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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sex Basics and Sexual Health » Honest opinion -- to have sex or not to have sex?

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Author Topic: Honest opinion -- to have sex or not to have sex?
Member # 18674

Icon 1 posted      Profile for FadingEndlessly     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I have been with my boyfriend for a mere 3 1/2 months. I know that sounds like such a short time, but I'd like to think that it's the quality of time you've spent with someone, not the quantity.

The bond that we share with one another is so amazing, and we are so open and honest with one another, and can share literally anything with each other.

For each of us, it's been our first real relationship, and we both plan on it being a long relationship (we don't go to high school together, but we are going to college at the same University).

We've decided after much talking that we may be ready for sex. We've done everything leading up to sex and we wanted to wait until we were absolutely ready, no doubts in our mind. I know 100% that this is the individual to whom I want to have sex with for the first time, and so does he.

My issue here is my parents. They would flip out if they knew I was going to have sex. If it were up to them, I'd never have sex. My mom once stated that she never wanted me to do it, unless I was well into a marriage & wanted to have children (which I don't agree with). My mom doesn't like the fact that my boyfriend & I are going to be home alone and is weary whenever that is the case -- she says she doesn't "trust him" because both mine and his "raging hormones" might get the best of us.

We both mutually decided that we want to have sex (and we actually bought condoms today & he is planning on bringing them to my house tomorrow) and I want to with this guy. However, I'm worried that I will feel guilty simply because of my mother's personal beliefs. I think I'd fear that I'd be breaking her trust.

What should I do?
What if my mom found out?

Thanks for any help, it's much appreciated.

Posts: 46 | Registered: Jun 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 20007

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well, it sound to me like your parents have too much of a grip on your life. If you are going to a university, you should be old enough to have sex without your parents pemission. Mom doesn't have to know who you have sex with, or if you have had sex. It's your life, so make your decisions.

Girl: If you love me you'll sleep with me.
Guy: If you love me you wouldn't pressure me like that.
Question: What is wrong with that scene?

Posts: 2 | From: suwanee, GA, usa | Registered: Sep 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 1386

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Have you and your boyfriend read this yet?

Ready or Not? The Readiness Checklist
It's a good reality check.

Other readings you might find helpful:

First Intercourse 101
Is that all there is? - A memoir of first time sex 17 years in the making

We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them.

- Albert Einstein

Posts: 3442 | From: Stirling, Ontario, Canada | Registered: Sep 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 20000

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dude your in uni. Explain to your parents that they can go to hell and go 4 it. 3 and 1/2 months is a good relationship. most people i know dont wait 3 and 1/2 weeks. lol. have fun

dont do anything i wouldnt do...... free rein

Posts: 18 | From: Australia | Registered: Sep 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 8776

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Er... I wouldn't really recommend telling your parents to go hell and then "going for it." Just generally not a good scenario.

Have you considered somehow bringing up the subject with your mom gently? It sounds like her "only have sex when you want children" comment was made to you a while back, though I could be reading you wrong and it could have happened yesterday.

Try talking to her. That's what I'd say. If she's still adamantly against it, I guess you'll have to go on making your own decision, but it might give you some peace of mind to know that you tried.

You're a legal adult, or at least you're in college so I'm assuming you are. You sound as though you and your partner have thought about this carefully and discussed everything and planned protection, all of which are very very good things. Does all of this necessarily mean that you should totally ignore your mother's wishes? Well, no. I don't know your situation, but if she's paying for your education (like many college students) then you're still her dependent and she's still financially responsible for you, so really you're still obliged to some degree.

That probably didn't clear anything up and in fact, I just confused myself. There's not really a right or wrong here--whatever decision you make is probably going to be a little of both.

PS--something else worth thinking about. I'm kind of assuming that you and your partner have been participating in other sexual activity--what really makes that any different from intercourse? I mean, I doubt that when your mom said that she didn't mean "feel free to mess around and do everything but, just don't have intercouse." Just another thought.

I wish I was in Tijuana
Eating barbecued iguana

Posts: 475 | From: Back in Providence, RI | Registered: Jun 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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