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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sexual Identity » Questioning vs. the right fit

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Author Topic: Questioning vs. the right fit
Member # 47754

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A few years ago, a friend of mine who had been in a number of bad relationships with men, told me that she was fed up with guys and wanted to see if dating women was easier. She told me that she had never really been attracted to women, but still wanted to try it. She dated a couple of girls, and after three months, realized that it "wasn't her thing" and since then has exclusively dated men.

I've read some of the articles about questioning and figuring out your orientation, and some of them have said that orientation can change through a person's life, and that it is sometimes "fluid". But if orientation can sometimes change throughout a person's life, how do we know that we've found the right fit or the right orientation for ourselves?

I guess basically what I'm asking can we tell the difference between when we're experiementing/questioning versus when we've figured it out? I'm sorry if this is a really abstract question, but it's something that I think i'm trying to work out myself, and I thought I could use some other opinions.

Thanks [Smile]

Posts: 30 | From: USA | Registered: Jul 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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Member # 20094

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Well, there is a difference between attraction and acting on that attraction - orientation has more to it than how we act; the main part of it is who we find ourselves attracted to, even if we never act on those feelings. You're right that orientation can shift over a lifetime, but those shifts and changes don't usually happen overnight, so there's definitely time to notice patterns in who you find yourself attracted to.

Have you seen this yet? Q is for Questioning It might help clear some things up for you.

I'm sorry I can't give you a more straightforward answer, but everyone's process with figuring out their orientation is different, and everyone experiences it differently, so it really is one of those things you just sort of feel out as you go along.

"Another world is not only possible, she is on her way. On a quiet day, I can hear her breathing." -Arundhati Roy

Posts: 5799 | From: Canada/Australia | Registered: Sep 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 47754

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Thanks. No need to apologize, because that actually made sense! I've questioned my orientation a few times in my life (during my teens mostly, as many teens do), but it wasn't until a few years ago when the idea of acting on it really began to appeal to me. That was four years ago, and I still haven't, but if presented with the opportunity, I think I would.
I've given it a great deal of thought, and I know that my attraction to girls isn't romantic, but just purely physical/sexual. My romantic attraction and even majority of my sexual attraction is towards men. But one thing that I do know, is that I don't have to "label" myself right away, which I suppose was what sparked this post in the first place lol.

Thanks alot, I guess I just had to "talk" it over with someone [Smile]

Posts: 30 | From: USA | Registered: Jul 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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