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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sex Basics and Sexual Health » Anal is painful....

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Author Topic: Anal is painful....
Member # 12059

Icon 5 posted      Profile for SweetCaramel18     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
my boyfriend asked me to have anal and i agreed. i want to do it. i heard its not even supposed to be painful just awkard at first, maybe some discomfort. but every time we try (about 3 times) it hurts and the third time i burst into tears. we use plenty of lube and we've tried positions that maybe would make it better, but the shit hurts..are we doing something wrong..he goes slow and he's gentle...could it be his size?? but he said he has done it b4. is somethign wrong with me, because i wanna do it, but its making me not wanna do it considering what happened last time.
Posts: 1 | From: detroit, michigan, usa | Registered: Mar 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Scarleteen Volunteer
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Icon 3 posted      Profile for lemming     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Well, if you're not used to something, it can be awkward and uncomfortable. That's why we recommend starting with something smaller - like a gloved, well-lubed finger - first for anal play.

Also: you don't mention if y'all were using condoms. Condoms are very important for anal sex, not only because they prevent STI transmission, but because they make things LOTS more comfortable.

And of course they should be used with plenty of lube. Good on you for using lube!

Give it a rest for a while, and if you still want to, then start small.

Here's some more advice on anal sex: Advice: Anal Sex

Laurel Lemming
Scarleteen Advocate

"Maypole/The ties that bind you will unwind/To free me one day/And everything decays..." - XTC, "The Wheel and the Maypole"

[This message has been edited by lemming (edited 03-02-2003).]

Posts: 3156 | From: Austin, Texas | Registered: Jun 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 8067

Icon 1 posted      Profile for logic_grrl     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Anal sex of any sort isn't going to be painful if you do it properly.

Which means not only lots of lube and going slowly and stopping if anything hurts, it means starting very very gradually (e.g. just trying a finger at first) and only doing what you actually want and what is comfortable at any given moment.

Anal penetration isn't something that everyone wants or enjoys. If you don't like the sensation of a finger in your anus, then a penis certainly isn't going to be much fun (and incidentally, since he has an anus and you have fingers, the experimentation can be equal-opportunity). Or you may find a finger is plenty and you don't want anything more.

If you're anxious or don't 100% want to do it or haven't had time to allow the muscles to slowly relax, then the muscles will tense up and it will hurt.

Check out Advice: Anal Sex.

And remember, as with anything else, if you don't want to do it, don't.

[Mindmeld! ]

[This message has been edited by logic_grrl (edited 03-02-2003).]

Posts: 6944 | From: UK | Registered: May 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 9162

Icon 1 posted      Profile for DiamondGirl2K     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Well I agree with lemming and logic. Lube is definitely a good thing. My boyfriend tried a finger but it wasn't with a latex glove or lube and I can tell you right now that it wasn't very pleasant. It's not that he was rough or anything, it just wasn't a good feeling. It didn't hurt but I just didn't like it. Maybe we can try again this time using lube and a glove. I'm almost positive it will feel a LOT better. I'm sure I was anxious because he kind of did it without warning.
I kindly explained to him that if he wants to do something like that again, then he has to tell me first. I told him that if I ask him to stop, then he has to stop because something might be wrong. It's not because I said stop and he didn't, I just felt like I should remind him. Because you have some guys that will think you're saying stop so they can keep going since you really enjoy it. Sometimes you have to speak loud and clear about your need and wants or else no one will hear you. No one is a mind reader!

*Boogie Black*
Still Going Strong!!!
Forever and Always!!!

Posts: 137 | From: The Home of The Greatest: NY | Registered: Jul 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 10090

Icon 6 posted      Profile for Shann2002     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Anal sex can be pleasurable. When I first tried it, I was in pain because he didn't use any lube. The second time we had plenty of lube and it was very pleasurable. It didn't hurt at all. Use condoms and lots of lube when having this type of sexual activity.

I agree with lemming and logic. Inserting a finger inside of the anus first will aid in making you more comfortable with the whole idea of anal sex (make sure that u use a latex glove and lube when doing so). Start slow and work your way up to trying it with hie penis again.

Posts: 127 | From: Da Dirty South | Registered: Sep 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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