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» Got Questions? Get Answers. » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sex Basics and Sexual Health » how many tries does it take???

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Author Topic: how many tries does it take???
lilnerd
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My boyfriend and I have had what I call "attempted sex" four times already, and the reason being is because each time he puts a little more, it hurts like crazy and I bleed. He has still been unable to put his entire penis inside me. I make him stop everytime because the pain scares me. Is this pain something that I should be able to deal with fully or am I going about this the wrong way? *sigh* Basically I'm asking... has this happened to anyone else. I feel like I'm clueless when I really know more then the average teen (from Scarleteen )

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"I suggest we learn to love ourselves before it's made illegal"
~Incubus


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soldier76:96
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You two should relax & not try so hard. Since you have had pain in the past, your mind may be causing your vagina not to loosen up; you are tense & scared.
DON'T RUSH! Have your boyfriend use a lot of water-based lubrication. Also, do a lot of foreplay & manually stimulate the clitoris.
Use the search function "Ready for Sex?" at Scarleteen.com.

Posts: 113 | From: Puyallup, WA, USA | Registered: Jan 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Star2be17
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Perhaps you have a very resilient hymen. I know it took me a few tries to get it right the first time, and his penis still didn't get all the way in. after the first time though, my hymen was pretty much gone so it doesn't hurt as much now. Lots of lube really does help, and its important to find the right angle. Apparently, many girl's vaginas slope towards their backs, but mine slopes toward my stomach. Just experiment, and keep trying!

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Act young while you still are.


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Lady Moonlight
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I would recommend you discuss this with your doctor or with a trained nurse, either your regular doctor or at a clinic like Planned Parenthood. As in Star2be17's case, it can be possible for your hymen to be more intact than usual or especially thick. If that is the problem, it's possible for a medical professional to cut the hymen (basically a form of minor surgery), thus taking care of the problem. Much better than having it ripped during sex, causing lots of pain and possibly heavy bleeding. (Although fairly rare, this is not a myth; a friend's mother spent part of her honeymoon in the hospital because of hemmoraging caused by her first intercourse.)

In any case, you are doing the right thing by stopping when you feel pain. Intercourse may be somewhat uncomfortable, especially the first time, but it should NOT be painful. Pain is your body's way of telling you that something is wrong. Assuming you're using plenty of lube and are adequately aroused when your boyfriend is penetrating you and you're still experiencing pain and bleeding, the next step is to consult a medical professional.


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Just.Lil.Ole.Me
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OK stop...

before you try again, think about it.... Don't push things. Are you sure your ready for sex?

I recently read that its more painful for girls who have sex the first couple times because they are not quite comfortable with the whole scenario or are just honestly not ready for the "big S." I'm not claiming that as a fact because this can be because of different reasons, like the posts above state you can have a resilient hymen, and that may mean a dr. should be involved. You may also want to try more foreplay before hand to make you more calm and relaxed and definitely purchase a waterbased lubricant like astroglide or KY. Hope that helps you out!


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Just.Lil.Ole.Me
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"I'm real, what you get it is what you see..."

[This message has been edited by Just.Lil.Ole.Me (edited 03-16-2002).]


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lilnerd
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So you would definitely suggest that
I see a doctor before trying again at all?

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kythryne
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If you haven't already tried the "lots and lots and lots and lots of lube and foreplay" method, I'd suggest giving that a shot before heading off to the doc. But if you've already done that, and it's still hurting, then yes, a trip to the doctor is in order here.

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Kythryne Aisling
Scarleteen Sexpert

"The only unnatural sexual act is that which you cannot perform."
-- Alfred Kinsey


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lilnerd
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Well,just as an update.. I went to the doc. She told me that when he went inside me he tore the skin on the side, and it just needs some time to heal before we try again. And since we kept trying and trying, it just kept hurting and hurting because I never gave it that chance. Heh. So, thanks for telling me to go to the doc!!!

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"I suggest we learn to love ourselves before it's made illegal"
~Incubus


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Bambinosgurl4219
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There is nothing to worry about, as far as thinking you are the only girl this has happened to. It took about ten times before my bf could put his entire penis inside of me, b/c it was painful for me. Eventually I learned to RELAX ( that is the key), and we took our time. Just make sure your bf is using a lubricated condom, and relax. Hope I helped.

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"What do you do when the only person who can make you stop crying is the person who made you cry?"

"I hate you for hurting me, but most of all, I hate me for loving you."


Posts: 25 | From: that special place in my true love's heart!!! | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
trinity83
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that's all good. don't worry about coz my first time hurt like a mo fo also. in my case when he penetrated me i felt pain coz the skin ripped, then he actually went in deeper. at first that also hurt. so the first time is all pain. but as u do it more and more it just start to feel good...really good. so just suck it up and know that all girls go through, and it's the only way ur gonna experience that passionate love-making u always see on tv or hear about in books. it's ok to be scared...u'll get through it soon enough.

[This message has been edited by trinity83 (edited 04-14-2002).]


Posts: 7 | From: Sacramento, CA | Registered: Apr 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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