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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sex Basics and Sexual Health » Virgin, Wants Sex, Lots of questions

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Author Topic: Virgin, Wants Sex, Lots of questions
bumble b
Member # 14231

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hi. i just found this website and think it's the best thing ever.

i've been dating a boy for about seven months now and we are both virgins. we talk about sex like we both know we're going to have sex with eachother eventually, but we never talk about actually doing it.

in the past, i've only gotten off by clitoral stimulation, but a few days ago, i really wanted something inside of me and i had him finger me (he had done it before but i never really felt great about it), and i had an orgasm.

so, now i want to have sex. i want to do it to please him, really, but now that i think i could enjoy it, it is a little more appealing.

i have so many questions:

1) i am wondering if there are things i could do to stretch out my hymen.

2) i am concerned about cervical cancer. when is a trip to the gynocologist really neccessary?

3) any tips on how to bring it up? there's a chance he doesn't even want to do it.

4) are there any feelings i should not feel during sex? is there anyway he can break things that aren't supposed to be broken??

5) does going slow help prevent pain?

6) recommended condoms? i am concerned mainly about getting pregnant. eek!

i can't think of any more right now.

thanks in advance for your help

Posts: 1 | From: omaha, ne | Registered: Jul 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Before posting, PLEASE check the main site, as requested in the user registration agreement. The articles are more in-dpeth than our posts can be.

Here are articles which address all of your questions, posted by the corresponding number you gave them:

1) Ready or Not? –The Readiness Checklist and First Intercourse 101 and Pink Parts – Female Sexual Anatomy.

You do not nneed to "stretch out" your hymen. It erodes on it's own, and it's likely that by now you already have only a partial hymen.

2) Your First Gynecologist Visit

When a woman first starts menstruating, she should start annual visits.

3) If a partner does nnot want to be sexually active yet, you need to respect that, period.

See Sexual Negotiations for the Long Haul and Safer Sex... For Your Heart and 10 of the Best Things for your Sexual Self.

4) If you look at a lot of the articles I've already listed, you'll see that as human beings have been having intercourse since the dawn of time just fine, save STIs, pregnancy, and emotional issues, sex isn't frought with physical dangers. After all, women are built to give birth, so that really isn't something you need to worry about. And what you feel is what you feel, but based on a lot of what you're asking (and saying -- having sex of any kind mainly to please a partner is a bad idea, all around), I'd really encourage you to look at the Readiness Checklist linked above.

5) First Intercourse 101

6) Since it is MORE likely for young adults to contract an STD or STI than to become pregnant, if that's all you're concerned with, you're dreamin' darlin. So, time to get infomed on that, okay?

We endorse lots of brands here, but are most partial to Durex and Kimono brands. And do see: Safe, Sound & Sexy – A Safer Sex How-To and A Simple Condom Primer.

Heather Corinna
Editor and Founder, Scarleteen

My epitaph should read: "She worked herself into this ground."
-- Kay Bailey Hutchinson

[This message has been edited by Miz Scarlet (edited 07-27-2003).]

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 1371

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Hey there!

We have two great articles about getting ready for first time sex: Ready or Not? –The Readiness Checklist
and First Intercourse 101. Those will probably answer all of your questions, but if you have any questions after that, please come back and ask! Since you asked about talking with your partner about such things, maybe you'd want to print out the articles and read them together?

Now, on to some of your other questions...

1) i am wondering if there are things i could do to stretch out my hymen.

Are you sure that you have a hymen? Some women don't have them at all; other women have them wear away due to every day activity. If penetration when he was fingering you wasn't a problem, you might not have a hymen to begin with.

2) i am concerned about cervical cancer. when is a trip to the gynocologist really neccessary?

Women should begin seeing a gynecologist regularly (once a year) after they begin menstruating, even if they're not sexually active. At a normal GYN appointment, they'll do a test called a Pap smear to test for cervical cancer, as well as other tests and exams to make sure that your reproductive organs are healthy. If you are sexually active, or considering becoming sexually active, you can also talk about various birth control options (and get a prescription for things like hormonal birth control or fitted for a diaphragm if that's what you want.) For more about all of this, check out Your First Gynecologist Visit.

6) recommended condoms? i am concerned mainly about getting pregnant. eek!

All condoms, if used properly, do about the same job in terms of protecting from pregnancy, although some brands are known to be less "reliable" (more prone to breaks/tears). You can see which ones are rated "best" in the Consumer Reports' 1999 Report on Rating Condoms.

Everyone has their own favorite brand, but I'm really fond of Durex, Kimono, and Inspiral. You might want to buy a few small packs of condoms and experiment to see what you both like best, then stock up on the one(s) you like.

If you're concerned about pregnancy, there are other birth control options that you can team up with condoms for more protection. Margaret Sanger’s Disneyland - An easy chart of your birth control options offers you a list of various options.

Posts: 3077 | Registered: Sep 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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Hi you might what to try some kegel’s if you’d like to minimize some of the pain from penetration, assuming you have no hymen. Before my and my girlfriend had sex I had her doing kegal’s so she would be able get familiar controlling the muscles of the vagina. I had read that the reason it usually hurts is because your trying to stretch a muscles that’s never been used so it’s literally in atrophy. Its worked really well for my and my girlfriend. I didn’t hurt her at all, I only had a to wait a little while she relaxed her muscles enough to allow me to fit in comfortably. It really allowed us to enjoy the act. Good luck, let us know how it goes.
Posts: 9 | From: California | Registered: Oct 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 78

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I have not read anything about muscular atrophy being an issue if a woman has not had sexual intercourse before. Would you mind directing me to the source of this information? Thanks.

In my experience, the vaginal muscles are used on a daily basis (i.e. when urinating or having abowl movement for example - not to mention when masturbating and using tampons) so I cannot see how they can be so weak or tight and in need of stretching. As well, arousal plays a great role in the expansion of the vagina to accommodate penetration.

An exception would be vaginismus, which is a conditon which cause painful penetration.

You can read more about it here:

Pain related to the first few times of vaginal penetration is usually due to the erosion and possible tearing of the hymen.

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Posts: 1060 | From: Canada | Registered: Jun 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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