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Topic: Talking about sex with your partner

christinejones
Activist
Member # 19128

posted

i couldn't really talk about sex at all with my first "real" (as in proper intercoursal relationship etc) boyfriend James... i mean i could talk dirty while we were having sex --- but i couldn't discuss anything properly. for example when i found something extremely painful i would minimise it totally (saying "mmm a little uncomfortable") and if some of his actions i didn't like them i was too embarrassed to say and just 'endured' them - kind of wriggling around to try to make it less uncomfortable or try to subtly move him onto a different area --- and i never once could say how much i didn't like some of the sex, i wanted to say it but i just could never quite voice it! i tried once but i just ended up choking on the words in tears. actions speak louder than words and i would often just stop the sex completely but still couldn't talk it through! it was hopeless.

and i have to say that our sex life was a complete disaster from start to finish!!! so talking about it is obviously the way to go and well worth it - if you can summon up the courage. these things are much easier, i guess, if everything is working but it is when they are not that it is even more important to say something.

and he wasn't even aware that i was pretty much a virgin --- i had had a 21 yr. old boyfriend, Joel, for six months before and we had done everything but the p-v (one time he kind of slipped in during a kind of heavy intimate session but pulled out straightaway - that is why i considered myself a sort-of-virgin if that makes sense at all??)
but with James, I was almost nineteen so i think he presumed i had had sex and i never actually told him otherwise. and i really loved him - we lived together for two years and i could talk to him about everything but the sex....

i think i learnt my lesson and i am much more open with my current boyfriend but luckily don't need to say too much as it just seems to work - which is such a relief... i feel that i could discuss anything i wanted to. initially i was very open with him about all my sexual dysfunctions/hang ups and problematic sexual history so he was aware of all of that - i am sure that helped.

communication is definitely worth it.

Posts: 139 | From: los angeles | Registered: Jul 2004 | IP: Logged |

MyDecember9
Neophyte
Member # 19279

posted

I don't really have trouble talking about sex with my partners- I never have. I guess it's because I am a VERY sexual person, and telling people what I want sexually is never a major thing for me. Sometimes I even have to remind my partner to wear a condom, and it doesn't damage the mood or make me uncomfortable at all. I can't answer for my partner, but if he's not willing to be safe, he's not getting any from me.

Posts: 8 | From: Eatonton, Georgia, US | Registered: Jul 2004 | IP: Logged |

Skinnyjeans
Neophyte
Member # 25537

posted

talking about sex is important and there are a few things i always try to talk about with my partners.
contraception is a pretty big issue.i'm on the pill and i also use condoms as i did go through a scarey stage where i thought i was pregnant (this was before i went on the pill) and so now i keep myself safer with using 2 methods and it does help with keeping my mind at ease.i always tell my partners that i am on the pill but also insist on using condoms no matter how much they don't like the sensation etc.its their choice sex with or no sex its their choice i can live without the hassle and worry.you need to talk to your partner about these things because at the end of the day who wants an unexpected preganancy?
another thing i talk about with my partners is their sexual history.no major details but i ask how many people they have slept with and if they pratcied safe sexor had any std's etc.again keeps your mind at ease about your partners sexual health which is a must.
in terms of turn ons/off's yes talk about it sit there together and giggle and go red but talk about it.if you don't it will be disappointing and you will begin to wonder why you put yourself through the ordeal.it is difficult to say things sometimes like whole sentences just don't want to come out i've been there done that especially with my first partner, but a simple single word can do the trick "left/right/softer etc" can do wonders and even if u cant get that out a simple movement such and touching their hand or shifting your body position slightly can get the message across.
communication is a basis for a relationship and your sexual relationship should'nt be any different really.talking can be hard sometimes but it can help alot and teach you and your partners things about each other that you would never find out otherwise.
xxx

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Say that you're into me let me know how it would be - Hellogoodbye

Posts: 2 | From: Newport,Gwent,Wales | Registered: Sep 2005 | IP: Logged |

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