Okay, I'm asking you guys for help (twice in one evening!).
I have someone on the line right now not unlike a LOT of girls who ask for advice. She basically wants to have intercourse with her boyfriend (because she feels it's the only way to really "share" herself), but doesn't understand anything about her body, cannot even put a tampon in, has no money or inclination to use birth control, and is convinced she could not possibly end up pregnant or catch an STD or STI.
In other words, she just doesn't see the big picture.
Now, as an adult and a sex educator, I clearly have plenty of information I can give her, but you know, that isn't always helpful. More times than not, these folks do eventually get it together, but sadly, not always before they end up pregnant, sick or hurt.
What would YOU say or do to help her out? Have you been in this position? have any of your friends?
Now that is a tough one. I guess I would ask her, "how can you share yourself, if you don't know what you're sharing?"- after all, if she doesn't know her own body well enough to use a tampon, she really won't know how to handle having a penis inside of her.
I'd say, it's great that she wants to share with her boyfriend, but if she's sharing something that she doesn't understand, she's denying both herself and him of having the best experience possible.
I'd also say that sharing isn't necessarily physical- she can share herself with him mentally- they can discuss their ideas about the world, the things that they both enjoy- and I'd tell her that doing this can lead to an intimacy between herself and her partner that transcends physical boundaries. If she only sees sharing as a physical thing, then it can fade away rather quickly.
I would of course also give her all the excellent information that you have on this site about STDs, pregnancy, and show her the aritcle that you have on first-time sex. As you say, maybe that on it's own wouldn't help her that much, but it's imperative that she knows it anyway.
i know about my body, i've explored it. but i don't wear tampons, and tha doesn't mean i'm clueless about my body. i mean, i'm kind of scared ot put one in, and i've tried once and it hurt and i couldn't even get it half in, but that is kind of wrong and stupid to say that that makes them clueless about they're bodies. Your friend miz scarlet, to me, sounds kind of confused and lost and torn. she wants to have sex, but she knows so little about herself that she is going in too deep. i recomend that she wait till she can afford some birth control, and check out books and websites(scarleteen.com!!) on girls (and guys, on that matter) bodies. she'll be really greatful that she got some info before she plunged in. i wouldn't call your friend clueless, thats a pretty deep thing to call someone. clueless is like calling someone stupid, and no one is stupid. wear*a*smile! PUT A SMILE ON YOUR FACE, TO MAKE THE WORLD A BETTER PLACE!! Posts: 139 | From: San Ramon, California, USA | Registered: Jun 2000
| IP: Logged |
Copyright 1998, 2013 Heather Corinna/Scarleteen
Scarleteen.com: Providing comprehensive sex education online to teens and young adults worldwide since 1998
Information on this site is provided for educational purposes. It is not meant to and cannot substitute for advice or care provided by an in-person medical professional. The information contained herein is not meant to be used to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease, or for prescribing any medication. You should always consult your own healthcare provider if you have a health problem or medical condition.