I'm a 19 (almost 20) year old virgin and I'm not sure what the hell to do. It's not that I don't want to have sex, I'm just not sure if I can. See, I used to go out with this girl that I really did like, but the first time I went to have sex with her, by the time I opened up the condom (which didn't take long at all) I had gone limp Even after that, when she would give me head I would start to go limp and have to make some excuse to stop it even though I was enjoying it thoroughly. I didn't have the balls to tell her that I might have had a problem, so I just bullshitted and delayed through the entire relationship until I just couldn't hack it anymore, so I broke up with her just to take the pressure off (she was totally clueless as to what was wrong). Now I'm really scared to try it with anyone. There is this one girl that is trying to go out with me now, and I really do like her.. I just don't know if I want to risk the embarassment again. What do you all think I should do. Please let me hear your opinions, I need all the help I can get.
Posts: 1 | Registered: Apr 2001
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Well, I'm 18 (nearly 19 so your age ) and I'm still a virgin too...
In my honest opinion, I think maybe you don't have A "problem", I think that since you're a virgin, what's causing you to go limp as you said is that maybe you're nervous, and that's perfectly normal.
If you do like this girl who's trying to go out with you, my word is go for it! Then, I think to have sex with someone, in particular the 1st time, (at least for me), there has to be a great deal of understanding and trust, basically a strong relationship, ... so if you feel your relationship with her (or any other girl) is in the point where you both feel it's time, you can just talk to her, and explain what has happened before, and I'm sure she'll understand...
Do remember that sexual intercourse is only one kind of sex. It isn't the be-all end-all, especially for most women.
A good lover isn't someone who has genitals at attention at any given moment, but one who is creative, communicative and inventive.
And even if your penis did always stay erect when you wanted it to, that wouldn't make those other things happen, nor would it make you a fabulous lover.
So, if and when it happens again, be creative, and be honest. Find something else to do for the time being. And for your peace of mind, you can also ask your doctor to make sure all is right with you physically.
I was actually in a similar situation with my boyfriend a few weeks ago. With anyone you're sexually intimate with, I think it's important to be mentally intimate, too...aka you guys can talk it out. It could be that you're just nervous, or maybe that you're subconsciously uncomfortable with your girlfriend. The important thing is to TALK to them and to be honest. Hope everything works out, and good luck!
Posts: 8 | From: Florida | Registered: Mar 2001
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Don't allow your nervousness in the physical intimacy department to prevent you from getting to know the girl. She may be looking for a friendly and romantic relationship, not a physical one (at first). I am almost twenty-one and I plan to remain a virgin until I am married. My relationships are based on getting to know the person, enjoying ourselves, and building trust. When there is mutual comfort, the nervousness is not present and anything can be respectfully discussed.
You've got to realise too, that while you may get nervous in sexual situations, and find that makes it hard to keep an erection, that doesn't mean you're impotent -- just a bit nervous, which is really, incredibly normal. Remember, too, that there are a lot of sexual and sensual things you can do that don't require a penis at all, and chances are at least some of them would be very enjoyable for most women.
Posts: 5122 | From: I *came* from the land of ice and snow | Registered: Aug 2000
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Hi!! What happened to you happened to my boyfriend too...Like, we were fooling around all all and I felt his erection and all...Then, he told me how much he wanted to make love with me, which I did want to do to! He put the condom on and then, when it was time, he went soft!! I was surprised and casually asked him he was nervous...He answered : What do you think!! So, it was just nervousness...then, next time when we were about to do it, the same thing started to happen but we succeded in doing it! After that, the third ime and so, no problem so don't worry!! One last thing..You might try just to exploring each other body without having sex...It's very interesting and arousing too ! ) Good luck!
Posts: 1 | From: Canada | Registered: Apr 2001
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