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» Got Questions? Get Answers. » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sex Basics and Sexual Health » can't get it out of my mind...

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Author Topic: can't get it out of my mind...
froggish
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Hey...I had another thread that was slightly related to this, but I can't find it. (I woulda reused it...really, I would have!! ) Anyways, (and please let me know if this is inappropriate or in the wrong place, I'm still a little new here) I had a very weird and negative sexual relationship (with a boy) about two months ago, and among other things (such as me being a very submissive person...) he was very rude to me and it ultimately ended up in him forcing me to have sex. (The worst part is that I consider myself to be a very intelligent girl, and I knew then as well as now that I could have said "no" but somehow, I didn't...) The problem now is that I have a total phobia of anything..."entering"...me. I had to have a gyno exam a few weeks ago which wasn't a disaster but also was extremely hurtful, if in a psychological way. I'm trying to educate myself further on things dealing with sexuality (btw, i abs. LOVE this site!!) but anything that I read that has to do with any kind of penetration (even tampons) almost makes me sick to my stomach. Also, even just sitting in class or walking down the street I become uncomfortable. I think it's a psychological problem and that I feel really...guilty or something about having sex and not being able to say "no" and am constantly feeling ashamed (not that I had premarital sex; that's not an issue...) that I let my shyness take over.
Oh yeah...I had a question...really...Does anyone know of a way to get a disturbing thought out of your head, in order to resume a normal life? Do you recommend counseling? I believe my university offers free counseling...but if there are any self-help techniques, I'd love to hear them. Thanks!!
(Sorry 'bout all the parentheses, I sidetrack a lot )

------------------
~*frog*~


Posts: 41 | From: Chicago | Registered: Jan 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
rekling
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hey frog--

its great that you are checking out sites like scarleteen-- you said its difficult, but the fact that you are doing it shows that you are really trying to understand and work through your issues with anything having to do with penetration.

after an experience like the one you described, it makes a lot of sense that you have those issues-- and i think its great that you are able to recognize that you have this discomfort with penetration. it sounds like you are very down to earth about trying to find ways to work through this, and to go on with your life (i also wanted to commend you for still remembering that as discomforting an experience as it was, it was important for you to go to the gynecologist! were you able to talk with him or her about the fact that having anything "enter" you was going to be uncomfrotable?).

starting with sites like this, and educating yourself about sexuality is a very good place to start that process of sexual recovery. counseling can be very useful to a lot of people. many people find that its important to find the "right" mental health professional-- if your university has free services, i'd say thats a really good place to start-- if the person you meet with doesn't seem receptive to talking about what you need to deal with, you can see if you can find someone else. if you decide that counseling isn't right for you, that's cool too, especially if its free counseling. my school offers a certain number of free sessions per year, which is really great for short term problems...finding a therapist is a really personal thing, though, and i've heard both really great and really horrible things about all the people at my school-- so like i said, its important to find the person that works for you.

in terms of self help, i'm not entirely sure what you would be most interested in....a lot of people really like different types of meditation or visualization. things like journaling, or other artistic expression, are also very helpful to a lot of people to sort out their complicated feelings (it sounds like you know the cause of your feelings, but maybe you need to work through the "guilt-like thing" you mentioned, and writing is *really* good for that)....free writing, or free association, is where you just start writing and don't stop to think about what you are writing, is a great way to let all of your thoughts loose, and then sort them out.

a lot of times, a combination of self-help and professional help is the most useful thing...ultimately you are the one who needs to figure out what will be most useful to you.

you sound like a very smart and sensible person, and you shouldn't blame yourself for what happened (it sounds like you know that, but i want to reiterate it!)....

i hope you figure out the best way to proceed!

-rek


Posts: 72 | From: oberlin, oh / new york city | Registered: Dec 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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