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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sex Basics and Sexual Health » Question

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Member # 10108

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Ok, this sounds kind of silly.

When I masturbate, I think of certain fantasies that get me aroused, and then I can climax.

However, when I am engaged in sexual intercourse, as much as I try to climax, it just will not happen.

Can you become desensitized from too much masturbation? Or from having a similar fantasy for such a long time, I can't get aroused enough to orgam?


Posts: 20 | From: Vancouver, Canada | Registered: Sep 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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Masturbation can't "desensitize" your genitals. The only things that can really do that are certain medications, or some injuries.

Here's the thing in terms of what you're asking: you should be aroused before intercourse if you're going to have it, and while fantasy can certainly accompany that, it can get iffy if it's needed at all times with a partner.

In other words, make sure you are actually attracted to and wanting to be with said partner, and that they arouse you. Anxiety can have a lot to do with things as well, so if you don't trust a partner, or don't really want to be doing what you're doing with them, that is going to have an ill effect on both orgasm and arousal.

Equally important is that you find a way to keep from being frustrated and "reaching" for orgasm. Spectatoring, as it's called, is basically the most common thing that keeps a lot of women from orgasm. Instead, enjoy what you're doing for what it is -- and if it isn't enjoyable on its own, really, don't do it. But the 'as much as I try" makes it clear that you may be your own undoing. No more trying.

Lastly, intercourse alone cannot bring the majority of women in the world to orgasm. So if that activity doesn't cut the proverbial mustard, either combine it with others which do, or do other activities entirely. Any form of sex is not required of anyone, and if something isn't enjoyable for both parties, it's time to find what is.

That's just a start, but those are the most basic things to start thinking about. In terms of being 'aroused enough," though, one does know when one is or isn't aroused, and if you just don't feel you are, it's time to evaluate the whole thing.

Heather Corinna
Editor and Founder, Scarleteen

My epitaph should read: "She worked herself into this ground."
-- Kay Bailey Hutchinson

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 9724

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yeah, i just wanted to say that I've gotten over the "spectatoring" glitch and i believe now that the best orgasms are the ones that sneak up on you! kinduv like recieving gifst for no reason!

also, don't start pointing fingers until you're absolutely honestwith yourself that you've been honest with him whenever you feel bored. If you've mislead him by faking something or just simply not told him what feels good at the time, he's not going to know. Your partener isn't born with the knowlage of your personal anatomy so that person is going to need guidance until a pattern emerges! If you've been pretending, you're making it boring each time because you're sending him the wrong signals about what you enjoy.

Posts: 56 | From: Michigan | Registered: Aug 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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