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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sex Basics and Sexual Health » guys waiting for sex?

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Author Topic: guys waiting for sex?
summerstarz
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i have a question... you hear alot about girls deciding to wait for marriage for sex, but you dont often hear about guys doing this... i was just wondering if there were many guys here that were waiting, or if your not, just to express your ideas on it (girls feel free to reply as well...) i personally have only met one guy that has ever said he was going to wait for marriage...
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DiamondGirl2K
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I only know of one guy that has actually admitted to being a "virgin". I was in my law class and we were having what my teacher calls Question Time where everybody writes a question down that they always wanted to know but were too afraid to ask, on a piece of paper....no names allowed. She would pick random questions out of a hat and read them out loud.

Well someone asked a question related to sex and he stood up to say that he is 17 years old and still hasn't had intercourse and doesn't plan on until he feels the time is right. He even has a long time girlfriend who respects his wishes. I think they are both cool for that. Most of the guys in the class started to make fun of him calling him a sissy because "how could he be 17 and never had sex before and still have a girlfriend". I thought that he was very brave to say that in front of the whole class and even though I don't know him that well, I gave him respect. Most of the guys I know say they had sex when they were real young and will sleep with any girl that offers them sex. I don't give them any respect because they don't seem to have respect for themselves.

With the pressure going on today to have sex, I think it is neat if a person can stick to their beliefs and hold off until they feel they are truly ready.

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DiamondGirl
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Forever and Always!

[This message has been edited by DiamondGirl2K (edited 06-28-2003).]


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Acraine
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Actually, a lot of dudes, along with chicks, are waiting for the right time. I am, I think it makes the event more special

( Whoops! My sincerest apologies to the board, Madam Scarlet )

[This message has been edited by Acraine (edited 06-28-2003).]


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Heather
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(In having conversations like this, just please remember that marriage is not an option available to everyone, even for those who do want it.)
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Fillanzea
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My boyfriend's waiting for marriage. I am still a virgin at almost-21 after not exactly being popular in high school and crawling into my shell at college hedonism, and I've always wanted to wait for a long-term monogamous relationship, so this isn't really a source of conflict between us.

And, while I'd be ready for sex sooner than that, I think waiting has some benefits. I feel extremely safe around him, and even very early in our relationship, we could talk about sex without me feeling like he wanted to take advantage of me. I do get nervous that our first time, if we ever have one, won't live up to his expectations, though.

I think it's a choice that should be a personal one, NOT based on school sex-ed brainwashing--I had abstinence-only sex ed, and it didn't do a thing for me. It's not an option for everybody, and I don't think it's the best option for most people. But it's silly to worry about being a virgin at 18 or 19 or 20...I'd rather date someone who was really choosy about their sexual partners than someone who wasn't. (Which isn't to say that you can't have sex younger than that and still be choosy.)


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logic_grrl
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I think it may be a lot harder for guys to admit that they haven't had sex, precisely because of the sort of social pressure DiamondGirl2K describes.

Often on the board, we talk about the "double standard", whereby girls who have lots of sex may be called "sluts", while guys who have lots of sex are considered "studs".

I suspect this is the flipside of that - it's seen as more okay for girls to be virgins, because society isn't too happy with girls having sexual desires of their own anyway.

But it's seen as weird and embarrassing if guys are, because the stereotype is that guys always want sex and are always supposed to be pursuing sex.

Yet another example of how stereotypes don't do anyone any favours ...


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MusicFan
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quote:
Originally posted by Acraine: Actually, a lot of dudes, along with chicks, are waiting for the right time

This reminds me of a story one of my teachers told the class once:

When she was in high school, all of her girlfriends were saying how great sex was. Well, my she decided that she was missing out because she hadn't had sex yet, so she decided to have it. She felt extremely lucky that she didn't get an STD or get pregnant.

Anyways, at the high school reunion, she met up with the friends saying how great sex was. It turned out that they were all lying about it, and none of them had actually had sex. This made her feel so miserable because she had risked getting an STD or getting pregnant just to impress her friends.
(end of story)

I think this story really shows that you should ignore peers pressuring you to have sex, and you should wait until you and your partner feel you are truly ready, whether you are married or not. Just please use the proper protection!

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<--Even Einstein asked questions-->


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bluefreak44
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My boyfriend is a virgin. We are waiting until marriage, too. And I know what Fill is talking about. I feel so secure around him because I KNOW he won't try anything. He's even talked to my mom about this, so she would know that his motives, until we are married (hopefully to each other), are pure. I know other guys who are waiting, too. I know at least half a dozen guys at my church who are virgins (and waiting till marriage), from ages 14-17. I know that may seem like a small number, but there r less than 400 ppl in my town, so that's a pretty good ratio. I know several other Christian guys who are waiting until marriage, too, including one of my best friends. Guys like this really get my respect. As hard as it has been for me, as a chick, to remain a virgin, I can't imagine how hard it would be to have a social stigma of "you aren't a man till you do this" hanging over me. So, yeah, there ARE guys who are waiting.
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ieatnokittens
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my oppinion is with logic grrl
i think the reason you dont as often hear about guys bragging they're going to wait till marrige is that through history female's virginity until marrige has always been higher prized, and there's always been a terrible double standard for sexual practices from men and women, all over the world,
in japan women's virginity was sold off to the highest bidder, in europe and early america women would be checked for hymens often before a man would marry them. Even though sex before marrige and monogomy were reinforced it was always the women in the past that were turned into outcasts when affairs or took lovers, i even read somewhere once that men were once encouraged to visit prositutes privately whether they be married or not since according to popular oppinion they "needed" more of a sexual outlet, can only imagine how the wives must've felt when they ended up with std's and sti's from the local hors.
It's just been terribly sexist, i mean, if you think about "virginity" often you think about a hymen, hell, the female orgasm was hardly even heard of for centuries.

sorry, im a tad emotional on the subject, but, yea...hope that helps

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rodin


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mrsweed
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My boy and I are
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piranhacutie
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Tonight my boyfriend and I were fooling around and he "fingered" me. It was my first time and it wasnt all that pleasureable. I mean of course I was "excited" but it was like orgasmic or anything. I was just wondering could that of been because it was my first time. Or he wasnt doing it correctly. Or what? comments please....
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Camzie13
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my boy is 18 and going to be a frosh in college. i am not a virgin and he is. i have told him that there is not pressure whatsoever and when he thinks its the right time...then it will happen. until then...we are content and thats all that matters. i think people losing their virginity is overrated (at least mine was) so whats the big deal anyway sheesh!
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logic_grrl
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quote:
It was my first time and it wasnt all that pleasureable. I mean of course I was "excited" but it was like orgasmic or anything. I was just wondering could that of been because it was my first time. Or he wasnt doing it correctly.

A sexual activity won't automatically be un-pleasurable just because it's the first time you've done it (although sometimes nerves and tension can act pretty effectively to kill enjoyment).

But if it's the first time someone's done something with you, then they aren't going to know what sort of stimulation you enjoy most and what works best for you. There's an inevitable process of getting to know each other's bodies, and nobody can magically know in advance what's "correct" for another person's body.

So it's up to you to communicate to him what you enjoy and what you'd like him to do (and vice versa when it comes to what he enjoys) .

By the way, I'm really not sure what this is doing in the thread about "guys waiting for sex". When you have a new topic, please start a new thread as opposed to putting it in an old topic where it's not relevant.


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summergoddess
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Like as previously mentioned, it is possible for guys to be waiting until marriage. For example i know a friend of mine, Dan, who's 21, and is a complete virgin. He's never done anything except masterbating. Dan believes in saving himself for the right person.

There are a bunch of guys i know at my church who plan to wait till their married to have sex.

Obviously, Isaiah (my current bf), and my ex (Mark) didn't wait. Both of them lost their virginity to me. Waiting for marriage wasn't their top choice, but finding the right girl was. So both of them have no regrets.

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~Jules


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blinkman_182
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I def. (im a guy) am waiting for marraige. But even at 15 u find it kinda hard to wait with some of the people u pass each day. Its hard for both guys and girls to last till marraige it just goes to show that you can do stuff if you try

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"live fast, die fun"
Travis Barker

BLINKMAN_182


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