and reprimand me in the thread; that doesn't help anyone either.

[This message has been edited by morganlh85 (edited 09-01-2005).]

[This message has been edited by morganlh85 (edited 09-01-2005).]


Posts: 304 | From: Pittsburgh PA | Registered: Aug 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
DarkChild717
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 139

Icon 1 posted      Profile for DarkChild717     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Part of the frustration lies in the fact that the webspace and bandwidth is paid for by Miz S. It's not cheap. Stating in the guidelines that multiple posts and reiterating already posted information is one way to keep the bandwidth usage down, and thus costs.

Which is another reason we try to ensure that all information posted is as accurate as possible--so multiple posts are not needed to verify the information.


Posts: 2789 | From: The Evergreen State | Registered: Jun 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
morganlh85
Activist
Member # 785

Icon 1 posted      Profile for morganlh85     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I can certainly understand that. But Miz Scarlet is always the first one to answer the questions, in which case there's no reason for anyone else to answer! haha She should give everyone else a minute to respond too! Otherwise this is a Miz Scarlet forum and not a discussion forum. But in no way was I trying to repeat information to up my post count or anything, like some users try to do. I was just trying to share what I know with the OP.
Posts: 304 | From: Pittsburgh PA | Registered: Aug 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
You know, this is my JOB.

Right now, Scarleteen is primarily supported by a generous private grant, as well as occasional donatons, and the largest part of those monies go to pay my salary so that I AM the person doing as much disseminating of information as possible (which is sensible, since I'm the only one legally accountable for it, and since I'm the one with the most experience doing it), as well as quality control, directing the site, editing the site entire, taking care of PR, all the odds and ends, etc. The way my grants work right now, I'm obligated to spend a minimum of 20-30 hours a week working here. (As well, we have never supported a user-run site per the actual informational aspects: a few YA sex sites have tried that and boy, did THAT not go well. Our credibility is also pretty important per our longevity, and that's a big part of why we were here doing this before anyone else, and here still.)

You will note that with most threads which ARE discussiion-based, rather than question and answer, I do step back much of the time so that discussion can occur and be user-based, save when it might need a little steering, moderation, or an injection of information.

So, yay for helpfulness! However, not-so-yay for suggesting I shouldn't do the job I am responsible for and compensated for. And yeah: what we call "me too" posts generally aren't all that helpful, and there are better uses of our bandwidth and expenses overall, and to my understanding it has occurred before in your case. I think jamsession was pretty sedate and mellow about it, so, I don't see any need t extend this further in this thread, eh?

------------------
Heather Corinna
Editor & Founder
ST homepage • ST blog • about Heather & Scarleteen


Posts: 67131 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
*Misty*
Activist
Member # 22843

Icon 1 posted      Profile for *Misty*     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Hi again..I'm really sorry I didn't mean to get anything else started...

But back to what Miz Scarlet said...That its normal for a guy to come within 2-3 minutes if he's under 21 but what if he's NOT under 21?

Thank everyone for all the help... Its been much appreciated.


Posts: 50 | Registered: Apr 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

Quick Reply
Message:

HTML is not enabled.
UBB Code™ is enabled.

Instant Graemlins
   


Post New Topic  New Poll  Post A Reply Close Topic   Feature Topic   Move Topic   Delete Topic next oldest topic   next newest topic
 - Printer-friendly view of this topic
Hop To:


Contact Us | Get the Whole Story! Go Home to SCARLETEEN: Sex Ed for the Real World | Privacy Statement

Copyright 1998, 2014 Heather Corinna/Scarleteen
Scarleteen.com: Providing comprehensive sex education online to teens and young adults worldwide since 1998

Information on this site is provided for educational purposes. It is not meant to and cannot substitute for advice or care provided by an in-person medical professional. The information contained herein is not meant to be used to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease, or for prescribing any medication. You should always consult your own healthcare provider if you have a health problem or medical condition.

Powered by UBB.classic™ 6.7.3