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Author Topic: advise please
Izzeh
Neophyte
Member # 36614

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hi, im new to posting in this forum.

for a long time i thought i was straight, but living with my room mate for the last three years we have become really close. i want to tell her i have feelings for her, but don't want to loose our friendship. ive never had a real relationship before so i lack the courage, and really im not so sure how to go about doing it... if i should do it at all. any advise will help, im going out of my mind.

Posts: 4 | From: California | Registered: Jan 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
May Day
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One of the reasons many people post here (and are a little anxious generally) about telling someone they're into them, is that they're worried that their platonic, friendly relationship would suffer if the attraction isn't mutual.
While you may not know how she's feeling and thinking about you, she also doesn't know how you're feeling and thinking about her. The only way to change all that is to talk with each other. You can even just say really casually "hey, i like you and i'm interested in being more than friends, could we talk about that?". Something like that anyway:P

I know it can be kinda intimidating to tell someone how you feel about them, but i think you could give it a go:) If she doesn't share your feelings, while it might hurt a bit, it doesn't need to ruin your friendship if you don't want it to. You'll have been honest and open and that's something to be valued and you'll also know where the two of you are standing with each other, which means no more guess-work.

Good luck!

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Izzeh
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Member # 36614

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thanks for the advise, i told her... i don't think she feels the same, she never really said but actions speak louder then words, because the next morning she said i should move out of the room we shared. it was hard, and it definitely hurt like hell, but we are still talking and laughing like before... and really im just glad to have my best friend.
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eryn_smiles
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Wow, good on you. You sound really brave to have told her that [Smile] , don't know if I could do that. Glad that you're still friends too. I don't think you lack courage...good luck with getting out there and meeting some other special people!

--------------------
"Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation and that is an act of political warfare."

Audre Lorde

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Izzeh
Neophyte
Member # 36614

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thanks i appreciate the support, and probably really need it right now. i dont feel very courageous though.... i feel sad, and hurt, and like a complete idiot, and all of those other horrible things that go along with having someone so close to you turn you down... but we are still friends so that's a plus.
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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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I don't think we're ever idiots for feeling the things we feel and voicing them.

Alas, someone being close to us doesn't mean that they or we will have certain sets of feelings. Your friend might love you to bits and think you're amazing, but that doesn't mean she'll have romantic or sexual feelings for her, just like you might not with other friends you're close to. Of course, none of that makes it all sting any less. [Frown]

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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