Donate Now
Post New Topic  Post A Reply
my profile | directory login | register | search | faq | forum home

  next oldest topic   next newest topic
» Got Questions? Get Answers. » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sexual Identity » So now I'm scared

 - UBBFriend: Email this page to someone!    
Author Topic: So now I'm scared
samanthamt
Activist
Member # 41234

Icon 1 posted      Profile for samanthamt     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I'm sorry for posting so much, but I have no one to tell all this to except my therapist, and I don't want to intrude upon her weekend, if I was in crisis I would, but I'm just scared. I went and asked the girl I like out, she said yes, I was happy...and now I'm freaking out. I have no idea what I'm doing as far as dating women goes. I'm happy I asked her out, but I'm scared that once she finds out I've never been with a woman that she'll just write me off, I guess maybe I feel like that because shes 24. But I'm 20, almost 21 its not a huge age difference. I just sort of don't know how to act now...sorry this probably makes no sense...

--------------------
Always bear in mind that your own resolution to succeed is more important than any one thing.
-Abraham Lincoln

Posts: 104 | From: U.S | Registered: Nov 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Stephanie_1
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 36725

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Stephanie_1     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Hey samanthamt: Something I always generally suggest with anyone entering a new relationship is not to have the expectation that it will fail before you even have your first date. Plenty of people haven't been with anyone romantically at your age, and plenty of people are in the same place you are in terms of never having been with someone of a particular gender before. Everyone comes into dating people at different times - and that's no reason to discount dating someone. Try to relax and let things take their course.

--------------------
"Sometimes the majority only means that all the fools are on the same side" ~Anon

Posts: 3429 | From: Pennsylvania | Registered: Jan 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
samanthamt
Activist
Member # 41234

Icon 1 posted      Profile for samanthamt     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
True, good advice, thanks [Smile]

--------------------
Always bear in mind that your own resolution to succeed is more important than any one thing.
-Abraham Lincoln

Posts: 104 | From: U.S | Registered: Nov 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Stephanie_1
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 36725

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Stephanie_1     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Np. Good luck, and fingers crossed for you fora great first date. [Smile]

--------------------
"Sometimes the majority only means that all the fools are on the same side" ~Anon

Posts: 3429 | From: Pennsylvania | Registered: Jan 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
samanthamt
Activist
Member # 41234

Icon 1 posted      Profile for samanthamt     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Thanks [Smile]

--------------------
Always bear in mind that your own resolution to succeed is more important than any one thing.
-Abraham Lincoln

Posts: 104 | From: U.S | Registered: Nov 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Stephanie_1
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 36725

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Stephanie_1     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Most welcome [Smile]

--------------------
"Sometimes the majority only means that all the fools are on the same side" ~Anon

Posts: 3429 | From: Pennsylvania | Registered: Jan 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Jill2000Plus
Activist
Member # 41657

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Jill2000Plus     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I just wanted to say that I didn't have my first relationship (we're still together [Smile] !) until the age of 21, and my boyfriend hadn't dated before that either (he's just a few months younger than me), so you aren't alone.

--------------------
Always knock before entering my room when I am in there alone, as I may be doing all sorts of wonderfully thrilling things that I'd rather you didn't see.

Posts: 840 | From: UK | Registered: Dec 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
samanthamt
Activist
Member # 41234

Icon 1 posted      Profile for samanthamt     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Glad to know I'm not alone. I've had relationships with men before, just not with women. But I'm not even sure that she is interested in me now...I'm getting mixed signals. I'm heartbroken, which is pathetic, but oh well. I'll get over it, I just really hate rejection.

--------------------
Always bear in mind that your own resolution to succeed is more important than any one thing.
-Abraham Lincoln

Posts: 104 | From: U.S | Registered: Nov 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
This is one of the reasons I had asked if you really felt ready to start dating: suffice it to say, we always risk rejection or not having our feelings shared or returned when we do.

Is this date still coming up?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68215 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
samanthamt
Activist
Member # 41234

Icon 1 posted      Profile for samanthamt     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I don't really know if we're still going to go on a date or not. I haven't heard from her since yesterday, but she could be working or be with family...who knows. I'm really hoping that we are, but if we're not I still really want to be her friend. I think that the rejection is being made to feel 100x worse because of a lot of problems I've been having with my family lately, not related to my orientation though. I'm just not well emotionally anymore, I thought I was, but I thought wrong. I feel like a wreck to be honest.

--------------------
Always bear in mind that your own resolution to succeed is more important than any one thing.
-Abraham Lincoln

Posts: 104 | From: U.S | Registered: Nov 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
You know, I think it's also worth recognizing that in a lot of ways, when we first start dating a whole new group of people (usually this is about orientation), it's kind of a lot like starting the whole works all over again per dating for the first time.

In other words, we can find ourselves feeling SUPER sensitive and vulnerable, and that's a very, very common experience.

If it helps to inject something personal, I took a bunch of years away from dating women, and when I started dating women again a bunch of years ago, I was SO INTENSE about the first woman I seriously dated. And I was in my thirties. We really didn't work out (which was for the best: as it turns out, she was really abusive to a mutual friend she dated after me), and it felt like somebody freaking DIED when that happened, feelings that totally boggled my mind at the time. I felt like a complete idiot, especially since it wasn't like dating women was new or that I was just coming out or anything. All the same, there it was.

So, sounds like you have some other stuff going on, but this can also be a really big deal, and feeling fragile about it is hardly uncommon.

(Which probably changes in no way the way you feel, but I'm hoping the levity might help you feel more okay about how you are feeling.)

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68215 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
samanthamt
Activist
Member # 41234

Icon 1 posted      Profile for samanthamt     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
That really does help. I got diagnosed with bipolar disorder when I was 18 and its been a struggle to stay stable emotionally. So when I start to feel super sensitive or moody about something, it scares me. Its good to know that this is normal, because I haven't felt this vulnerable or sensitive about another person in a long time. I'm sorry that your friend was abused also, that had to have been so horrible.

--------------------
Always bear in mind that your own resolution to succeed is more important than any one thing.
-Abraham Lincoln

Posts: 104 | From: U.S | Registered: Nov 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
mia123
Neophyte
Member # 50208

Icon 1 posted      Profile for mia123     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
hi , i have been having unprotected sex with my boyfriend for about a month now and we the in and out treatment, so when he needs to cum he pulls it out quick, but if that was the case then i wouldnt be messaging you , today we have unprotected sex and he cum in me. he says that it went in he cum but then pulled it out. i asked him did he cum inside me and said i sort of did but i didnt.

he went to go and get the pill for me but they wont let him and said i have to be there. is this ture? im scared of going even when he said he would come with me. DO I HAVE TO GIVE MY NAME AND ADRESS ? ANYONE CAN THEY HELP ME xx

Posts: 2 | From: london | Registered: Nov 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Are you by any chance close to a Marie Stopes, Brook or GUM clinic? If so, one of those is where you can go to get a morning-after pill, and you don't have to worry about your privacy being unprotected.

I think it's also a good idea for you to go to a Brook if you can, because you can also talk about getting other methods of birth control there, even if what you get is only condoms. Withdrawal is one of the two least effective methods there is, and as you have unfortunately discovered, it also is very likely to fail.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68215 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
OWL Dan
Activist
Member # 49077

Icon 1 posted      Profile for OWL Dan     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Hi Mia123

I would suggest trying this place also "Sexwise Helpline" 0800 28 29 30 or online at www.maketherightdecision.co.uk All of these places should also be able to talk with you about other more reliable forms of birth control.

It would also help you to get a quick responce if you were to start your own topic, by clicking on "new TOPIC" on the top right and/or the bottom left corners of most pages, so that it will stand out as a new request instead of a reply to a previous topic.

[ 11-26-2010, 09:24 AM: Message edited by: OWL Dan ]

--------------------
Dan

Posts: 842 | From: Ohio | Registered: Sep 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

Quick Reply
Message:

HTML is not enabled.
UBB Code™ is enabled.
UBB Code™ Images not permitted.
Instant Graemlins
   


Post New Topic  Post A Reply Close Topic   Feature Topic   Move Topic   Delete Topic next oldest topic   next newest topic
 - Printer-friendly view of this topic
Hop To:


Contact Us | Get the Whole Story! Go Home to SCARLETEEN: Sex Ed for the Real World | Privacy Statement

Copyright 1998, 2014 Heather Corinna/Scarleteen
Scarleteen.com: Providing comprehensive sex education online to teens and young adults worldwide since 1998

Information on this site is provided for educational purposes. It is not meant to and cannot substitute for advice or care provided by an in-person medical professional. The information contained herein is not meant to be used to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease, or for prescribing any medication. You should always consult your own healthcare provider if you have a health problem or medical condition.

Powered by UBB.classic™ 6.7.3