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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sex Basics and Sexual Health » Question about aggressiveness/control

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Author Topic: Question about aggressiveness/control
Member # 6522

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I was just kind of wondering if any of you ever felt awkward about being aggressive/in control of a sexual situation. I always feel quite silly if I am being more aggressive then my partner, and I was wondering if anybody else sometimes felt rediculous, and if they were able to change their mentality and their attitude, and what was it that changed their mentality? As in, is there anything I can actively do to change my attitude?
Posts: 7 | From: Bethesda, Maryland, USA | Registered: Jan 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 6370

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Hey...Yeah, I've definitely experienced what you're talking about (i think)! I'm a naturally "passive" person, so being told to be aggressive (and not just sexually, but since that's the topic at hand I'll try to stick to it) is difficult. Unfortunately, if you're with someone who's more aggressive, don't let them use that to abuse your power to have control over yourself. (Heehee, the problem with this advice is that I shoulda given it to myself about 2 months ago...) It seems easier to be the more aggressive one if you are comfortable/happy with yourself and the relationship - i.e., if you feel like the person will judge you, then you're less likely to feel comfortable being aggressive.


[This message has been edited by froggish (edited 01-15-2002).]

Posts: 41 | From: Chicago | Registered: Jan 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Gumdrop Girl
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Member # 568

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well, some people make the most of this "power play" in the form of domination-submission roles. some people identify with one or the other. and some folks aren't into it; they like sex to be egalitarian.

you can explore these roles, such as domination. however you're definitely going to need to talk it over with your partner and see if he or she is okay with it. if your partner thinks it's a good idea, then there is no reason to feel "silly" about wanting to be a little aggressive during sex.

of course, the operative thing is to get your partner's approval. i have run into a similar problem. I'm a submissive, and i wanted my boyfriend to kinda take the reins, so to speak. but he wasn't cool with it, so i had to drop the matter.

srm? wtf? iyhta ... rtfm!

Posts: 12677 | From: Los Angeles, CA ... somewhere off the 10 | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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