I have come out to myself in the last two years, and begun coming out to friends and really thinking about my sexuality over the last few months/ year.
I think some of the reason I didnt process this when I was younger and began being attracted to women/ girls, was some more subtle societal norms or values I had going on. Well Im not really sure if they are norms or conventions or what not, or even how much they are a personal thing.
1) A feeling of almost guilt at looking at another woman sexually/ romantically - locker room comradeliness type thing. I think this maybe still sometimes a factor for me acknowledging how Im attracted to a person, but not sure.
2) Aversion to bodies. I felt that bodies were a little gross (except I guess the airbrushed images all over the place) and so was unsure about attractions being sexual or not, or about my own sexual desires. At the same time I was presented with straight relationship models by wider and nearer society to fill this gap
3) Disgust at female genitalia/ my own body. I guess this is linked to 2. I guess I had cunt fear (can I swear on here if Im using the word in a reclaiming capacity?) - so while I was drawn to women I couldnt reconcile my attraction to bodies with parts similar to those I was disgusted with on my own body
I think a lot of the last two is my earlier influences not being very body positive, combined with an actively body negative media!
Would be really interested in any thoughts anyone has on this, and would find any input really helpful!
Posts: 3 | From: Undisclosed | Registered: Sep 2010
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WeatherMagnets: I think it's actually really introspective thinking on your part, here.
I also have noticed, myself -- though not for myself -- that self body-image seems to sometimes play a part for some people in terms of a lack of comfort with same-sex feelings or sex.
Mind, who we love isn't just about their body or embodiment, nor is it just about sex, but I do think that as those things are a part, having any issues with one's own body or with bodies in general could certainly play a part in discomfort with same-sex attraction.
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