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» Got Questions? Get Answers. » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sex Basics and Sexual Health » "Sane" in "Safe, sane and consensual"?

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Author Topic: "Sane" in "Safe, sane and consensual"?
Kite
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Hey all,

Recently I was telling someone about the BDSM mantra "safe, sane and consensual", and she asked what the "sane" part meant. I realized that I didn't really know. Everything I could come up with sort of fell under the "safe" part of it. Could anyone enlighten me?

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Heather
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Personally, I'd explain it as what is emotionally safe and intellectually sound.

For example, it would not be sane to try and set up an abduction scene in BDSM with a nonconsenting party, because not only would that traumatize them, it'd be sexual assault which would likely land the person who did it in jail.

More examples: it would likely not be "sane" to bring a BDSM relationship into the office. It isn't usually sane to choose activities you know may trigger great upset or abuse flashbacks. It isn't sane to push limits you know you're not ready to push. It isn't sane to consent to something you know you aren't really comfortable with.

That help?

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Heather Corinna
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Kite
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Makes sense. That's more or less what I had in mind. Thanks, Miz S

quote:
it would likely not be "sane" to bring a BDSM relationship into the office

It does make for one hot movie, though

[This message has been edited by Kite (edited 01-03-2003).]

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Heather
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LOL. Agreed.
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youcancallmepunk
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I feel stupid for asking this but what is BDSM?
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logic_grrl
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BDSM is an umbrella term describing any sort of consensual play that may involve bondage, inflicting or receiving pain, and/or roleplaying dominance and submission.

Check out our handy article: Working the Kinks Out.

"Safe, sane and consensual" is a popular motto describing how BDSM should always be carried out - but actually I think it's a very good summary of how any sort of sex should always be carried out .

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Gumdrop Girl
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and I feel stupid for asking this, but are you hinting about the movie 'Secretary' and should I go rent it?

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Don't be coward like shrimp, be brave like PRAWN!

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PoetgirlNY
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I'd assume they are. It's a really hot movie, with a BDSM relationship in the office

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You were never no locomotive, Sunflower, you were a sunflower!
-Allen Ginsberg

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